DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to be a slut and still be a virgin? I am 20, and I am good at attracting boys, but I'm still a virgin because I have never had an actual relationship.

I "hook up" with many guys, sometimes two in the same weekend. I bring them home from parties, but they aren't strangers. I know them from school.

Since my best friends and I moved into our apartment, I have brought five different guys home with me, but I have not had sex with any of them. The other day, one of my friends told me I'd better be careful that I don't get a reputation. I was surprised because I thought you had to actually have sex with a lot of people in order to get a bad reputation. I'm just having fun. What do you think? -- HAVING FUN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HAVING FUN: It depends upon what you mean by "fun." If your definition of fun is doing "everything but," then the person who warned you about you getting a reputation has a point -- eventually you will get a reputation.

However, if all you and these guys are doing is hanging out, then I'd say the person who warned you may be jealous. It reminds me of the saying, "A 'slut' is anyone who is more popular than me."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my 60s, and my health isn't the greatest. My son "Dan" asked me to move in with him, but I'm reluctant. I spent some time with his girlfriend, "Twylla," when they lived with me for six months, and the entire time all she did was complain to me about my "no-good son." During that "visit" she never lifted a finger to do dishes, clean her room or even prepare a meal for herself.

I can still take care of myself, but I'm not able to take care of Twylla. Last night she phoned me screaming and crying because Dan went to his friend's house without her. I told her if she didn't like the way he treated her, to go home to Mommy and Daddy. When she called them, they told her Dan is entitled to a night out with his male friends. (They told me about it.) I told her father to come and get her if she thinks my son is abusing her.

I like Twylla when she's not complaining, but I need a polite way to tell her to shut up. Dan works 12-hour shifts, seven days a week, and deserves to relax. He has had to call the police about her; they locked her in the psych ward because she took pills and tried to commit suicide.

I want to spend time with my son and grandson, but I need some rules for Twylla's conduct before moving in with them. What do you suggest? -- AT A LOSS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR AT A LOSS: You need more than a polite way to tell your son's girlfriend to "shut up." You need to think again about moving into their home, which would be a stressful environment.

If you move in, Twylla will expect you to continue your assigned role as her parent, housekeeper, confidant and referee as she dumps her complaints (real or imagined) about your son on you. Twylla may be a nice girl when she's in her right mind, but it appears her mental health is fragile. If you were in good health, my advice might be different. But as things stand, the stress could cause your health to deteriorate further.

Because you would like to spend more time with your son, my advice is to stay close to them -- but in your own place. That way you'll have some refuge and respite, and so will Dan.

DEAR ABBY: My heart is broken. I don't know how to fix it, and sometimes I want to kill myself. I'm in love with my children's father and he knows it. "Brad" comes over to have sex with me, but we're not together. He tells me he's single, but I know he's with someone else. I want him to be honest -- give me that much respect -- because I have two kids by him.

Brad is the only person I'm having sex with. I told him I'm getting too old to play games. I'm trying to get on with my life, but still we have sex.

When do I say enough is enough? I tell Brad I need to drop the kids off, and he tells me no. But I need some alone time, too. If I had known our relationship would turn out like this, I would never have gotten involved with him. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what to do. -- HEARTSICK IN KANSAS

DEAR HEARTSICK: For the sake of your mental health and for your children's future, wake up and realize that you are not "in love" with Brad. You're in love with the fantasy of who you would LIKE him to be.

The person you have described is immature, a liar and so selfish he doesn't care who is hurt by his behavior -- not you and not his children. He will never change. Allowing this man in your life is fruitless, and you will not become stronger until you finally accept that fact.

If you haven't already done so, contact the social services department in your state to ensure that Brad contributes something to the children's care. If you need alone time, trade favors with another single mother or a trusted friend or family member. But please, do not continue on the path you're on because it's leading you nowhere.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office where there are more men than women. We all share one bathroom. Fairness would dictate that the toilet seat be left up, as more males will need it that way; however, I can't escape the feeling that the seat's natural position is down. Do you know what is proper? -- JUST WONDERING

DEAR JUST WONDERING: I'm glad you asked. According to Emily Post, "In a unisex restroom, don't leave the toilet seat up."

DEAR ABBY: Help me decide -- should I stay or should I go? My companion, "Ted," and I have known each other for more than two years and have lived together for a year. We have a good relationship and enjoy many of the same things. He pays all the bills, and if we go anywhere, he pays for our trip.

Friends keep asking when Ted and I are going to get married. He is 78 and I am 61. I would like to be married, but Ted says "never," he's "too old to get married."

He was married to his late wife for 45 years. I have been married three times. My last two husbands died, so I understand loss. Ted says he now wants only a girlfriend.

Our family members get along well. One of his children even asked me when we're tying the knot. Abby, is there really an age when it's too old to marry? -- YOUNG AT HEART IN FLORIDA

DEAR YOUNG AT HEART: No, couples older than you and Ted have married. What your companion is telling you is that HE doesn't want to make that kind of commitment again. If a live-in relationship with Ted is something you enjoy and his paying the travel expenses is enough, then stay. However, if a lifetime commitment is what you're really looking for, then you'll have to look elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: Like "Middle Child in Hackensack, N.J." (Nov. 4), I am a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister, and I, too, felt my siblings were favored.

When I was younger, it seemed I was blamed for everything and got nothing from my parents. I am 20 now, and realize that my parents actually gave me a lot.

Because they never spent the money on me that they did on my siblings, I have worked since I was 16 to get what I want, and I've learned how to manage my money. I understand sharing better than they do because I've always had to let my little sister use and borrow my things. I have also learned to accept that nothing comes without hard work, and that the best of everything isn't always the most expensive.

"Middle Child" is not alone. I believe many parents with three kids act this way, although not consciously. Don't resent your family members for this because they do love and care about you. Learn what you can from it. Those lessons will help you more in the long run than being spoiled now will. -- HAPPY IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR HAPPY: You are a thoughtful, wise and mature 20-year-old, and I thank you for your letter. I advised "Middle Child" that she should also turn her frustration into an effort to excel at something -- to find validation from within her family and outside it. Read on for comments from other middle children:

DEAR ABBY: Some parents do favor one child over another, but most try hard not to let it affect how they treat their children. That girl's parents may not realize they are acting differently. I think she should have a non-confrontational private talk with her parents and express her feelings to them. They may be shocked to hear she feels this way.

As a child, I often felt disregarded. This was news to my parents, and we all learned to readjust how we dealt with each other. That was almost 30 years ago, and it made a huge difference. -- SIBLING IN LAUREL, MD.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle child. Both my siblings were treated better by my mother than I was. Dad tried to make up some of the difference, and it is no surprise that I am closer to him than either of my siblings.

The girl in Hackensack should speak to her school counselor or her religious adviser. Because of my situation I now have a very close relationship with a woman my mother's age, and she has filled in a lot of the gaps left by my mom. Confiding in a close relative can also be a comfort.

Finding someone to talk to makes it a lot easier to get through until you are out on your own. My relationship with my friends has kept me going. And time does help. I'm proof. -- MIDWEST SURVIVOR

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with some of your advice to "Middle Child." Sadly, it's not uncommon for parents to get so wrapped up in daily life that they fail to meet their children's emotional needs. Too many young girls already believe that they must constantly earn the approval of others in order to succeed, and it can easily become a recipe for lifelong low self-esteem. "Middle Child" needs to learn some self-validation skills and to understand that she already has value as a worthwhile human being because of who she is right now. -- WALKED THAT ROAD

DEAR ABBY: Here's my theory about middle children. Visualize a sandwich. The outer layers are two slices of simple bread, and the inner layer is what gives flavor to the sandwich. Without the filling, the sandwich would be boring and tasteless. YOU are the "spice" that makes life fun and yummy. I wouldn't give up my middle spot in the family for anything! -- LAURA IN SAN LUIS OBISPO