DEAR ABBY: I read about your booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" a few years ago, and I want to let you know how much it helped me recently in writing to my aunt.

You see, my aunt's beloved cat, "Mouser," passed away. Although I didn't know Mouser very well, I did know how much her cat meant to her.

Knowing how much she was hurting, I felt I had to say something -- but what? Then I remembered that your booklet had a section on how to write a condolence letter.

You said: "When writing a condolence letter ... if you come up with a specific memory that you have cherished, relate it. Believe it or not, a humorous incident will be appreciated."

So I sent my aunt a funny incident I remembered about Mouser. She wrote me back a month later thanking me for "moving her thoughts from a very sad place and making her smile." She said my story made her remember other antics she hadn't thought of in a long time.

I know I'm not the only person who has trouble putting feelings down on paper. Please mention your booklet again so your readers will know this invaluable resource is available. -- GRATEFUL READER IN N.Y.

DEAR GRATEFUL READER: Thank you for your sweet note. I'm pleased my booklet was helpful to you. Not everyone can write letters that are literary masterpieces, but anyone can acknowledge a gift, express sympathy as you did, and accept (or decline) an invitation -- and do it properly -- by following a few basic "rules."

While letter writing may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication. My booklet contains sample letters for almost any occasion, which may be used as patterns from which to write your own letters.

It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

For anyone who has ever wondered how to begin to compose a charming thank-you note, a letter expressing warm congratulations, a love letter or the opposite -- announce a broken engagement -- "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" will serve as a guide for those who put off writing because they don't know what to say, how to say it or even how to begin.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and his live-in, pregnant girlfriend asked me to help them decorate their soon-to-be new house. (Their affair is what ended our marriage.) They both have commented on what good taste I have and how they like my decorating style. They have even offered to pay for my services.

Abby, is this too weird or what? -- STUCK IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE

DEAR STUCK: I'm not sure I'd call it "weird" as much as I'd call it nervy and insensitive. My question is, how badly do you need the money?

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Sacramento" (Aug. 27) wrote that her sister told her that the only reason she existed was because her dad had been trying for a boy after having three girls. Tell her to trust me -- this is a rite of passage.

I am the youngest of three girls. I was told by my middle sister that I was born a boy, and the doctor gave me a shot to make me a girl.

This sister and I fought like cats and dogs when we were young. Finally, when I was 15 and she was 18, we shared a summer together. From that time on we have been the best of friends and would die for each other. I may have endured years of teasing that my parents didn't want me, but the relationship we have now is one I would never trade.

All I needed to know was that my dad loved me no matter what, and growing up I was always attached to my dad's hip -- which may be why my sister needed to put me down. To this day I know I am Dad's favorite, even though he would never say so. Please tell "Hurt" not to listen to her older sister. She should listen instead to her heart. -- DADDY'S LITTLE TAURUS

DEAR D.L.T.: Many readers agreed with you that teasing one's sibling is a rite of passage, and that once people mature, the teasing stops. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a sibling with three sisters. However, in my case, I came with the "package." I was 11 months old when Dad met my mom and they married. He adopted me, and then they proceeded to have three more daughters. Dad is proud of each of us in our own way. Being the oldest, I reaped most of the benefits of learning all the things he would have a taught a boy -- hunting, fishing, house and car repairs, to name a few. To this day I thank him for all he taught me as his daughter. -- CINDY IN SOUTH HAVEN, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I am a former Marine and, most importantly, I am the proud father of two beautiful, intelligent, respectful and wonderful girls. During both of my wife's pregnancies, the only thing I prayed for was a healthy child.

My brother has two boys, and I pity him because he has never been the guest of honor at a formal tea party or attended a daddy-daughter dance. He has never gone to the aid of a damsel in distress by removing a threatening spider from the room. He has never been asked to judge a beauty contest in his own home. He has never had a chance to sit outside a dressing room and watch while all the girls in his life try on clothes and shoes.

A father loves all his children equally and independently. No two are the same -- not even twins. We all say hurtful things that we do not mean when we're fighting. But I guarantee "Hurt in Sacramento" that she and her sister will outgrow the fighting and become best friends. -- PROUD POPPA IN JACKSONVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: I'm also one of four girls. When my father was asked if he kept having children in order to sire a boy, his response was: "No. We found a good thing and stuck with it!" -- FRAN IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: I have an uncle with five kids -- all girls. My father-in-law put it in perspective one day when he said, "Sometimes the daughters come first and the son (in-law) later." He has four sons and a grandson now, and is very proud of his daughters.

If that dad was disappointed by not having a son, he would have been disappointed after the first one -- not the fourth. -- RICK S., SUN PRAIRIE, WIS.

DEAR READERS: Today is Veteran's Day. I would like to thank not only our veterans, but also the men and women who are on active duty, for their service to our country. -- ABBY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful, loving mother is now in the middle stages of Alzheimer's disease. This cruel disease has robbed her of her memories as well as the ability to reason and function.

She held my hand through every trial and triumph in my life, and I want to support her the way she has always supported me. But caring for Mama is becoming more and more difficult as she drifts further and further away. Not only am I caring for my mother, I also have a career and three children.

I have so little time to myself. From the financial considerations to the behavioral challenges to safety concerns, I can't keep my head above water. Please tell me what to do. -- OVERWHELMED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR OVERWHELMED: I'll try. I know from personal experience how difficult it is to see a loved one face the changes that Alzheimer's disease brings. Although you feel alone and overwhelmed right now, the truth is you are not.

Today, an estimated 10 million Americans are caring for someone with Alzheimer's or another dementia. More than 40 percent of them rate their emotional stress level as high or very high, and it is a danger to their health.

Some signs to be aware of: feeling you have to "do it all yourself" and that you should be doing more; withdrawing from family, friends and activities that you used to enjoy; worrying that the person you care for is safe; feeling anxious about money and health-care decisions; denying the impact of the disease and its effect on your family; feeling grief or sadness that your relationship with the person isn't what it used to be; becoming frustrated and angry when the person continually repeats things and doesn't seem to listen; and having health problems that are taking a toll on you.

If any of these apply to you, it is important that you take care of your own physical and mental health. Make time to talk to your doctor and contact the Alzheimer's Association because it offers a full range of services. The toll-free number is (800) 272-3900 or visit www.alz.org and take the Caregiver Stress Check interactive quiz. You will find with it a list of helpful referrals there.

DEAR ABBY: I am 43, and my boyfriend, "Sid," is 52. We have been together a year and a half. I was married once, and Sid has been married three times. He wants to live together, and I want to be engaged with a wedding date before I move in.

We truly love each other and communicate very well. Because of a previous rebound marriage that lasted only a year, Sid is cautious about making another mistake. After we had been together for a year, I gave him a year to make up his mind about marriage. In the months that followed, I could tell from some of the remarks he made that he had no burning desire to be married any time soon.

After five months of listening to those statements, I gave Sid an ultimatum. He asked me for a week to think about it, then he told me he still wasn't ready -- he needed a few more months. So I broke up with him. Was I right in giving Sid an ultimatum? -- OUT OF PATIENCE IN MIAMI

DEAR OUT OF PATIENCE: Let me be sure I have the math right. If you promised Sid another year to make up his mind and then gave him an ultimatum after five months and one week, then you jumped the gun. If you gave him the second year and he continued to stall, then you did the right thing. After three wrong turns down the aisle, Sid is no longer the marrying kind.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)