DEAR ABBY: I don't want to make my friend "Ryan" mad, but he does something that makes me feel weird. When we go to the mall to hang out, he always wants to go to the big stores. You know those dummies on display wearing clothes? Well, Ryan likes to feel them up! He thinks it's cool to go up to a female dummy and feel her breasts.

When he does it, he giggles. People stare and I have to leave. I told Ryan I don't like it. He says, "Whatever ..."

Ryan is my best friend. Is what he does natural for a 13-year-old? I like looking at real girls on the beach. He says that's boring, and he'd rather feel up the store dummies. What's up with that? What should I do? -- BILLY IN GALVESTON

DEAR BILLY: Your friend is very immature. He is both attracted to girls and afraid of rejection. That is why he is acting out with department store mannequins who cannot tell him, "Stop that, you fool. Get away from me!"

You are right to leave when he creates a scene like that. You don't want other people to get the idea that you get your kicks that way, too, do you?

DEAR ABBY: Our mom had a major cow when she found out that my sister and I are wearing thong underwear. We buy and wash our own clothes, so Mom didn't realize it until the other day when she walked in on us while we were getting dressed.

Well, Mom says it's "sinful," if you can believe that, and she has forbidden us from wearing them. But Abby, it's what all the girls wear these days, so if we're sinners, so is everyone else. We'll be the only girls in the locker room not wearing thongs, and we'll look really stupid. Do you see anything wrong with thong underwear? -- SAN DIEGO SINNER?

DEAR SINNER?: No, evil is in the eye of the beholder. But frankly, I have never understood the thong underwear fad. For many decades women have struggled to keep their panties from bunching up exactly where the thong is designed to go -- and the feeling is really uncomfortable.

Readers, I'm taking a poll on this: Thongs "up" or thongs "down"? What do you think?

DEAR ABBY: Because I arrived late to an opera performance, I was forced to sit in the designated section for latecomers. Seated next to me was an attractive young lady with whom I had a pleasant conversation as we watched the televised first act. Afterward, of course, we took our assigned seats.

It is difficult for some of us art and opera lovers to find compatible friends with shared interests. My question is, do genteel younger women consider it foolishly ill-mannered, disturbing or offensive to be impetuously invited by an older, single gentleman (age 47) for an after-performance dinner or cocktail? -- GIL IN HOUSTON

DEAR GIL: Heck, no! And stop calling yourself old. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.

DEAR ABBY: "Silent Supporter, Benson, N.C." (Aug. 26) cannot say the Pledge of Allegiance because of religious reasons. I support his or her right not to participate. However, I disagree with "Silent's" interpretation that standing is participating.

I work overseas in a U.S. Department of Defense school attended by students from 13 NATO countries. Every morning, the Pledge is recited and the non-American students stand respectfully. By standing, they are not pledging their own allegiance but behaving appropriately while those who choose to participate do so.

I do not believe that standing during the Pledge, or a similar pledge in any other country, implies consent or support. Standing quietly and allowing others to participate shows respect for the citizens, nation and our right to believe as we choose. Remaining seated is, in my opinion, disrespectful on many levels. -- MAUREEN IN MONS, BELGIUM

DEAR MAUREEN: Your point is well-taken, and interestingly enough, many readers agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I think "Silent Supporter" may be confusing the Pledge of Allegiance with the singing of the National Anthem at sporting events. Standing is a sign of respect, not one of commitment. If sitting causes others to react unfavorably, simply show up a few minutes after kickoff or the first pitch. That way, no one will have any problems with you and your beliefs. -- LET'S PLAY BALL IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I am a Quaker. We also find oaths, including the Pledge of Allegiance, contrary to our Quaker faith and practice. However, we still stand silently, considering it to be politeness, not participation. -- TOM IN REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: On Flag Day, June 14, 1943, right in the middle of the greatest patriotic war in history, the U.S. Supreme Court passed a resolution, which is still in effect today, that no man, woman or child shall be required to stand for or salute the flag of this country, or to stand for the singing of the National Anthem. Anyone who berates another for not standing or participating in either is denying that person his legal rights as given by the U.S. Supreme Court. Therefore aliens, visitors, religious believers and dutiful citizens have the right to stand, salute and sing -- or NOT. -- NATIVE AMERICAN CITIZEN AND WWII VETERAN

DEAR ABBY: Remember the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? A person who does not stand draws the attention and the ire of the crowd. Far better to arrive after the ceremony and avoid a scene. -- QUIET BYSTANDER IN N.C.

DEAR ABBY: As an educator, I teach all of my students to stand for the Pledge, whether they participate or not. If they are entering a room or a stadium, they should stop walking and remain still as a sign of respect.

I am not a person unto myself but a part of a larger community. "Respect" should cross all boundaries that divide us. Whether one chooses to be respectful or not should not even be questioned. Having said that, however, those who taunted "Silent" should remember that respect goes both ways. -- BEV IN STEILACOOM, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to a small town a few years ago to take a job in a very public position. This is a place where everyone knows everyone else's business, so I try hard to maintain a good reputation.

About a year ago, a childhood friend, "Lindsay," came to visit. She loved the town so much she decided to move here and be my roommate.

At first I was excited at the prospect, but my enthusiasm has waned since finding out that Lindsay is very promiscuous. Since January she has had sex with seven men, sometimes dating more than one at a time.

I worry about her because this behavior is unhealthy. I also worry that associating with her could damage my reputation, not to mention my uneasiness about waking up and finding strange men in my apartment -- some of whom she met only the night before. I think she is compromising both of our safety.

How can I handle this tactfully? Lindsay is an adult; I don't feel I can tell her how to live her personal life. Should I ask her to move out? Aside from this problem, she is an excellent roommate. -- NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL

DEAR NOT THAT KIND: Your letter brings to mind several old sayings. One: People are known by the company they keep. Two: Birds of a feather flock together. Three: People who lie down with dogs usually get up with fleas.

Do not try to tell Lindsay how to live her life. DO remind her that she is now living in a small town where tongues wag. Then explain that although you like her very much, your lifestyles are not compatible and you would like her to move. Your concerns about waking up to find strangers in your apartment are valid, and your choice of roommates is a reflection on you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Justin," and I were in a four-year committed relationship. We agreed to wait on marriage and children. I never really wanted children, but if Justin wanted one, I would have his baby. He is 29, and I am 42.

Last summer I was shocked to learn that Justin and his best friend, "Beth," had had a baby girl together through in vitro. They plan to raise the child together. I still wanted to save our relationship, so I accepted his new life and tried to deal with it.

A month after that, Justin informed me that he is gay! I am devastated. We still love each other, and he wants to continue his relationship with me.

Justin does not have a man in his life -- just the baby and Beth, who live with him. He has no romantic interest in her. I am so sad without him. Should I stay in this relationship? -- CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUSED: Whatever Justin's true sexual orientation may be, he has not been honest with you from the beginning. Please do not accept his word for it that Beth is only a friend, that their child was not conceived the old-fashioned way, or that he is gay.

My advice is to cut your losses NOW. This man has a child and a live-in who will take priority over you. Accept that if Justin cared at all about your feelings, you would have been told about the baby long before its birth. So end this charade and spare yourself even more grief.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to the South and enrolled our son in a private Christian school. Many times when meeting other parents I am asked, "What service do you attend?" The truth is, my husband and I are not particularly religious, and we don't attend church.

How should I respond without feeling like a bad person or a bad parent? -- MEMBER OF NO CHURCH, IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NON-MEMBER: You live in a free country, not a theocracy. If you are not particularly religious, nothing compels you to go to church.

My advice is to be frank and say you are not affiliated with a church, and that you enrolled your son in that school because you felt he would receive a good education there. It's the truth, and it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)