DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Barbie" for about six months. She's everything I ever wanted in a mate. We have a similar sense of humor, and our goals and ambitions are almost identical. Our values match, too -- except for one: My sense of propriety seems to be a stumbling block.

Abby, Barbie wears sheer tops and no bra. She doesn't usually wear any undergarments, either, even when she's in a fairly short skirt.

I grew up Southern Baptist, raised around women who feel that kind of attire is unacceptable and trashy. While the female body is, to me, one of the most beautiful things on Earth, I was brought up to believe that leaving something to the imagination is more desirable than showing everything. Barbie says I've got hang-ups, and I don't necessarily disagree. How can I deal with this? -- TRYING TO LOOSEN UP IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TRYING: While you didn't mention it specifically, it appears you live far from your family and no longer attend church regularly -- because you do not seem to be taking into account what kind of impression Barbie is going to make when she is exposed to them.

Barbie may be a lovely woman, but she needs to understand that there are other ways to attract attention than the way she's going about it, and if you are seriously considering a future with her, you will try harder to get that message across. If she cares about you, she will compromise. That's how you "deal with it."

DEAR ABBY: Millions of baby boomers are caring for, or offering moral support to, parents or other seniors. It is sometimes hard to find the time and motivation to go and visit, and challenging to hold conversations.

May I offer a suggestion to them? This is what I did for my sweet father-in-law when he was in his late 80s and newly widowed. Rather than visit him at his home, I would pick him up and take him for rides. I made it a "sentimental journey," driving him around to his former homes, places of employment, schools the kids attended, churches where marriages were held.

He loved it. It not only gave him a chance to see old landmarks, but also how things were changing in the towns. It led to some wonderful discussions. I know for sure that long-term memories outlive short-term ones. -- JERI IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR JERI: Your suggestion is an excellent one, and you are sweet to share it with my readers. Your statement about long-term memory is true -- and another effective way to stimulate it is through music. A gift older relatives might enjoy would be discs or tapes of popular music from the '40s and '50s. That, too, should lead to some interesting topics of conversation.

DEAR ABBY: When inviting someone to a famous restaurant for a birthday celebration, is it appropriate to mention its dress code? One family member took it as an insult and that I was implying she doesn't know how to dress appropriately. (She always looks lovely when she goes out.) Because of it, she refused to attend the party, and it has caused an uncomfortable rift in the family. -- NO OFFENSE INTENDED IN MISSOURI

DEAR NO OFFENSE INTENDED: Sometimes it isn't what you say, but the way it is phrased that can offend someone. From my perspective, warning a guest in advance that a restaurant has a strict dress code is doing the person a favor. While few establishments have one anymore, this could prevent confusion or embarrassment when the group arrives.

However, because your relative felt insulted, in the interest of family harmony, extend an apology. If she doesn't accept it, the problem then becomes hers.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Frustrated Shopper in Idaho" (April 5) made me very upset. I am a cashier in a local grocery store. I understand a shopper's frustration when she/he gets in the express lane only to find someone with a full cart up ahead. But we cashiers are between a rock and a hard place. If we ask a customer to please go to another lane, the customer will get upset, tell us we're rude and complain to the manager. If we say nothing to avoid upsetting that one customer, then the others waiting in line get angry.

Customers need to be respectful and not assume they're entitled to bring their fully loaded cart into the express lane. It's not the cashier's fault, and we do not need "more training"! -- CHRISTY IN OHIO

DEAR CHRISTY: Mea culpa. I heard from a slew of angry cashiers across the country echoing similar sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a checker, and I'm frequently assigned to the express lane. I was trained very well and usually politely tell customers that it is a "10 items or less" line. However, it is beyond my control when the managers push them down my line to get them out of the store sooner, or when a manager tells me he/she is sending someone down with "a few extra things" without asking for my input. It is neither the customer's fault nor mine. I try to enforce this rule, but not all customers are polite or willing to listen. -- ANNOYED CHECKER

DEAR ABBY: A simple and effective solution to this problem would be to program the express lanes to accept no more than the posted limit for that lane, e.g., 10 items. If businesses can program their systems to accommodate senior discounts, bag rebates, double coupons, buy-one-get-one, etc., surely they can program an express lane limit. -- VIRGINIA SHOPPER

DEAR ABBY: I was a manager for 24 years at a national supermarket chain, and I can answer "Frustrated Shopper." A cashier would not be fired for enforcing the rules, but because of a higher number of customer complaints. Supermarkets want friendly cashiers. It's not the cashier's job to enforce rules; that's the manager's job.

To risk losing customers by embarrassing them is not something most managers are willing to do. Think about it: Who's spending more -- the person with a few items or someone with a full cart? -- FORMER MANAGER IN ORLANDO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a checker for a national grocery chain, and I'll share with you a checker's "wish list" for grocery shoppers:

1. If you're shopping with a friend and have more than one order in the cart, please use the regular checkout line. While each order may be less than 15 items, two 10-item orders take more time than one large order, so please be considerate of others. They're in a hurry, too.

2. If you're buying liquor, have your ID, wallet, debit card, cash, etc. on your person, not out in your car.

3. If you have special bagging needs, please use the regular lines. The express lane is not the place for this type of special handling.

4. While you're at the register, please stay off your cell phone. Checkers are people, too, and we may have questions and need your attention. Distracted customers slow us down.

In other words, treat the express lane (and the checker) the way you would like to be treated if you were in a hurry and the person who is standing behind you in line. -- FRUSTRATED CHECKER IN THE USA

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Beau," and I moved in together and already we have trust issues. He doesn't trust me around his computer. He said he has things on it that are part of his past, and it's none of my business.

One of the things he doesn't want me to see is "The List." He keeps a list of all the girls he has slept with -- including one-night stands. I have asked Beau how many there have been, but he doesn't want to tell me "because it will hurt me." He has revealed that it's a number between 10 and 50.

I have asked him to delete the list, but he said that if he gets a weird disease in the future, he can always refer back to it. I have nightmares about this.

Should I drop the matter? -- UNLISTED NUMBER IN TEXAS

DEAR UNLISTED: No, honey. You should drop him. If Beau was simply afraid you would see how many women he has slept with and was trying to protect your feelings, he would print out the list and stash it in a safety deposit box. What he's afraid of is that you'll see the list is GROWING.

I don't blame you for having nightmares. A man who is seriously worried that he'll get a weird disease in the future is exposing himself and YOU to them now. So pack your bags, get out of there and schedule an appointment with your gynecologist ASAP.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Carole," has been dealing with breast cancer for almost a year. Although my family and I live three hours away and are struggling with problems of our own, we have always been supportive of her.

Last week, Carole called to tell me she'll be going to Australia at the end of the year -- a "reward" from her husband for everything she has been through. I was happy for her until she informed me that I would be taking care of her kids for two weeks while she's on vacation.

I joked, "It doesn't sound like you're giving me any choice in this." She replied: "No, I'm not. I went through cancer. I deserve this trip."

I reminded Carole that when I watched her kids just two months ago, things didn't go well. They are completely different from my children, and they don't like each other. Her 5-year-old daughter cried all night, every night while she was here. Her son destroys everything he comes into contact with -- we still have a hole in the bedroom wall -- and has a vocabulary I don't want my kids exposed to.

Do I have a right to just say "no" and offer my best wishes in finding a sitter? I feel guilty, but I don't feel she's entitled to demand this from me. Am I being a bad sister? -- NEEDS RESOLUTION IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR NEEDS RESOLUTION: Your reasons for declining your sister's edict seem perfectly reasonable to me. You took care of your niece and nephew before -- it didn't work out. You are perfectly within your rights to be firm with Carole and let her know she's going to have to make other arrangements for her little ones while she's on holiday. A perfect solution would be for them to be looked after by either set of grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: Does anyone know what the protocol is for providing food for house sitters? Should they bring their own, or should it be provided for them? -- NOT CERTAIN IN ALBANY, ORE.

DEAR NOT CERTAIN: I think the answer depends upon who is doing the sitting and for how long a period of time. However, if you're wise, you will make sure to have a clearly stated agreement in advance so there are no misunderstandings.