DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I am a 16-year-old girl, and last week I lied to my best friend's parents so we could go to a movie. Her parents found out and told my parents, who got very angry and have me grounded for a minimum of a month -- depending on my "attitude."

I never used to lie as often as I do now. In the first week of being grounded, I lied again and got caught. Now they don't trust me at all, and I can't even leave my school campus to go to lunch or answer phone calls or anything!

How do I get my mom and dad to trust me again when I'm grounded? If I'm not given any freedom, then how can I prove I'm responsible? I am at the end of my rope here. Please help. -- CAUGHT LYING IN COLORADO

DEAR CAUGHT LYING: Trust is built on confidence, and it is going to take some time for you to rebuild it. Put yourself in your parents' shoes. Until you are an adult, they are responsible for your health, education and growth.

The first thing you need to do is admit to them that you have screwed up. Then start working to redeem yourself. Remember, actions speak louder than words. It isn't what you say, but what you DO that matters.

If you want to be treated like a mature adult, perform like one. Be responsible for your actions, and you will earn your parents' confidence. Look at it this way -- whom do YOU trust? Those who have shown by their actions that they can be trusted, of course. I'm sure your parents are aching to trust you. So start today to show them that they can, and they will.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dru," and I get along great. We are each other's best friend, and I believe we can make it for the long haul. However, a colleague overheard a conversation I was having with my husband and told me I sounded like his mother!

I am a deployed soldier, and Dru has been dragging his feet regarding some things we need to take care of. I sometimes feel like his mother on issues where I don't think he "gets it." I do tend to "mother" the people I love, and I would like my husband to step up more and show me more often that we're a team, not a parent and child.

It could also be that my mom and brothers reject my affection, and I like to shower it on Dru because that's how I show love. Should we set more boundaries so I don't feel like my husband's mom? -- OVERLY MOTHERLY OVERSEAS

DEAR OVERLY MOTHERLY: No marriage is identical to another. The amount of give-and-take between the spouses that makes it successful -- or causes it to fail -- is a delicate balance that is different in each one. Some men like being told what to do and when to do it -- and so do some women. Other couples make their decisions jointly.

If you are uncomfortable in the role you have assumed, talk to your husband about your feelings. When you are back stateside, it may be time for some marriage counseling if you feel it's needed.

DEAR ABBY: When picking up another couple for a half-hour drive to a restaurant, should I continue to sit next to my husband (who is driving), or should I get in the back seat with the wife of the other couple, so we gals can chat and the guys can, too? -- UNSURE IN MOUNTAIN HOME, ARK.

DEAR UNSURE: It depends upon how friendly you are with the wife and how much you have to chat about. If the conversation will be so intense that you begin to resemble Linda Blair in "The Exorcist," sit in the back so you won't throw your neck out.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and engaged to a man who is 54. I love him with all my heart, but I haven't told my father yet.

My fiance takes very good care of me, and we have a lot in common. We get along great. We have been together for three years and have had only one big fight. We can talk about everything. Do you think dating someone twice your age is OK? -- LOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOVED: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the people involved. Some 54-year-old men are young and vigorous for their ages, and some 24-year-old women are mature in their thinking and level of experience. But you can't entirely ignore the numbers.

In a case like yours, my concern is that you still feel it's necessary to hide something as important as an engagement from your father. Does your father even know about this man? Do you plan to have children? And because your fiance is so much older than you, has it occurred to you that you might wind up taking care of him?

What I think is that you have some serious thinking to do about what lies ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, "Hannah," had a baby last year at the age of 16. She had decided to place her baby for adoption, but changed her mind the day before she gave birth. Hannah's father and I told her we would help because we wanted her to finish high school and participate in school activities.

The problem is, she is out with her friends or at school functions almost every night while we take care of the baby, whom we adore. My concern is, how much help should we be giving her? Should we let Hannah just be a teenager until she graduates?

I think there should be a happy medium between being a teenager and being a parent, but my husband thinks we should shoulder all the responsibility. -- MICHIGAN NANA

DEAR NANA: I could not disagree more with your husband. He is doing his daughter no favors by insisting that you and he shoulder all the responsibility for that baby. Hannah needs to bond with that child. Unless she does, you will be raising it until he or she is an adult. These are important years in your grandchild's development, and your stepdaughter needs to be a part of it. Period!

DEAR ABBY: I'm so upset I can't stop crying. My wedding is in seven weeks. My fiance and I have planned this wedding for nearly a year.

Last week, my aunt told me she has only a short time to live and that she has decided to have her memorial while she is still living. Abby, she picked the day of our wedding.

It is too late and too expensive for us to change the date. We're already getting our RSVPs back. I don't know what to do. It leaves me wondering why she would choose to do this. Please help! -- DENISE IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR DENISE: It IS too late to alter your wedding plans. Unless your aunt is literally breathing her last breath -- which is doubtful if she's well enough to be planning her memorial -- ask your parents to talk with her and ask her to please reschedule it for another date. Your aunt appears to be extremely self-centered, and no relative should have to make a choice on that day between life and death.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Tracy" has been hinting that she needs to borrow money. I don't loan money to people unless it's an emergency, and frankly, I know if I lend her any, she won't pay me back.

Last week she took her family on vacation and to her uncle's funeral. When they got back, she went on and on about all the fun they had and mentioned that she had spent almost $1,000. She then followed it up with, "So, next month I may need to borrow money from you. Does your offer still stand?"

Abby, I never offered to loan her money! I quickly changed the subject because I didn't want to say anything I might regret later. How do I tell her I don't want to loan her money without losing a friendship or hurting her feelings? -- ON THE SPOT IN SEATTLE

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Tracy may be charming and fun to be around, but she's not a friend. In fact, she appears to be a bit of a hustler. Two can play that game.

When she raises the subject of the loan again -- and she will -- tell her: "Tracy, the last time you mentioned this, don't you remember me telling you I never lend money? In fact, I really could use some myself."

Please don't worry about losing a friendship or hurting her feelings. Tracy has the hide of a rhino, and friends don't use friends the way she's trying to use you. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in eighth grade. Ever since fifth grade I have had a crush on a teacher, "Mr. M."

He was my homeroom teacher in fifth grade, and I just kind of "fell in love" with him. Mr. M. is 40 and has two children.

Abby, I know it is wrong, but for some reason, I have been obsessed with him. Ever since I was 10 I have been his favorite student, and obviously he was my favorite teacher.

This school year is the first time Mr. M. isn't teaching any of my classes. I realize this is probably a good thing, but I'm having difficulty accepting it. I feel awful. How should I handle it? -- EIGHTH-GRADE ADMIRER

DEAR ADMIRER: Many young ladies have had crushes on their male teachers, myself included. I am not minimizing your feelings for Mr. M., but with time and distance they will diminish. What you are experiencing is a combination of growing pains and withdrawal. Part of what you are missing is the rush of adrenaline you felt when you saw Mr. M. every day.

You have many wonderful, exciting experiences ahead of you both intellectually and romantically. The feelings you are experiencing are part of growing up. The harder you focus on what lies ahead of you, the less time you will have to look back over your shoulder and brood.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to an organization that helps support our local food bank. One of our jobs is to check the expiration dates on the packaging. Canned goods have expiration dates, and if they are old, they must be thrown out.

Please tell your readers to check the dates before sending items on to the food drive. Then their generosity will reach the people for whom it was intended. I think they would be sad to know how much food is wasted because it was donated after the expiration date. -– KALI IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR KALI: Your letter speaks for itself. People in need don't want spoiled food any more than the donors do. Thank you for writing.

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