DEAR ABBY: I take exception to your reply to "Minister's Daughter, Cayucos, Calif." (Sept. 8), who objected to the greeting and handshaking moment during church service that is dictated by the minister.

I happen to agree wholeheartedly with "Daughter's" sentiments, as do many other members of my church. We feel that the moment is manipulated, interrupts the flow of the service and creates a false bonhomie.

None of us is unfriendly, ungracious or reluctant to make others feel welcome in our church. But we would prefer to do it spontaneously -- before or after the service -- when we actually feel moved to make the gesture. -- LYN IN CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.

DEAR LYN: I understand your sentiments. That said, I stand by my answer. I told "Minister's Daughter" that I didn't think it was too much to ask to reach out for a moment to ensure that everyone felt included. However, I received a ton of mail on this subject and opinions were decidedly mixed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I attended church with my husband and family, I never cared for the forced greeting custom. However, now that I am divorced and attend church alone, I realize that the human contact is priceless.

One Sunday, our minister said, "Turn to the people next to you and tell them they are beautiful." I turned, and the woman next to me said, "Hello. Has anyone told you that you are beautiful?" Even though it was a "forced" greeting, it touched my heart. Speaking as someone who lives alone and who never hears those words, it brightened my day. The greeting, like the church and life, is not about what you get, but about what you give to someone else. -- GREETER WITH A NEW ATTITUDE

DEAR ABBY: We started this type of greeting years ago, and I also think more people don't like it. I hate it when people cover their face with their hand when they cough or sneeze and then offer a handshake. We all know that colds and flu are transmitted this way.

After hearing complaints, our pastor now asks that we offer a "sign of peace." I much prefer this, and I offer a smile and say, "La paix du Seigneur" (God's peace be with you). However, I never refuse a handshake if one is offered. -- ANDREE IN OTTAWA

DEAR ABBY: Before receiving disability insurance, I was a homeless man. Many times, the only thing that kept me from committing suicide was the opportunity to enter a local church for a few minutes of worship and the reminder that I was still part of the human race.

All too often, my appearance and status were enough to turn most people away. But those who truly walked in the love of God reached out to me with open arms and hearts. And they weren't afraid of catching some unknown disease that living on the streets might produce. In this fragmented society, even "lepers" need love. -- ART IN ABILENE

DEAR ABBY: If the intent of this practice is to make newcomers feel like part of the group, then it is counterproductive. A better way would be for the pastor to encourage gregarious members of the congregation to greet new people after the service. If it is for those worshippers who are already well-acquainted to greet each other in a structured manner, then it is unnecessary. -- WASHINGTON STATE BOOMER

DEAR ABBY: A message to "Minister's Daughter": If you intend to go to heaven, GET USED TO IT. Everyone in heaven greets you. You may be so relieved you made it through the Pearly Gates that you'll be happy to spread a few germs. -- "GRAN" IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter, "Melissa," is bisexual. Most girls her age have sleepovers, but my husband says that any girl Melissa likes should be considered the same as a boyfriend, so it is not appropriate for her to spend the night.

I disagree. A girlfriend is not the same -- mainly because Melissa won't end up getting pregnant after spending the night with a girl. What do you think? -- MOM IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR MOM: If Melissa is romantically attracted to a particular girl, your husband has a valid point. However, he is mistaken if he thinks that because Melissa is bisexual she is attracted to EVERY female she meets. That is no more true than the idea that heterosexual individuals are sexually attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. When it comes to friendships, most are platonic -- and you and your husband should keep that in mind before deciding whether or not to allow your daughter to participate in sleepovers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Donald," and I are retired. He attends social meetings about four times a month. Food is served at these meetings, and he usually brings part of the meal home. Then he announces that the food is "his" and that I shouldn't eat any.

Abby, his "take-home" will stay in the refrigerator for a day or so, and I have to see it every time I open the door. It often looks delicious -- not the kind of thing we usually have for meals at home. Don will then eat it in front of me, and it kills me that he won't share.

I have tried telling my husband that he should share his food, but it throws him into a rage. He claims the food is his because it was part of a meal he didn't finish and brought home to eat.

I'd like your opinion because I consider this cruel. Who's right? -- JAYNE IN MIAMI

DEAR JAYNE: You are, and I can see how your husband's behavior is hard to swallow. His actions are not only selfish but also intimidating. People who won't share food are usually selfish about other things as well.

Allow me to share a bit of advice: On the nights when your husband is socializing, make some plans with some of your women friends. Because you're not getting your treats at home, get them elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: As the years have passed, my brown hair has slowly been replaced by threads of silver. Friends and relatives have teased me about it. I don't let their remarks bother me, but certain individuals do irritate me with their remarks. So I came up with a comeback to address their comments.

I tell them with a smile that each of my white hairs represents a "seed of wisdom" in my "field" of knowledge. I love seeing their expressions when I say this. Perhaps this will help other seniors. What do you think, Abby? -- R.J.P. IN MAINE

DEAR R.J.P: The decision to color one's hair -- or not -- is a personal one. Some people prefer to let nature take its course while others would rather "curl up and dye" than show any gray. I respect not only your refusal to be "teased" into doing something you don't want to do, but also that you do it with humor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Felix" for six years. He moved in with me a year ago. We decided to do it because it made sense economically, and also to find out if our lifestyles meshed. We now know that we are compatible, and I feel that I am living with the man I would like to marry soon.

My problem is although I have a stable, high-paying job and am ready for marriage and children, Felix is not. He has given me the distinct impression that he has no plans to marry me for at least two years -- until he finds a higher-paying job and can support himself instead of depending on me.

I feel awkward not knowing when -- or if -- Felix will propose. I now realize that I acted too soon in encouraging us to live together. I don't know if I should just accept our living situation or ask him to move out until he's ready for marriage. How should I approach this without making him think I no longer love him? -- TOO QUICK IN SAN JOSE

DEAR TOO QUICK: You and Felix need to have a loving -- but frank -- conversation. I respect the fact that he doesn't want to be married until he is in a stronger financial position. And I also respect the fact that you don't want to just live together indefinitely.

A lot can happen in two years. People's goals can change, they can meet others and their careers can separate them. It appears that you and Felix may suffer from a case of bad timing. It is important that both of you be free to grow in your own ways.

While this might seem sad, it does not mean that you do not care for each other, or that you won't wind up together. But for now, some separation would be the healthiest thing for both of you. If your relationship is meant to be, his moving out won't kill it.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbors are taking advantage of us. They go on five vacations a year and expect us to watch their cat and house -- for no pay. This includes shoveling snow, watering plants and flowers, mowing their lawn, getting their mail and feeding their cat, along with litter box duty. They insist that "Princess" be checked on twice a day.

My husband and I work full-time and have three small children. We have told our neighbors how busy we are, but they still expect it of us. They don't even ask nicely. They'll say, "We're going to be gone for a week and will need you to take care of our place."

They're an older couple and generally good neighbors, but we feel that if they can afford to take all these trips, they can also afford to pay us. They do bring us trinkets from their travels, but we could really use the money. They have no children or other close neighbors.

What should we do? Please hurry because they have another trip coming up. -- POOPED-OUT PET SITTERS

DEAR POOPED OUT: Start checking around to see what professional house and pet sitters are charging for their services in your area. Then have a frank chat with these neighbors and inform them what the going rate is, and that rather than trinkets you could use the money. If they're smart, they'll compensate you because you have already proven that you are honest and reliable as well as close by.