DEAR ABBY: I have started a promising career I thoroughly enjoy. But my husband, "Derrick," has been laid off from his job due to the economy.

I love Derrick with all my heart. I hate to see him hurting. I keep reminding him that he's still a wonderful person and a great worker. I tell him God is watching over us and will help him; it seems to be doing no good. Losing his job appears to have damaged his self-esteem as a man and, with it, our ability to connect. My husband is distant all the time.

I desperately want to help, but I'm getting scared, too. I realize it is my turn to be strong for us now. Any words of advice? -- PRAYING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PRAYING: Love him, support him and encourage him. Remind him that losing his job wasn't his fault, and all he has to do is look at the news to know that he is far from alone.

Your husband will need to network to find out what jobs are out there for people with his skills. If that doesn't pan out, he may need to explore retraining for a career other than the one he had planned. Believe me, you both have my sympathy.

There will be an end to this recession eventually, and it's important that you not lose sight of that fact. It is also important that your husband not isolate himself. The more people he is in touch with, the better his chances for hearing about an opportunity.

DEAR ABBY: I just returned home from a doctor's follow-up appointment with a specialist (not my regular doctor). My appointment was for 1:15. I was finally seen at 2:30. Can you guess how long I was with him? The visit lasted a grand total of seven minutes. It's a good thing he didn't take my blood pressure because it would have been through the roof.

I understand there can be unforeseen issues with patients, but shouldn't the front desk staff inform the patient when he or she walks in about a delay? And how long is appropriate for a doctor to keep a patient waiting? Is it appropriate for a patient to demand to be seen? Can you issue an ultimatum such as, "I need to leave in 10 minutes"? -- SICK OF WAITING IN DENVER

DEAR SICK OF WAITING: When you arrived for your appointment, you should have asked the receptionist if the doctor was running late, and if so, approximately how far behind he was. That way, you could have stepped out for a cup of coffee if you wished.

In my opinion, if a doctor is running more than 15 to 20 minutes late, the next patient should be warned. However, making demands or issuing ultimatums is not appropriate. A more effective way to deal with it would be to call the doctor's office an hour ahead of time to see if he's on schedule.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently attended a spaghetti dinner. Is there a proper way to eat long noodles, or should one just put in a forkful and slurp up the noodles until they are gone? -- USING MY NOODLE IN DULUTH

DEAR USING YOUR NOODLE: Spaghetti can be a challenge, but consuming it by starting at one end of the noodle and sucking it into one's mouth is a distinct no-no because the sound can disrupt conversation. There are, however, exceptions to this in other cultures -- where noodles represent longevity and to cut them would be bad luck.

According to Emily Post, the proper way to eat spaghetti in our culture is "to hold the fork in one hand and a large spoon in the other. Take a few strands of pasta on the fork and place the tines against the bowl of the spoon, twirling the fork to neatly wrap the strands.

"For those who haven't mastered the art of twirling the pasta strands, there's the simple cutting method. Just be sure not to cut the whole plateful at one time; instead use your knife and fork to cut small portions."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently watched a comedy that featured men cross-dressing. Ever since, I have had a burning desire to have my husband wear sexy lingerie and makeup.

There is nothing effeminate about him, but I can't get this out of my head. I bought him a lacy bra and panty set, garter belt and stockings, but I haven't had the nerve to ask him to wear them. Am I crazy? Should I try to forget this? -- BURNING DESIRE IN NAHANT, MASS.

DEAR BURNING: Human sexuality is complicated. There are many women who help their husbands cross-dress, however it is my understanding that the initiator is usually the man. I don't think you are crazy, nor do I think you should "forget" something that you describe as a "burning desire." What I do think you should do is have a frank discussion with your husband and find out how open-minded he is on the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "John" for the past seven years. I live down south, while John lives up north. John is 76 and does not plan to retire, even though he doesn't have to work. I am 65 and need to work.

Is it possible for this long-distance relationship to survive? Part of me wishes we would end it so we could start over with someone who lives in the same city. I'm tired of living this way, but cannot seem to make the break. What should I do? -- SOUTHERN BELLE

DEAR SOUTHERN BELLE: If you are torn between your head and your heart, please listen to the part of you that thinks. Because this has been going on for seven years, it's clear that the status quo is enough for John. Because you need more than that, explain it to him, and if the two of you can't figure out a workable solution, it's time for you to find someone who can fulfill your needs.

DEAR ABBY: Our family, consisting of our three children, their spouses, our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, have occasional gatherings to celebrate special events. My husband's 90th birthday is this summer, and the immediate family will come here, some from faraway locations.

My daughter-in-law, "Janie," who lives 2,000 miles away, has felt for years that her children from previous marriages (who do not know any of us) should be included at these events. They live within 100 miles of our home and could attend if invited. Our relationship with Janie has been generally cordial and affectionate. She will be visiting her children at their homes the week of the birthday. If we exclude her kids from our celebration, she will feel insulted and resentful.

How obligated should we feel to bow to Janie's demands and include four additional adults and a young child to our party? My husband becomes upset and confused by large groups and noisy children. -- CORNERED ON THE EASTERN SHORE

DEAR CORNERED: Your husband's comfort and sense of well-being must come first. If he becomes agitated by large groups and noisy children, you must explain to Janie that no "strangers" can be introduced into the mix and why. Do not allow anyone to lay a guilt trip on you for advocating for him. When Janie sees your husband, I am sure she will understand.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this for "Ashamed in California" (March 28), who feels tremendous guilt for "not loving" her hard-to-manage son. I'm a psychotherapist and the mother of two boys, one of whom is "difficult."

The reason "Ashamed" hasn't heard other moms admit to having negative feelings toward their child is they, too, feel shame. Like her, they have accepted the idea that mothers are supposed to be perfect and feel positive toward their children all the time, even if they're behaving badly.

In my clinical practice, ALL the mothers admit to not liking their kids at times. Advising "Ashamed" to have her son evaluated for a possible disorder was good advice. But if she does and there is no diagnosis, her son could simply be a headstrong child. (They usually grow up to be likable, responsible adults, by the way.)

Her misery can be alleviated by understanding that she's not a bad parent for having totally normal feelings. Love for a child is constant. LIKING can vary from minute to minute, depending on how the child is acting. -- PSYCHOTHERAPIST IN S.C.

DEAR PSYCHOTHERAPIST: Thank you for sharing your insight. Many readers were eager to share their personal experiences of dealing with a difficult child and the range of emotions that goes along with it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I felt the same way! I loved my oldest son, but I wasn't "in love" with him as I was the other two. He was spinning out of control, constantly whining, aggressive toward his siblings, and unpleasant to be around even on a good day.

Eventually we discovered he has celiac disease (intolerance to gluten, causing a host of physical and behavior problems due to malnutrition). Once the fog cleared, we were able to see the wonderful boy he really was. For the first time in three years, I now feel love for him instead of a sense of obligation. -- ENLIGHTENED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: I tried many things to change my attitude toward my difficult child. As a last resort two months ago, we went to his pediatrician. After completing a physical and some paperwork, he diagnosed my son with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) as well as ADHD. He is now taking medication, and we have begun family counseling. My shame and anger dissolved as I began to understand the reasons behind his behavior and learn specific ways to deal with it. -- UNDERSTANDS HER PAIN IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The best advice I ever received for coping with my contrary daughter was from a neighbor who had a surly girl of her own. She made a conscientious effort to be more demonstrative to her daughter, hug her more and hold on a little tighter to show her how valued she was.

I tried it with my daughter, going out of my way several times a day to express my love for her. It was awkward at first, but I persevered. I committed myself to loving that unlovable being, but slowly and surely it paid off. At first, she would lean away, but eventually she would ask me to hold on "just one more minute."

I also had to let go of the fantasy of who my child would be -- someone who would enjoy the things I enjoyed with my mom. We weren't going to cook together, visit museums or learn to sew. I had to meet her where she was. It was the challenge of my life.

My daughter is 24 now and on her own. Her life is not what I would have hoped or expected, but that's OK. We share a real and loving relationship, talk every day and I know I'm her touchstone for love and acceptance. I can't imagine my life without her. -- ANOTHER MOM IN CALIFORNIA