DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I moved into a new apartment. The complex, while not luxurious, is quite nice.

A few weeks after I moved in, one of my neighbors informed me that the woman who lives across from me is running a business from her home. Her "services" are illegal, if you know what I mean. I have noticed that whenever I leave my apartment, or return to it, there is yet another strange man entering or leaving.

I am conflicted. This is my home, too, and I shouldn't have to worry about these characters. What if they mistake my door for hers? Also, I have overheard this woman on her cell phone making arrangements for these individuals to come over. She even gives out the gate code to them.

Although I would like to report these illegal activities, I'm afraid of retaliation. What is the best way to handle this? Or should I just look the other way and mind my own business, the way the other neighbors have? -- IT'S MY HOME, TOO, IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR M.H.T.: You and the person who clued you into what has been going on should discuss this matter with the building manager or management company. They should be told exactly what you have told me, including the fact that this woman is giving out the code to the security gate willy-nilly. This is a serious breach of security for every tenant who lives there, and you have a valid reason for concern.

P.S. If you do not feel safe, you should move.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son, "Gabriel," is suffering from the onset of psychosis. His mother and I have been working with local mental health officials to have him committed to a hospital so he can receive the treatment he so desperately needs.

While my wife was driving him to the hospital, Gabe jumped out of the moving vehicle and took off. He wasn't found for 10 days. When he was returned, we were able to have him committed, and he is now undergoing treatment.

Since then, Gabe has begun talking about his "adventure," which involved walking more than 200 miles. At the time he fled, he was wearing only a shirt, shorts, slippers and a hat. He had $10 on him. He said he made his way through swamps and woods, and was covered with mud and ticks.

After walking for two days, a woman began walking beside him and asked if she could help. Her name was Gay. She took my son into her home, where he was welcomed by her husband and daughter. They also gave him some food and money when he left.

Our son could have died had it not been for Gay and her family. Since we don't know the last name or exact location of these Good Samaritans, a letter in your column is the only way we have to express our deep gratitude. Thank you, and may God bless each of you for your kindness. -- GRATEFUL DAD, ALEXANDRIA, VA.

DEAR GRATEFUL DAD: I'm pleased to print your letter. Not only does it convey your feelings, it also serves as a reminder that the mentally ill people we see living on our streets and in our alleys -- instead of in hospitals where they should be receiving treatment -- are ALL somebody's children. And even if their families are not involved, they are still children of God.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice on how to handle a delicate situation at work because it's starting to get to me.

One of my co-workers, "Vicki," is overweight. She has been dieting and having some success with it. I support her efforts and am happy for her. However, she constantly makes comments to and about me. I often hear her comparing our looks, and I have heard her saying that we wear the same size. Abby, we don't.

As with many women, I struggle to maintain a positive body image. Vicki's constant comparisons are now shaking my confidence. It is the persistence of her remarks that is getting to me. I don't understand why she feels it is appropriate to comment on my body, size or looks. I didn't ask to be used as a benchmark for her weight loss. Should I say something or keep quiet? -- MEDIUM-SIZED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MEDIUM-SIZED: Vicki envies and admires your looks. Like it or not, you are her "role model." She is also in denial about the way she actually looks. Because her constant comments bother you to the extent they do, you should definitely tell her she is making you self-conscious and ask her to stop. And if she doesn't comply, ask your boss to get the message across to her that her behavior is inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is insisting that she have my 8-month-old daughter "Mallory's" ears pierced. I am refusing. I do not want Mallory to be uncomfortable during the procedure or afterward. I have enough to worry about without adding fears of infected earlobes or my little one choking on jewelry parts. Mallory is just a baby -- MY baby.

My mother-in-law says she will "slip off" and have Mallory's ears pierced and I won't be able to do anything about it. Furthermore, when I said I didn't feel it was necessary to explain why I was against the idea, my father-in-law stood up and told me to get out of his #@&! house. I took Mallory and left.

Two weeks later, they called my husband and asked to baby-sit. They have never apologized. I'm afraid they will pierce my baby's ears if she's left alone with them. What do I do? -- MALLORY'S MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: I'll tell you what you DON'T do -- you do not allow your in-laws to baby-sit your daughter until you are absolutely sure your wishes about her care will be followed.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 10 years I have put up with my husband's manipulative ex-wife. I am tired of her using their boys as a way to get my husband to do things. Don't get me wrong -- I know my husband "has" to do things for his boys. But there are times when she could manage for herself without him.

Abby, this woman still keeps their wedding picture on her fireplace. My question is: Do you think she is still in love with him? -- WONDERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR WONDERING: Whether your husband's ex-wife is still in love with him should be of no concern to you -- as long as he is not still in love with her. She may keep the wedding picture on her mantle for the sake of her sons, as proof that at one time she was actually a size 6, or even that she was once loved by someone.

You have nothing to gain -- and a great deal to lose -- by harboring resentment against her. She will always be a part of your lives because she is your stepsons' mother, and she will be a grandmother to their children. If you are wise, you'll accept it, not obsess and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband, but how do you make a man stop embarrassing you in public?

My husband flirts openly with cashiers right in front of me, and asks complete strangers walking by if they would "like to buy a wife cheap."

Yesterday we went out to lunch and the bill was $18.42. He made a big fuss about it with the cashier, then loudly informed me it was my "fat a--" meal that cost so much. Abby, my meal was $6. I died a million deaths that day.

My husband is proud to have the nickname "Mr. Rude." Many of my friends avoid him because of his rudeness. He tells me people think it's funny, but I know they are offended. -- NOT LAUGHING IN CINCINNATI

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: Excuse me? Is "Mr. Rude" the same man you married, or is his poor imitation of Henny Youngman something new? If it's something new, your husband needs his head examined. If it's the way he has always behaved and you have tolerated being ridiculed this way for years, then you need to tell him to knock it off or ask yourself why you put up with it.

Your husband's behavior is inexcusable. But, if necessary, two can play that "game." With a little time I'm sure you can come up with a retort or two that will teach him a lesson he won't forget. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

DEAR ABBY: I am a bachelor by choice. I love my freedom. If I were interested in raising children, I would have married and had some.

My problem is a young man I'll call "Kyle." Kyle is 14 and attends the same house of worship that I do. He has become attached to my hip.

Kyle is extremely intelligent, multilingual (which I am not), but small for his age. Whenever I go there, he changes seats to be near me. If I ask him to move for a moment so I can speak privately to someone, he gets a hurt look on his face.

The boy has few friends, probably because he's more intelligent than most teens. His father, also an intellectual, often puts Kyle down.

His mother told me Kyle talks about me often at home -- when he's not beating up his younger brother, raging at his parents or throwing temper tantrums. Abby, I don't want to be a role model. I am older than his parents. I enjoy talking to him after services, but I do not want to be his buddy.

Kyle's mother has now started asking me to come to their home for meals, in an effort to control the boy. (When Kyle is with me, he is kinder, more considerate, polite and helpful than he usually is, according to his mom.)

How can I, without hurting this young man or changing my place of worship, get Kyle to find a buddy closer to his age? -- SOLO IN FLORIDA

DEAR SOLO: You should not be placed in the position of trying to solve this troubled family's problems. Kyle isn't looking for a "friend"; he is looking for a father.

Start by talking to your religious adviser and explaining what you know about Kyle's family situation. Perhaps his "intellectual" but insensitive father can be made to recognize that his son's problems stem from the need for a parent who loves, values and accepts him. And if he doesn't get it now, Dad may be paying for a lot of couch time later.

P.S. Politely refuse those dinner invitations, because if you don't, you'll not only be socially obligated to reciprocate in some way, you will also be trapped.