DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Josh," won't leave me alone. We have been living together for almost a year, and he is the ultimate overprotector. When I start to leave the house to run errands or anything, he stops me and asks, "Where do you think you're going?" When I tell him, he will then follow me to the location.

I love Josh and would never want to hurt his feelings, but I think he's a little too worried about me. I'm an adult, and I can take care of myself. Is Josh being too overprotective, or am I just crazy? -- OVERPROTECTED IN OREGON

DEAR OVERPROTECTED: You're not crazy. Josh's behavior is over the top and is less about your safety than his own insecurity and lack of trust. Every year or so, I print the warning signs of an abuser. Please review them carefully. If any of the signs in addition to No. 3 apply to you, you should end the relationship immediately. Read on:

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

5. ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of, "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in a matter of minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person made him (or her) do it.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

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DEAR ABBY: I am so lonely. My husband refuses to communicate with me or do anything with me. The only outlet I have is work and school. I would like to end this misery, but I don't know where to begin. We have been married for 17 years. I have never been unfaithful to him, although I have thought about it -- not for the physical aspect, but for the communication. -- DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO

DEAR DESPERATE: Has your marriage always been this way? When did this "great silence" begin? Most important, why have you tolerated an emotional "starvation diet" for so long?

If you think your marriage is worth saving, offer your husband the chance to repair it through marriage counseling -- but be prepared for it to take some time, because old habits are hard to break. If not, then accept the fact that you have suffered enough, and formalize the reality that you haven't really been married in a very long time.

DEAR ABBY: I am shy. I am by no means painfully shy, but I tend to be more of an observer when I first meet people. Once I'm comfortable I can open up and be myself. Sometimes it's only minutes, but other times I need to meet someone more than once. Many of my friends have told me their first impression of me was that I was extremely snotty. This is wrong. I'm a very kind person.

I have accepted this personality trait, but it may be interfering with my finding a job. I was recently laid off, and I'm applying for and interviewing for a new one. However, after numerous interviews I have not been invited back for a second one.

I work in public relations, where personality can be a key in hiring. I believe my shyness is hindering me from "wowing" potential employers. How can I overcome it and give a better first interview? -- WANTS TO BE HIRED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WANTS TO BE HIRED: Public relations is a form of sales, and in sales first impressions are essential. An interview is not a social situation, where you can look someone over and decide whether or not to open up. This is business, and if you're going to get hired you are going to have to sell yourself. So start working on your sales pitch. Tell potential employers what makes you the right person for the job.

Your friends and family can help you by role-playing practice interviews. Ask them to honestly critique you. If you have been working with a placement agency, discuss this with the person who has been sending you on these interviews. His or her input could also be helpful.

If this doesn't make your job search more successful, then perhaps it's time to extend your search into other fields besides public relations.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a polite response to the question, "How are you?" in situations when your life is horrible, but you would rather not talk about it (i.e., divorce)? -- DEVASTATED IN HIGHLAND, UTAH

DEAR DEVASTATED: If you would really prefer not to talk about "it," the response you should give is, "Fine, thanks -- and how are you?" This will deflect attention from yourself and onto the other person.

When you are ready to deal with follow-up questions, all you have to say is, "How am I? I've had better days!" And nine times out of 10 the person will pounce on the opening.

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused by my sister's boyfriend, "Teddy," three months ago. He is five years older than I am, and now I am pregnant.

I don't want to tell Teddy or my family because I am afraid of the consequences -- especially because he and my sister are getting married in three months. I don't want to ruin their marriage, but I can't keep this a secret much longer. I am starting to show.

Please help. I don't know what to do because Teddy is a respectable person and I know they won't believe me if I tell the truth. -- PREGNANT SISTER

DEAR SISTER: The first thing you must do is accept the fact that "respectable" men do not have sex -- coerced or otherwise -- with their fiancee's sister or any other woman, for that matter. For your own sake and that of your family, you must tell your parents what happened. If they are skeptical at first, assure them that a paternity test will prove that you are telling the truth.

If the sex was forced, "respectable Teddy" is guilty of rape. Even if you were willing, depending on your age, he may have committed statutory rape. Consider this: If your sister knew about this, would she still want to marry this heel? She HAS to be told the truth so she can make an informed decision.

DEAR ABBY: When I was still working and invited someone to join my wife and me for dinner, I always assumed I would pay because I was the one who did the inviting. Now that we're retired, we would like to suggest getting together with other couples, but it can get costly paying for four people.

Saying, "Let's go Dutch," sounds tacky. Is there an acceptable way to invite friends out and let them know we should each pay our own expenses? -- ON A BUDGET IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON A BUDGET: The way this is usually handled is the couple who does the inviting pays for the dinner, and the guests reciprocate by picking up the tab for the next one. Alternatively, when the check arrives at the end of the meal, the couples, by mutual consent, split it.

Because your circumstances have changed, but the expectations may not have, the subject should be raised at the time the date is arranged by saying, "Because I'm retired now, I can't treat you the way I'd like -- but we'd love to see you." If they are real friends, they'll be glad to see you, too -- and the fact they are paying for their own food won't stop them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife often returns home late from work. I am not worried about where she is or what she's doing, but we have had numerous arguments about the common courtesy of calling if she knows she's going to be late.

I say if she will be more than a few minutes past the expected time, she should call or text me. She says that I know where she is, so it shouldn't be necessary. What say you, Abby? -- HAD IT IN HAWAII

DEAR HAD IT: Your wife's actions show a lack of consideration for your feelings. If she knows she will be late, she should contact you so you won't be stuck sitting around with your blood sugar levels sinking, and you can arrange to grab a snack or some dinner. And by the way, if she doesn't show up within 30 minutes of the expected time, nothing prevents you from calling her.