DEAR ABBY: In this day of massive cutbacks and layoffs, please remind your readers that people who have recently lost their jobs need their friends now more than ever.

Having found myself in this situation, I know firsthand that people I thought were my friends truly are not. The phone calls and e-mails stopped almost immediately when word got out that I was laid off. Being treated as if I have some sort of contagious disease has been as bad as losing my job. I know what happened to me is a sign of the times and no reflection on me.

So -- to all of you who have chosen to no longer communicate with me because of my employment status: I am fine. I have a positive attitude. This will not keep me down. I realize that my possibilities are endless. However badly you treat me now, when you are in the same situation, I will be there for you.

To the wonderful man in my life, thank you for standing by me and giving me daily encouragement. To my family, whom I worship beyond belief, thank you for your understanding and continued support. You have made me the person I am, and because of you, I will succeed. -- UNEMPLOYED ... NOT DOWN AND OUT

DEAR NOT DOWN AND OUT: Thank you for so eloquently pointing out that people who have lost their jobs should not be abandoned, and that the support of friends and family is crucial.

Although family relationships are our primary source of emotional support, the relationships we form at work and our work-related contacts can become like an extended second family.

If these relationships are treated as expendable, it can often be as traumatic as the death of a loved one. When a death occurs, there can be as many as five distinct stages of grief. These are anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, when it comes to job loss, there is also the added element of fear.

This is why I am appealing to you, my readers. No one can ignore the fact that times have grown uncertain. Millions of good, hardworking individuals have lost their jobs through no fault of their own. More bad news may be on the way.

Now is the time for all of us to reach out a hand to encourage and help one another. People who are unemployed should not be made to feel they have been discarded. There is strength in numbers. We will all be stronger if we stand together and observe the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are occasionally invited out to eat at expensive restaurants by a couple with whom we are friendly. The problem is the wife never fails to complain about the food. It's the wrong meal, it was prepared incorrectly, it wasn't what she ordered, etc. Even after her demands have been catered to, she continues to complain throughout the entire meal.

It is embarrassing to see the wait staff treated this way. We have become hesitant about joining them, but out of fear of hurting their feelings, we go. Then we regret having had to spend so much money and having been embarrassed once again.

What should we say the next time we are invited? Should we tell the truth or make up an excuse? -- EMBARRASSED IN OHIO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: The next time you are invited to join them, tell the woman you have "other plans." (It's true. You "plan" not to be embarrassed again.) If, after repeated refusals, the woman asks if there is "something wrong," tell her exactly what you have told me. Her behavior is boorish and a bid for attention.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Warren," and I are happily married. We love each other. We are both hardworking career professionals and have raised our family. We have always been faithful to each other.

Warren is very open with his emotions and often tells me how much he loves me. He is also very passionate during our intimate moments. The problem is, he expects me to act the same way -- which I can't. Although I love my husband and always will, I do not feel comfortable expressing myself the way he does during our lovemaking. I am content to just "get it over with" while he yearns for the kissing, hugging and talk.

Despite an active sex life with Warren, he has told me many times he wishes I were more expressive and open with my feelings. I respond by telling him, "I am who I am." He is not happy that I refuse to change.

Warren is a wonderful man. Other women probably would have no problem giving him what he wants, but we are not compatible this way. I have never spoken to anyone else about this, and I'm wondering what you think. -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFUSED: I think it's time you considered the fact that by "refusing" to change, you have limited some interesting and rewarding possibilities in your marriage. One important aspect of "performance" is receiving feedback, as anyone in the arts can attest. Lovemaking is an art, and partners need to know when they, too, are doing something right.

I wish you would have this discussion with a therapist who specializes in sexual issues. Perhaps the person can help you more effectively communicate. If you make the effort, you'll have a happier husband, and a more satisfying marriage will follow.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from childhood, "Ethan," whom I have known for 25 years, is being married. I'm a girl, and my parents weren't thrilled that my best friend was a guy, but they eventually accepted him as part of the family.

Ethan and I were very close. It hurt that we were separated by quite a distance during college and afterward. But we have always maintained an active e-mail correspondence.

During the last two years I have hardly heard from him, and he has ignored several attempts I have made at getting together. We now live only a couple of hours apart, and I often visit his city to see relatives.

I thought maybe we had just grown apart, but two weeks ago I received an invitation to Ethan's wedding. I had no idea he was even engaged! I was thrilled to hear from him and happy for him. I e-mailed him three times but received no response. Instead, Ethan's brother responded.

Is it expecting too much for him to respond personally? I miss him terribly and I'd love to go, but I'm feeling like he doesn't care. I met Ethan's girlfriend years ago, and she was very sweet. I don't think jealously plays a part in this. -- MISSING MY FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: Time and distance can sometimes change some people. It shouldn't be this difficult to maintain a friendship. The reason Ethan communicated with you through his brother instead of directly is because he wanted a buffer -- but it sends a message.

If I were you, I would send my regrets to the wedding invitation and move on. I'm sorry to be the bearer of sad tidings, but from where I sit, it appears your childhood friendship has run its course.

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DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Solo in Florida" (Dec. 26) saddened me. The writer, a confirmed bachelor, wrote about not wanting to be a role model for a 14-year-old boy, "Kyle," who became attached to him at church.

While I agree that the boy's parents have placed an unfair burden on this man, I'm sorry you didn't remind him how few people have the chance to positively impact the lives of others, particularly the lives of young children. Although "Solo" does not intend to have children of his own, he does have a chance to pass on something of equal value -- his wisdom and life experience.

Please remind "Solo" a bachelor is still a member of a community, and it takes a village to raise a child. -- HUMANIST IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR HUMANIST: Your point is well stated, and many readers agreed with you. However, "Solo in Florida" said he loves his freedom, has no desire to be a mentor, and may not possess the temperament to be one. While it is clear that "Kyle" is lacking something in his life, it is not Solo's responsibility to provide it. And Kyle's parents should not be pressing him into service. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son fits "Kyle's" description. He is intelligent, articulate, has few friends and looks to adults in our community for conversation and friendship. I'm sure he has annoyed more than one person at church, school or in other activities.

My son has Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. As a rule, individuals with Asperger's are very literal and lack the ability to read vocal inflections, body language and gestures. They frequently misinterpret conversations and situations.

If a diagnosis proves my hunch, Kyle's family should look to someone who works with individuals with autism who can teach him the tools he needs to communicate with others -- including "Solo" -- without violating social boundaries. Everyone will be happier for the effort. -- MOM OF ASPIES IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: It is possible that Kyle may be dealing with gay issues. Quite often, and especially in families involved in church, there are few if any role models for a teen who thinks he (or she) is gay. It may be that this man's kindness and the fact that he is unattached would make him the closest candidate for a role model. -- CURTIS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Because Kyle's mother is asking "Solo" to share meals with them in an effort to "control" the boy, she seems to feel that this approach has merit. Solo could tell her that while he is honored her son has chosen him as a mentor, he does not wish to take on that commitment, and suggest that she contact Big Brothers to find someone who does. -- JANE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps "Solo in Florida" should become a little less "solo" at church a few times. If he arranged to arrive with and sit between or among some other adults there, he might be able to put a little distance between himself and the boy. -- GRAMMY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Male teens who behave like Kyle often suffer from depression, undiagnosed ADD/ADHD and may be at risk for drug abuse or suicide. Involving the spiritual adviser is a good first step in helping the boy. Kyle needs a psychiatric evaluation, the family needs counseling, and his parents could benefit from some parenting classes. -- ADVOCATE IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Just a few words and a friendly smile can often do far more than one can ever imagine for a person who seems starved for attention. Even if "Solo" doesn't do anything to help that boy, I hope he at least will NOT do anything to offend or hurt him. -- DELAWARE READER