DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Jasmine," has been seeing a therapist to deal with serious depression and anxiety issues, and I think she has done well for the most part.

I am just upset that she has taken to smoking with her co-workers to deal with stress. I don't like smoking. My mother smokes, and I find it disgusting.

I hate saying these things to Jasmine because when I do, she takes it personally. We have discussed this more than once, and she insists that my asking her to stop is "being controlling." I can't know what stress she is experiencing because of her emotional problems, but I do know that smoking isn't the solution.

I love Jasmine with all my heart, and it's devastating to me to say this, but I can't be with a smoker. Our relationship has been great, but I do not choose to spend my life in a haze of tobacco smoke. I am in college and every day I see kids my age outside freezing their butts off for a smoke because it isn't allowed inside.

Please help me, Abby. This is something I can't compromise on. It's enough that I already have one person close to me who smokes -- I don't need another. – ANTI-SMOKER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANTI-SMOKER: The fellow students you see freezing their butts off for a smoke aren't doing it because they like it. They are freezing their butts off because they're addicted to nicotine, need their fix and are willing to get it in sub-zero weather if they must.

People who reach for a cigarette when they are feeling stressed regard the cigarette as a "friend" they can hold onto. What they don't realize is the cigarette is holding onto THEM -- and occasional smokers become dependent not only on the ritual but also the "drug."

You have a hard choice to make, and so does Jasmine. Perhaps it will be easier if Jasmine does the choosing. Tell her that if you smell tobacco on her hair, skin, breath or clothing, you won't kiss her. If she hasn't quit smoking within 30 days, you'll have your answer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, kids and I fly to the West Coast once a year for either summer vacation or the holidays. As soon as we arrive, my in-laws take me -- "the wife" -- to the grocery store to shop for food and expect me to pay half the bill.

Abby, my in-laws are not hurting for money, and I have never understood this bizarre custom. I don't appreciate getting off a long plane flight to go grocery shopping and incur yet another expense after paying for air travel, etc. I wouldn't dream of doing it to them. Everything is always taken care of before they come to visit us.

Would you consider this poor hospitality on their part, or a difference in cultures -- East Coast formal versus West Coast casual? I am trying to let it go, but it is getting old. -- DREADING NEXT TIME, HAMPTON, VA.

DEAR DREADING: What you have described is not a difference in cultures. Your in-laws may not be hurting for money, but they may be on a budget. Because being taken to the grocery store and asked to pay for half the groceries bothers you, on your next visit have them take their son along so he can have the pleasure. You can't change his parents, so don't let it ruin your visit.

DEAR ABBY: "Young and in Love" (Oct. 31) does not need to "defend" herself. Lots of folks who marry young have successful marriages. I was 20, and my wife was 21 when we married. My mother thought I was too young, but signed the paper giving us permission because I was underage in the state where we were married. That was 54 years ago.

Our secret is a personal commitment under God to each other to make it work during the difficult times as well as the good ones. -- 54 YEARS AND COUNTING, TIGERVILLE, S.C.

DEAR 54 YEARS AND COUNTING: Your letter expresses the sentiments of many readers. Commitment seems to be the common bond between couples who have long marriages -- some as long as 70 years. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please let "Young and in Love" know that I, too, married at 20. My husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage last month. Abby, your advice is right on. What matters most in a marriage isn't age. It's the willingness to work through whatever comes your way, no matter what it takes. What keeps us strong and still in love today is our faith and commitment to each other. -- LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT 24

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Young." I, too, was married when I was 20. There were many naysayers -- even the priest. As he was marrying us he asked, "Are you sure you REALLY want to go through with this?" That was more than 26 years ago.

If you really love and respect one another, it can last. Get rid of the doubters in your life and surround yourself with positive people.

My husband and I are more in love today than we were all those years ago. He's my best friend. One of the perks of marrying young is having kids young. Then you get grandchildren sooner. If nothing else, stay together just to prove them wrong. -- STILL IN LOVE IN CRYSTAL BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I met my wife Christmas caroling. My hands were cold and she warmed them (and my heart). I was 17; she was 14. We married when I was 22 and she was 19. Fifty-four years later, we are still together, and she warms my heart every morning when we wake up together. -- IN LOVE FOREVER, MAGNOLIA, DEL.

DEAR ABBY: Our college friends held a lottery betting how long our marriage would last. The longest bet was 18 months. Last August we decided to renew our vows in the same town and church where we were married 50 years ago. It was a very special ceremony made even more so when the priest asked the congregation to sing, "They Tried to Tell Us We're Too Young." -- BEEN THERE IN WAITSBURG, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married when we were 19 and 17, without the support of family and friends. They all said it wouldn't last because we were too young, from broken homes and hadn't finished our educations.

Each wedding anniversary we would lift a glass and say, "It can't last," except for our most recent one last March. We lifted our glasses and said, "Happy 60th anniversary, Honey." Love can overcome anything. -- OLD AND LOVED, LANCASTER, PA.

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DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, everyone! Welcome to a brand-new year. Today is our chance for a new beginning, the day we discard destructive habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I'm printing Dear Abby's oft-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent in by I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature." The following prayer of St. Francis contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

"Where there is injury, pardon;

"Where there is doubt, faith;

"Where there is despair, hope;

"Where there is darkness, light;

"Where there is sadness, joy.

"O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"To be understood as to understand;

"To be loved as to love.

"For it is in giving that we receive;

"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

"It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

May this New Year bring with it peace and joy. And to one and all -- a happy, healthy 2009.

With love, ABBY