DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mike," and I have been married for 18 years, but for the last few we have been growing apart. Mike has recently expressed a desire to quit work and sail around the world. He bought an expensive sailboat, took lessons, and is teaching our kids to sail. I tried it, but I'm afraid of the water. I have, however, been supportive of my husband's dream.

I knew Mike was looking for a "crew" for the boat because he couldn't sail with just the kids. Today he told me he has found someone. This crew consists of a married woman and her two kids. Mike invited her to crew after she first asked her husband. He did not ask ME first. He simply announced he had found a competent sailor.

I expressed vehemently that I am against this. I have never met the woman or her kids, and I'm hurt that I wasn't consulted. Mike says he is hurt because I "don't trust him."

By the way, the sailboat is only 37 feet long, and they're planning their first two-week trip this fall. What do you think? -- LANDLOCKED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LANDLOCKED: I think you should start taking sailing lessons immediately. For the sake of your marriage, I advise you to remember that YOU are first mate, so haul anchor and get moving. If you think you and Mike are drifting apart now, it will be nothing compared to when he starts living his dream and sets sail without you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I attended the funeral of my great-uncle "John." Afterward a reception luncheon was held for everyone who attended. The general atmosphere was like a family reunion, but under unfortunate circumstances.

Because it happened to be my cousin's 24th birthday, all of my aunts, uncles and cousins decided to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. I did not join in and later said something about it to my mother, who assured me that no one was being rude.

Abby, was it inappropriate to publicly celebrate the birth of one person while mourning the death of another? -- REFRAINED FROM THE CHORUS

DEAR REFRAINED: Some extended family get together only at weddings and funerals -- and you stated that the general atmosphere was like a "family reunion." If your great-uncle had been ill, it's possible that the family accepted that his death was a kind of release.

Funerals are for the living. Obviously the majority of your relatives wanted your cousin's birthday not to be forgotten. I respect that -- and so should you.

DEAR ABBY: It disgusts me to see dog owners take their dogs out for a walk on a leash for the sole purpose of letting them dirty someone else's lawn. To add insult to injury, my newspaper boy sometimes throws our paper on top of a heap of fresh delivery of these "jewels." This has continued even after my posting signs asking people not to walk their dogs on my property.

Is it too much to expect folks to be considerate of their neighbors and clean up after their pets? I'm sure I'm not alone with this annoying experience. -- DISGUSTED IN HOUSTON

DEAR DISGUSTED: You're not alone. The 11th Commandment should read: "It is the 'doo-ty' of conscientious pet owners to pick up after their dogs."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with our next door neighbors "Henry" and "Flo" for many years. When our daughter graduated from college, I didn't think much about it when Henry gave her a bracelet. He said it was for her graduation.

After that, he began giving her other expensive items for birthdays and such. I know our daughter should not have accepted these gifts, but she thought Henry was just a nice old man. Then one day he actually asked her if she would like to go out with him some time. She told him it wouldn't be appropriate.

I feel uncomfortable around my neighbors now. Is it my business to tell Flo? I have a hunch that some of the items may have come from her jewelry box. What would you do? -- DELICATE PROBLEM IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR DELICATE PROBLEM: I would instruct my daughter to box up all of the items "Harmless Henry" gave her and return them to him, because they might be stolen property -- and were given with strings attached. And I would seriously consider mentioning to Flo to keep her eye on Henry, because he appears to be spending too much time in fantasyland.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wedding etiquette question I hope you can help me with. My fiance's best man, "Rocky," is his best friend since childhood. He's a great person, and I couldn't ask for a better friend for my future husband.

Here's the problem: Rocky happens to be a well-known celebrity. While many relatives and friends have met him, many more have not.

My fiance and I are normal people with average lives, and we know many of our guests will be star-struck at the event. We want Rocky to enjoy the day like everyone else and not be hounded by fans wanting pictures or autographs. We have spoken with him about our concerns, and we're all on the same page here.

What is the best way to handle this? Should I tell people beforehand, or just let them show up at the wedding and see what happens? Your insight would be most appreciated. -- BAFFLED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: By all means let your guests know at the time you receive their RSVPs that there will be a celebrity present at your wedding -- but that this is not a public appearance; he will be there as a member of the wedding party.

They should also be told that you and your fiance would appreciate it if guests refrain from seeking autographs or pictures. If you tell them what kind of behavior you expect from them, there will be less of a mob scene.

P.S. If "Rocky" is approached, he should have the presence of mind to point out nicely that this is YOUR day, and he would prefer to keep it that way.

DEAR ABBY: Who should greet whom first? Is it the guest walking into someone's home? Or should the host be the first to greet guest(s)?

What if you're the only one saying hello all the time? -- MARISSA IN HIGHLAND MILLS, N.Y.

DEAR MARISSA: I would think that when the host opens the door, both parties would greet each other at the same time. However, if it didn't happen, I wouldn't let it stop me from offering a cheery hello and a smile. And neither should you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, my parents had a framed poem from your column hanging on our kitchen wall. None of us kids could miss it because it was right next to the telephone. Before we moved out to start families of our own, Mom gave each of us framed copies of it to remind us of family values.

Won't you please run it again for your readers? The title of the poem was "Success." Young couples today would find it as beneficial as my parents did. It worked for my sisters and brothers and me. -- MIMI IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR MIMI: I'm glad to oblige. The poem, which was penned by Martin Buxbaum, is included in my "Keepers" booklet, which is a collection of favorite letters, poems and essays that have appeared in this column over the years. It was assembled because so many readers said the items were meaningful to them, and requested that they be compiled as a booklet. Read on:

SUCCESS

You can use most any measure

When you're speaking of success.

You can measure it in fancy home,

Expensive car or dress.

But the measure of your real success

Is the one you cannot spend.

It's the way your kids describe you

When they're talking to a friend.

The booklet is titled "Keepers" because so many Dear Abby readers kept the poems, essays and letters to re-read. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

"Keepers" covers subjects from temptation to forgiveness, animals, children and human nature. Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, both witty and philosophical, it's a quick and easy read, and an inexpensive, welcome gift for newlyweds, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness because it touches on a variety of subjects.

DEAR ABBY: My single, 40-year-old cousin, "Gail," has two teenage daughters. Four years ago she built a beautiful three-bedroom house that she has never moved into. Instead, she lives with her mother and stepdad in a rundown farmhouse where her girls share a bedroom.

Gail's mother is afraid to ask her to move out, and the rest of the family can't understand why she would allow her house to stand empty. Let me add that Gail has an annual salary of almost six figures.

What's wrong with this woman? -- PERPLEXED COUSIN IN N.Y.

DEAR PERPLEXED COUSIN: Which woman? The mother or the daughter? I suggest that you ask them that question.