DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Heidi," is 17 and pregnant. She is going to an alternative high school and doing well. My daughter is proactive about her pregnancy and excited about the new baby. This will be my first grandchild, and I am excited too.

My problem is, when I express my joy, others act like I am crazy for being happy. At a baptism in church, I told my husband how happy I will be when our grandson is baptized and that I can't wait until he's born. He responded that he is not excited at all because of the expense and upheaval this new addition will cause.

I know there will be hardships with a new baby. We don't have much room in our house, and a new member will bring some burden. I do not have my head in the clouds -- but when I see the ultrasound image and hear that heartbeat, I am filled with joy.

Am I wrong to be happy? And if not, what can I say to people who tell me I am? -- PROUD ALMOST-GRANDMA

DEAR ALMOST: You are entitled to your happiness. However, please understand that unwed teen mothers and their children can face challenges, and this may be what people are alluding to when they seem to question your joy.

Frankly, I am troubled by the fact that nowhere in your letter have you mentioned how your daughter plans to raise her son, how she will provide for him, whether she plans to complete her education, what the involvement of the baby's father will be emotionally and financially, or whether she will need aid from the state. Nor have you mentioned what the impact of the new arrival will have on your marriage.

That's why, although your heart is filled with joy, you need to look ahead with your eyes wide open -- and that's what I am advising.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 40 and single -- no children. My friend, "Amanda," is in her 20s. She has two beautiful children, ages 6 and 2, and spoils them with an overabundance of toys and by giving them whatever they want.

I wouldn't interfere, but "giving them what they want" includes allowing them to ride in her vehicle without wearing a safety belt or child restraints.

I love Amanda and her children dearly. They wear their safety belts when they are with me. I'm afraid their mother will get into an accident and one of the children will be severely injured or die.

How can I convince Amanda to keep her children safely restrained when traveling without coming across as a "know-it-all"? I don't want to alienate her, but I want her kids to be safe. -- CARING FRIEND, MOBERLY, MO.

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Tell her exactly what you have told me. I thought that by now all states had seatbelt and child safety laws in place. Contact the Department of Motor Vehicles and find out if yours is one of them.

Amanda may be a loving and generous mother, but in my opinion, she is guilty of child endangerment. There are worse things than hearing a child protest being buckled in. One of them is losing a child, or having him or her maimed for life because of parental negligence.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mike," and I have been married for 18 years, but for the last few we have been growing apart. Mike has recently expressed a desire to quit work and sail around the world. He bought an expensive sailboat, took lessons, and is teaching our kids to sail. I tried it, but I'm afraid of the water. I have, however, been supportive of my husband's dream.

I knew Mike was looking for a "crew" for the boat because he couldn't sail with just the kids. Today he told me he has found someone. This crew consists of a married woman and her two kids. Mike invited her to crew after she first asked her husband. He did not ask ME first. He simply announced he had found a competent sailor.

I expressed vehemently that I am against this. I have never met the woman or her kids, and I'm hurt that I wasn't consulted. Mike says he is hurt because I "don't trust him."

By the way, the sailboat is only 37 feet long, and they're planning their first two-week trip this fall. What do you think? -- LANDLOCKED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LANDLOCKED: I think you should start taking sailing lessons immediately. For the sake of your marriage, I advise you to remember that YOU are first mate, so haul anchor and get moving. If you think you and Mike are drifting apart now, it will be nothing compared to when he starts living his dream and sets sail without you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I attended the funeral of my great-uncle "John." Afterward a reception luncheon was held for everyone who attended. The general atmosphere was like a family reunion, but under unfortunate circumstances.

Because it happened to be my cousin's 24th birthday, all of my aunts, uncles and cousins decided to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. I did not join in and later said something about it to my mother, who assured me that no one was being rude.

Abby, was it inappropriate to publicly celebrate the birth of one person while mourning the death of another? -- REFRAINED FROM THE CHORUS

DEAR REFRAINED: Some extended family get together only at weddings and funerals -- and you stated that the general atmosphere was like a "family reunion." If your great-uncle had been ill, it's possible that the family accepted that his death was a kind of release.

Funerals are for the living. Obviously the majority of your relatives wanted your cousin's birthday not to be forgotten. I respect that -- and so should you.

DEAR ABBY: It disgusts me to see dog owners take their dogs out for a walk on a leash for the sole purpose of letting them dirty someone else's lawn. To add insult to injury, my newspaper boy sometimes throws our paper on top of a heap of fresh delivery of these "jewels." This has continued even after my posting signs asking people not to walk their dogs on my property.

Is it too much to expect folks to be considerate of their neighbors and clean up after their pets? I'm sure I'm not alone with this annoying experience. -- DISGUSTED IN HOUSTON

DEAR DISGUSTED: You're not alone. The 11th Commandment should read: "It is the 'doo-ty' of conscientious pet owners to pick up after their dogs."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with our next door neighbors "Henry" and "Flo" for many years. When our daughter graduated from college, I didn't think much about it when Henry gave her a bracelet. He said it was for her graduation.

After that, he began giving her other expensive items for birthdays and such. I know our daughter should not have accepted these gifts, but she thought Henry was just a nice old man. Then one day he actually asked her if she would like to go out with him some time. She told him it wouldn't be appropriate.

I feel uncomfortable around my neighbors now. Is it my business to tell Flo? I have a hunch that some of the items may have come from her jewelry box. What would you do? -- DELICATE PROBLEM IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR DELICATE PROBLEM: I would instruct my daughter to box up all of the items "Harmless Henry" gave her and return them to him, because they might be stolen property -- and were given with strings attached. And I would seriously consider mentioning to Flo to keep her eye on Henry, because he appears to be spending too much time in fantasyland.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wedding etiquette question I hope you can help me with. My fiance's best man, "Rocky," is his best friend since childhood. He's a great person, and I couldn't ask for a better friend for my future husband.

Here's the problem: Rocky happens to be a well-known celebrity. While many relatives and friends have met him, many more have not.

My fiance and I are normal people with average lives, and we know many of our guests will be star-struck at the event. We want Rocky to enjoy the day like everyone else and not be hounded by fans wanting pictures or autographs. We have spoken with him about our concerns, and we're all on the same page here.

What is the best way to handle this? Should I tell people beforehand, or just let them show up at the wedding and see what happens? Your insight would be most appreciated. -- BAFFLED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: By all means let your guests know at the time you receive their RSVPs that there will be a celebrity present at your wedding -- but that this is not a public appearance; he will be there as a member of the wedding party.

They should also be told that you and your fiance would appreciate it if guests refrain from seeking autographs or pictures. If you tell them what kind of behavior you expect from them, there will be less of a mob scene.

P.S. If "Rocky" is approached, he should have the presence of mind to point out nicely that this is YOUR day, and he would prefer to keep it that way.

DEAR ABBY: Who should greet whom first? Is it the guest walking into someone's home? Or should the host be the first to greet guest(s)?

What if you're the only one saying hello all the time? -- MARISSA IN HIGHLAND MILLS, N.Y.

DEAR MARISSA: I would think that when the host opens the door, both parties would greet each other at the same time. However, if it didn't happen, I wouldn't let it stop me from offering a cheery hello and a smile. And neither should you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)