DEAR ABBY: Prom and graduation season has arrived with all of the celebrating that goes along with it. So please print my letter for parents and teens to read -- perhaps together.

My daughter was an honor student all through high school. We had a close relationship. I always made sure she knew she could come to me with any problem, whether it be her grades, alcohol or sex. On the issue of drinking and driving, I made her understand that wherever she was, I would gladly pick her up -- no questions asked. I have heard that many parents make the same offer to their children.

I firmly believed that my daughter would call me if she needed to. However, she recently decided she could drive home after drinking what she considered to be "a safe amount of alcohol." Unfortunately, she struck a utility pole on a sharp turn and flipped her car over. By the grace of God, she and her friend escaped with minor injuries. But, as you know, many people don't survive such a horrific accident.

Abby, many parents say, "It won't happen to my child." Teens think they are invincible, but tragedy happens to people from all walks of life and all kinds of families. I feel blessed that both girls are still alive to appreciate their second lease on life, but it makes me sad to think about how many kids don't return home each night. Can you comment, Abby? -- GRATEFUL MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: Not a year goes by that we don't hear news reports about drinking-and-driving tragedies -- and they are not limited to teens. Because of that, I am pleased to print your letter.

What happened to your daughter illustrates that people who have been drinking are not always aware to what extent it has impaired their judgment. And it's not limited to drinking and driving. People under the influence have been known to make more than one kind of life-changing miscalculation because they are tipsy.

Your daughter and her friend were indeed lucky. Not only could one or both of them have been killed, either of them could have suffered a lifelong injury from that escapade.

Parents: Please discuss this letter with your teen today!

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about our little ones who hear bad language on a daily basis. How is that going to go over when they reach school age?

I'll give you an example. My 3-year-old great-grandson called his mother a "dork." When I commented that he must have learned that at child care, she said, "No, he heard it from me." I was appalled.

Then there was the adorable, precocious 2-year-old who said, "Oh, #@*%!" when I dropped something. I looked at her grandmother, who informed me that the little girl hears it from her other grandma all the time.

How can the parents of these precious little children allow this to happen? How do you think it will go over when they call their teacher a "dork" or use expletives in the classroom and on the playground? -- RED-FACED GRAMMA, McHENRY, ILL.

DEAR GRAMMA: For better or worse, children model their behavior on what they hear at home. You can't blame children for not knowing what they haven't been taught. But I can tell you this, no teachers worth their salt will allow a student to be disrespectful in the classroom and let it go. And the person who will suffer is the student.

DEAR ABBY: I am 49 and have been dating a 26-year-old woman for about five months. We have a great time together and have talked about love and being in a long-term relationship. However, I am afraid that I am setting her up for an unhappy and disappointing midlife as I may require adult care about the same time her parents do.

She becomes upset when I try to bring the subject up and asserts that she's willing to accept the responsibilities associated with my golden years because she loves me. I'm not sure how much of her response is rooted in her love for me and how much may be the result of a lack of life experience. If I stay with her, am I being selfish? -- OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER DAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER DAD: Not having met you, I can't be sure. How are the genetics in your family? Did your parents live to a ripe old age without falling apart? How would you feel to be raising teenagers when you're in your 60s? Do you think you can keep up with them -- and her?

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love. I have heard of many devoted May-September marriages. But regardless of age, both parties should go into it with their eyes wide open -- and that includes the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old woman who has always wanted to live near the ocean. I recently had the good fortune to visit Australia and loved it so much I started looking for work while I was there. I have been feeling depressed since returning home knowing I have found someplace I would love to spend the rest of my life.

My problem is I am engaged, and my future husband doesn't share my enthusiasm for the ocean. We live in Colorado, and he loves the mountains. He never traveled as a boy and has no idea how addicting it can be.

I love him, and he fulfills all I could hope for in a husband. But I don't know if he can share the same love for a place that I can't get out of my mind. Is this relationship doomed? -- WANDERLUST IN LITTLETON

DEAR WANDERLUST: Only you can answer that. You are 20 and define yourself as someone who has wanderlust. Before you commit to marriage to someone who may not share your spirit of adventure, you owe it to yourself and to him to see more of the world and get it out of your system. Remember the movie "The Wizard of Oz"? It took seeing the Emerald City to truly appreciate Kansas.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker I'll call "Linda" who is constantly on the phone making personal calls. She is chronically late to work and never gets her work caught up. My problem is she just told me she has listed me as a reference on dozens of job applications!

I take pride in being honest, so how do I come up with positive things to say about her if any potential employers call? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE, CHILLICOTHE, OHIO

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Linda should have asked you for permission before listing you as a reference. Tell her she must stop doing it immediately.

Should anyone call you to ask about her, tell the person that you are her co-worker and the dates that you worked together, but nothing more. If they want more details, they should be referred to the office manager.

DEAR READERS: After the letter from "Frantic Mom in Philadelphia" (Jan. 30) was published, several physicians wrote to express concern that I was suggesting that doctors violate the HIPAA laws by talking to families without consent. This is not what I was suggesting. The goal of HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) is to protect patient information and standardize the transmission of patient health information between health organizations.

The Health and Human Services Office for Civil Rights Web site (www.hhs.gov/ocr/hipaa) offers a variety of resources to help people understand HIPAA. The rules are complex and -- like any rules -- can have unintended consequences. They were NOT meant to discourage doctor-family communication, but only to give patients some control over their medical information.

Doctors are well within their rights to encourage patients to give consent for sharing information with family members, and they need to explain why it's important. Collaboration is needed when families are deeply involved in their loved ones' care. Research has shown that when family members are involved, patients with serious mental illness stay better longer and have fewer relapses. The patient and therapist TOGETHER can specify what information can and cannot be shared.

Parents like "Frantic Mom in Philadelphia" become more anxious and depressed when they have no information on how to help their children, which creates additional family stress.

Parents who are financially supporting a child over the age of 21 may decide the conditions under which they will continue their support and pay for treatment. They may decide that one of those conditions is that they have some basic information from the patient and therapist about how they can help. I am NOT suggesting that the family should get access to their son's full records, but only that they should be given basic information on how to help and what to expect.

If an adult child objects to doctor-family communication, many families wrote to let me know that NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, offers a wealth of information and support for families and friends of people coping with the challenges of mental illness. NAMI's Web site is www.nami.org, and its toll-free helpline is (800) 950-6264.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past few years I have noticed a trend in the recorded phone messages of businesses I deal with over the course of a day. It is the use of the phrase, "We'll get back to you at our earliest convenience."

Abby, is it just me, or does that phrase imply that it's about their convenience and not their customers'? There was a time when the sentiment was, "We'll help you as soon as possible." Am I being too literal here? -- BOB IN COSTA MESA, CALIF.

DEAR BOB: Many businesses rely on automated phone answering systems as a cost-saver because it means they don't have to hire someone to do it. It also allows the business owners to budget their time as they wish -- regardless of the "needs" of the caller.

The fact that this offends you enough that you have written to me indicates that you are old enough to remember when customer service came first. Younger people may not be as sensitive to it as you are. But I agree with you that given a choice I, too, would prefer to deal with a human being.

There ain't nothin' like that personal touch. (Beep!)