DEAR ABBY: I consider myself to be a "free spirit." I bike and hike to get around, do not own a car and pretty much try to live "off the grid."

My recently married sister and new in-laws are my favorite people in the world. But they constantly arrange weekend events -- movie nights, shopping trips and coffee bar-hopping. The objective, of course, is the joy of sharing good company.

As a vehement anti-consumerist and anti-materialist, I find it deeply upsetting to be asked to spend money on things I consider to be exploitive industries and endeavors. On the other hand, there's nothing I enjoy more than being in the presence of these kind, loving, nurturing people.

So, just as I can't stand the way they spend their money, I don't want to spoil their good time by being some kind of "psycho naturalist in-law." What can I do? -- PRINCIPLED BROTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR BROTHER-IN-LAW: Limit the movie dates, refuse the expensive coffee dates and do not buy anything you don't need. This doesn't mean you can't accompany your sister and the in-laws on their shopping trips. Reciprocate by inviting them to your home for an evening of board games, conversation or rented movies. Many people have begun to see the wisdom of your philosophy of frugality, so consider yourself in the forefront of a new wave.

DEAR ABBY: I remember when I was a child, the library was a sacred place where one could go and find peace and quiet, study, meditate or just relax and read a good book.

I am 30 now and working on an advanced degree and rely on the library as a place to get things done, but I'm beginning to wonder what happened to that "silence" rule. Patrons talk on mobile phones, converse loudly and act like they're at home. I remember when librarians were quick to make sure the library was quiet, but now they are some of the worst offenders.

If silence cannot be found in the library, where can it be found -- and is there anything I can do to turn back the clock? -- NEEDS PEACE AND QUIET IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NEEDS P AND Q: Much as we might wish to, no one can "turn back the clock." So have a chat with the head librarian and make your concerns known. While it may not be possible to have total silence, it would not be out of line to ask if there is a room in the library that could be designated as a conversation-free and cell-phone-free zone. If the answer is no, speak to one of your professors and inquire if there is a study hall where you can find the peace and quiet you need.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 86-year-old woman, blessed with good health and mobility. I do not need a walker or a cane. My problem is some of my younger relatives grab my arm when we are walking. I know they mean well, but it actually makes it harder for me. I haven't said anything to them for fear of offending them. How should I handle this? -- ELDERLY, NOT FEEBLE IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR NOT FEEBLE: I'm glad you wrote because your question is an important one that applies not only to older people, but also to people who are visually impaired.

Often, well-intentioned folks will grab someone by the arm in order to "help" him or her step down from a curb, cross a street, etc. Doing this is counterproductive, and can actually cause the person to lose his or her balance. It is far more effective to offer the person one's arm to take if that person feels he or she needs assistance.

Explain this to your younger relatives.

DEAR ABBY: I clearly remember my first Valentine's Day. I was in first grade. A few days before, my mom asked how many kids were in my class, and we went to a store and bought large packages of valentines -- one for every child in the class. The cards were all the same size and said, basically, the same thing.

When I arrived at school, each classmate had a small box on his or her desk. At some point during the day, I went around the room and gave each child a valentine. There was one for the quiet one in the back, the most popular girl in class, the prettiest and even the boys. This was long before society taught me that such a show of affection had to exclude people of the same gender as me. By the end of the day, everyone had a full box of valentines to take home.

One desk, one box ... the love of a child.

As I grew older, society taught me to narrow my offering of affection, picking only those I chose to be special or worthy. Eventually, I was taught to limit my valentines to only one person. More time went on, and then a card was not enough. To show that really special person what she meant to you, you needed to send flowers, candy and jewelry.

Apparently, as we grew older it took more and more to fill those boxes. Now we absolutely could not give to more than one person. People hire detectives to make sure that the person isn't filling anyone else's. And if you had no one to send you anything, you were saddened by your big, empty box filled only with sadness and despair.

Today, I am taking back from society what it has taken from me. I'm counting how many people play a role in my life, and I am buying "virtual" packages of cards. I have one for every single one of you -- man or woman, young or old, straight or gay, married or single. Each card is the same size, they all say the same thing -- that I appreciate who you are and what you have to contribute to each other.

I invite each and every one to do the same, so that no box is empty and the shy ones, the pretty ones, the popular ones and those who are less so go home tonight with a full box of valentines.

One virtual desk, one virtual box, and the love of a child at heart. I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. -- ERIC IN LOS ALAMITOS, CALIF.

DEAR ERIC: Your letter touched me -- and I am sure that everyone who reads it wishes the same for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married in a few weeks -- my third marriage, his first. We live together and keep our finances separate, which works for us. We intend to keep things that way after the wedding.

My problem is I want to keep my maiden name, and my fiance wants me to adopt his. Having been divorced twice, I speak from experience when I say what a pain it is to change one's name on checking accounts, credit cards, etc. I love my fiance and believe he's the man I'll grow old with, but I would like to keep my name.

Am I being selfish, or have you any thoughts as to how I can keep "me" on paper and still make my future husband happy? -- HAD IT WITH ALIASES IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HAD IT: Believe me, I do sympathize with your dilemma. However, I have a question: Which is more important to you -- the hassle you'll go through one more time, or your fiance's feelings? Let the answer be your guide.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 but will be 17 in a few months. I have known my boyfriend, "Gabriel," for two years. He is my first boyfriend.

After four months of dating, Gabriel has asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He had been hinting about an engagement, and I didn't have the heart to say otherwise. Gabriel is very dear to me, but I keep hearing people say, "Keep your options open." I told Gabriel that I am young (he's 18), and I want to take it slowly, but he says if I break up with him to date other guys, he will never date me again.

Abby, I want to make sure Gabriel is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I wish I hadn't started dating him because I feel too young to be engaged or married. I love Gabriel dearly. I don't want to break his heart or mine. I am also scared I might mess up this relationship. What should I do to make myself believe that I have found my true love? -- STUCK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STUCK: You should have been absolutely honest with Gabriel from the beginning. When you have found your own true love, you won't have to "make yourself" believe it. You will KNOW it.

Gabriel is pressuring you because he is afraid if you start dating others he won't measure up. For both your sakes, tell him that you are not ready to make the kind of commitment he is demanding. He may not like hearing it, but it is the truth. You won't break his heart, and once you have done it, you will feel a sense of relief.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost five years. Our wedding present from his sister and her husband -- who owns a video production company -- was supposed to be our wedding video.

Abby, we still have not received it or seen it. We have asked for it many times, and his answer is always, "I'm working on it." It's really sad. I now have two children, and this has become a sore subject. What can I do to get it without causing any more drama in the family? -- YEARNING TO SEE IT IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR YEARNING: What can you do to get it? FORget it! Either the video was lost or something went wrong with the camera during your wedding, and your brother-in-law didn't have the courage to fess up. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused. What is the rule of etiquette for buying drinks these days? I feel as though I am required to buy drinks for women whenever I am out, but I can't afford to keep this up. I'm afraid if I don't offer, I will be regarded as cheap.

I'm not dating anyone, but I still feel like it is my "macho duty" whenever I'm out with female friends or meeting women. What is the acceptable social protocol? -- J.G. IN COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS

DEAR J.G.: Things have changed a lot over the last 20 years or so. Many women prefer to buy their own drinks these days. While it is sweet of you to offer, you are under no social obligation to do so. My advice to you is to be less quick on the draw.