DEAR ABBY: I am trying hard to rebuild my marriage. My husband and I have three young children. Four months ago, I met a man (I'll call him "Jack") who made me feel like I haven't felt in a long time. We have not slept together. We tried several times to stop seeing each other, but unfortunately, my attraction to him was too strong.

This week my husband and I separated. I saw Jack this morning. Before things went too far I told him that I had herpes. Abby, he practically had a heart attack -- and ended it on the spot!

The thing is, what I said wasn't true. I just could not think of another way to make him stop being available so I could concentrate on my marriage. I feel like such a coward, and I am heartbroken. Not only do I miss Jack terribly, I also can't bear the thought that someone who made me feel so happy would just turn his back on me.

Would there be any point in telling him that I lied, or did I do the right -- albeit cowardly -- thing? -- WAVERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAVERING: I can see absolutely nothing positive to be gained by approaching Jack again. While I would never recommend lying, yours exposed the man's truth. If he truly cared about you, he would have stuck by you instead of heading for the exit. Consider yourself lucky to have learned the truth while there was still time to save your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my younger brother. I'll call him "Freddy." Freddy is 18 and very lazy. His girlfriend lives with him at my mother's house.

Our mom is always cleaning their room. She does all the cooking and sometimes even launders their clothes. Mom tells me everything, and she's bothered by this. I live with her, too, but I do my share. I pay half the rent.

How can we let them know we are not their housekeepers, but in a nice way? -- TOUCHY SUBJECT, LAS VEGAS, N.M.

DEAR TOUCHY SUBJECT: I, too, am concerned about your brother. It is time your mother realized that by allowing this arrangement, she has done her son no favors.

The girlfriend should not be living in his room rent-free. (Where the heck are her parents?) If she is a student, she should have a part-time job and contribute something -- and so should Freddy. If he is old enough to have a live-in companion, he should be mature enough to clean up and do a load of laundry.

Your mother should convene a "family council" meeting and start assigning chores. Until and unless she becomes assertive enough to draw the line, she will continue to be taken advantage of. It's not about being mean or nasty. It's about encouraging Freddy to grow up and lessen his dependence upon her.

DEAR ABBY: I am asking this question in all seriousness. While I am using a restroom in a public place, I'm not sure how to respond when someone knocks on the door to see if anyone is there. What's the appropriate answer? -- GOTTA GO IN WALDORF, MD.

DEAR GOTTA: The correct response is, "Occupied!"

DEAR ABBY: First of all, thank you so much for your column. My husband and I read it every day and appreciate the advice and support that you give so many people. We, too, have been in the helping profession for almost 30 years.

I am writing about the letter from "Upset Mom in Bellflower" (Feb. 2), about a father who told his daughter's friend she was getting fat. You rightly pointed out to Upset Mom that the remark made to "Willa" was insensitive and inappropriate, and that it cost her daughter a friend. You also stated that perhaps Dad would be similarly hurt if he were told he was getting a paunch or losing his hair.

Abby, I wish you had added one more comment: Young girls are particularly vulnerable to remarks about their size, and many cases of eating disorders have stemmed from a single, insensitive, ignorant comment from a coach, boyfriend, parent or other adult -- whether or not it was the truth.

It's very important that Willa hear from her friend's mother or another trusted adult that in fact she is beautiful and can be healthy at any size or shape, so that she will not be tempted to use harmful practices in acting on something that should never have been said in the first place. -- LINDSEY COHN, CARLSBAD, CALIF.

DEAR LINDSEY: Thank you for your important addition to the advice I offered Upset Mom. There were plenty of other readers who felt similarly. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my father made similar comments to me, my mother and most of my girlfriends throughout the time I lived at home. A few years ago, my best friend from grammar school visited me. With tears in her eyes she expressed how hurtful the comments my father had made about her size had been.

Abby, that happened more than 30 years ago, and my friend was still affected. Please remind your readers that it is never appropriate to make disparaging remarks about a person's weight. -- MARY IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15, my father made a crack about my weight. I'm sure he thought he was being "helpful," because he had seen my mother struggle with her weight. (Mind you, I was 5 feet 9 inches and 120 pounds.) I am now 48 and a successful scientist with a Ph.D. from an Ivy League university, yet I will never forget that remark from my dad. It hurt me to the core. -- STILL STINGING IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: The woman's husband was wrong for saying what he did. You should have told her to insist that he go over to the girl's house when her mother was present and apologize profusely to both of them for his inconsiderate remark. Maybe then his daughter could get her friend back. -- CECILE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I disagreed with the examples you suggested to criticize that man to make him understand the impact it can have. For the most part, men respond differently to criticism than women do. If you tell most men, "You're getting a paunch" or "Your hair is getting thin," you won't get as strong a reaction as when you tell a woman she's getting fat. Instead try, "You're not very strong," "You don't know much about sports, do you?" or "Your lawn is looking kind of shabby," depending upon what the man is most vain about. Then you may hit closer to home. -- HENRY IN CORONA, CALIF.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married for 60 years. My father has always been physically, verbally and mentally abusive to my mother. My mother is also verbally and mentally abusive to my father.

Because of the violence, Dad is now on probation for two years. They will not divorce or live separately, but continue with their sick relationship. I know we can't help them, but what can we do to save ourselves from being drawn into it? They are both masters at drawing us into it. -- DEVASTATED ADULT CHILDREN OF CRAZY PARENTS

DEAR CHILDREN: As loving, caring children you cannot, at least on some level, avoid being drawn in to some extent. However, it may be less wrenching for you if you consider that both your parents have been getting something out of this sick relationship or it would have ended years ago.

Some people mistake pain and violence for love and passion, and your folks may fall into this category. But if their dysfunctional relationship is preventing you from enjoying your own lives, then what you should do is talk about it with a psychotherapist, because at this late date, your father and mother aren't going to change.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22, and a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I must inject myself with insulin four times a day. If I am going to be away from home for more than a few hours, I must bring my insulin and other supplies with me.

When I'm in public -- like in a restaurant -- I feel as though going off alone to inject myself is denying a part of who I am, so I choose to remain visible when I inject. What is your take on this? I have never seen anyone else do it in plain view, but I would like to because diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of. People often ask questions when I do it, and I'm happy to answer them and to spread awareness.

Do you agree that accepting a disease like this is more easily achieved when one is not isolating oneself? -- UNASHAMED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNASHAMED: Yes, I do -- and I have seen someone with diabetes inject himself while seated at a dinner table. My initial reaction was one of concern, and I am sure that is how others would react as well. Having a disease like diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of, and whether you choose to inject your insulin in public is a personal choice, depending upon how comfortable a person feels about it.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to eat bacon in a restaurant? My son says that bacon is finger food and can be picked up with your fingers.

I like to cut the bacon strips into bite-sized pieces that can fit on a fork to be eaten without getting my fingers greasy. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST

DEAR MOTHER: It depends upon how you like your bacon cooked. According to Emily Post, bacon can be eaten as a finger food "when it is dry, crisp and served whole. If the bacon is broken into bits, served in thick slices (as with Canadian bacon) or limp, eat it with knife and fork as you would any other meat."