DEAR ABBY: I have tried to have cordial relations with my neighbors, but do not have particularly close friendships with any of them.

A little over a year ago, a young man started coming to my home on a regular basis whenever my wife was out of town. After a while, he began spending the night with me when she was away.

Evidently, some of my neighbors noticed these visits and started gossiping about it, spreading the rumor that I am gay and that this young guy is my lover. More recently, however, he has spent the night when my wife is present, so now my neighbors think something kinky is going on.

At times I am puzzled by this. At other times I am angry at their arrogance and gall. The explanation is simple: The young man is my son from a previous relationship. Because we were prevented from having contact when he was a child, we are now trying to establish a relationship -- and we are making progress. My wife and other children have been wonderfully supportive in all this.

I really don't want to tell my neighbors what's going on because it will inevitably lead to a disclosure of some things that are really none of their business. But I am troubled by the rumor that I have a young male lover. What do you think I should do? -- I'M HIS DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DAD: If you don't want to let your neighbors know the truth, then you will have to tolerate the fact that they have active imaginations and have drawn their own (mistaken) conclusions. If I were in your shoes, however, I think I'd come "out of the closet" on the paternity issue and put the gossip to rest by having your wife introduce your son around as exactly who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I started working in a medical office a year ago. I handle the financial end of the practice and, because of that, I have a private office. I have six co-workers who assume that I am antisocial because I stay in my office most of the time.

When I come out to socialize, they ignore me and have given me unpleasant vibes. I tried recently to transfer to another medical office, but my boss counter-offered so that I would stay. Out of loyalty to him, I stayed.

Now I have to continue going to lunch alone and sitting in my office all day without anyone saying a word to me. What can I do to feel more accepted? -- EXCLUDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EXCLUDED: Try a little harder to integrate into the group by bringing some treats to the office for "the gang" and offering to share, or inviting them all out to lunch.

However, if that doesn't melt some ice, have a talk with the office manager because you have described a hostile work environment. If you are the office manager, then let the doctor know what's going on. There are steps your boss can take to rectify the situation. And if it doesn't happen, take the other job and let the doctor know why.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a "debate," and I hope you can help. When dining out in a restaurant, is it proper etiquette to ask for a taste from another person's plate? -- WHAT'S MINE IS MINE IN MAINE

DEAR W.M.I.M.: I have never heard of any rule of etiquette that forbids asking for a bite. If you're afraid your husband will take too much, place a small portion on your bread plate and pass it to him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a private person by nature and avoid doing a lot of posting on the Internet because of it. My problem is a friend I'll call "Maria," who constantly posts pictures of our outings with friends on her Web site for everyone to see.

The photos themselves are not embarrassing, I just prefer not having my face plastered all over the Internet. Most recently, Maria posted photographs from my wedding without asking me, and it really bothered me. I understand that she is an outgoing person who enjoys sharing details of her life, but I feel like my privacy has been invaded.

I am not the only person in our group that feels this way. How do we ask her to stop posting these images without offending her? -- OVEREXPOSED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OVEREXPOSED: You do it by telling Maria -- with a smile -- that posting your pictures on her Web site makes you uncomfortable and to please stop it.

If you don't have the courage to confront her one-on-one, then do it as a group. Should Maria "forget" and continue posting pictures you'd rather not appear online, remember to duck when she whips out her camera.

DEAR ABBY: Would you mind settling a debate? My friend Tony was born in New York. His parents moved the family to Florida when he was 6.

Tony's wife was born and raised in New York, and he says he is "from New York." She disagrees and tells him he is from Florida because he was raised there.

When someone asks, "Where are you from?" (geographically), what is the correct response? -- BORN IN JERSEY, RAISED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BORN/RAISED: What often prompts that question is a regional or a foreign accent, and some people become defensive when asked where they are from. In states like Florida, Arizona, Nevada and California the question often comes up because so many residents have moved from somewhere else.

When Tony is asked, it might be more accurate to respond, "I was born in New York and raised in Florida," and his wife should not need to correct him. (Dear Abby rule for a successful marriage: Don't start arguments over things that are inconsequential.)

DEAR ABBY: I am married for the second time and have added two boys to my three. My stepsons are great, but I do have one challenge. Their mother can sometimes be "excessive." She buys them expensive gifts for no reason, allows them to drink sugary soft drinks, etc. This is very different from how I parent my sons.

Yesterday, the younger one was showing us his wiggly tooth (his first) and said he would be taking it to his mom's house because she leaves $20 while we only give $1! So far, I have taken the grin-and-bear-it route. I'm curious as to your take on the situation. -- TOOTH FAIRY IN GAITHERSBURG, MD.

DEAR TOOTH FAIRY: Your husband's ex may feel guilty about the divorce and be using gifts to make it up to her boys, or she may be trying to one-up you. It is also possible that this is the way her mother raised her -- in a household where $20 for a lost tooth was not unusual and sugary soft drinks were a staple. So keep smiling and try not to let it get to you.

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DEAR ABBY: My youngest son, "Trent," is 17. At a very early age it became apparent that he was a gifted athlete. Years of stellar performance in baseball and other sports have elevated him to a high social status -- and it has created a rift between us.

Trent has become unmanageable. He regards my influence, direction and discipline to be nothing more than a daily hindrance. Somewhere in the sports mania, I lost control as a father.

As his only parent (and support), I wonder how many other parents are really aware of the crushing burden and peer pressure these young people experience in the quest for athletic perfection. I have and always will support my son's goals, but I see a disassociation with reality while he revels in his status. A college scholarship is a given.

Is my issue unique? Do you have any advice for me? -- SPORTS DAD DOWN SOUTH

DEAR SPORTS DAD: As a single parent, watching his last child getting ready to leave the nest, your situation is far from unique. You have devoted the last 17 years to your son's welfare, and now that he is nearing adulthood you feel him slipping away.

There comes a point when parents have to start trusting that the values they have instilled in their offspring are deeply rooted enough to guide them in the right direction in the coming years. You cannot supervise and influence your son much more than you already have. So my advice is to keep the lines of communication open and to start letting go. Life will teach him lessons that will bring him back down to earth eventually.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29, and my girlfriend, "Mia," is 25. We have been in a committed relationship for 10 months. A few weeks into our relationship I noticed that every time Mia was relaxing or riding in the car, she would suck her thumb. When she spends the night with me, she brings her baby blanket.

Mia used to be discreet about the thumb-sucking, but now she openly does it in front of my parents and our friends. She also sucks her thumb in front of her parents. From time to time they try to correct her, but when they do, she yells at them to "get off her back." When I mention it, she becomes upset and defensive and says she sees no reason to stop.

I care about Mia and don't want to hurt her, but friends and family have asked me about her habit. Is this just a bad habit or a sign of something else? -- LEFT WONDERING IN SEATTLE

DEAR LEFT WONDERING: Mia's thumb-sucking may be her way of relieving stress, or it could be a symptom of an underlying emotional disorder. However, if this is the way your girlfriend talks to her parents, you should recognize that it is also a sign of what you may have to look forward to in the future -- so be warned.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who leaves full bottles of liquor on her kitchen table for days at a time. She has an 8-year-old son who eats at the table. Is this good for the boy, or can it affect him in any way? I need to know if I should say something. -- RUTH IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR RUTH: Unless you have reason to think that your friend's son is sampling the booze, I see no reason for you to interfere. You did say they were FULL bottles of liquor, didn't you?