DEAR ABBY: My mother lives on Social Security and has very little savings left since Dad died last year. I manage her affairs, and I'm trying to encourage her to save some of her money for emergencies.

The problem is my 38-year-old brother, "Jeff." He will not keep a job, and he's burning through the little bit of savings she has. It has reached the point that Mom is now hiding food in her own house so she'll have something to eat.

Jeff recently brought a woman to stay with him. Because he can't pay the rent and utility bills on his trailer, he now spends a lot of time at Mom's house. He has ruined the car he was given when Dad died and now drives Mom's car.

I want to put the deadbeat on the road, but Mom feels she needs to help him. Jeff has made three or four suicide attempts, but I think it's just to get pity and mooch some more. How can I get her to see that he's not trying to help himself and he's just using her? She knows my feelings but doesn't want me to say anything. -- WORRIED SON IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED SON: Hiding food in order to eat? An adult son spending his mother's savings? Your brother may have emotional problems, but he may also be guilty of elder abuse.

I urge you to discuss this matter with a social worker or someone with a background in psychology who can help your mother recognize that she's not helping Jeff by enabling him. Not only that, she's risking her own health and welfare. The nearest senior center or area agency on aging, listed in your local telephone directory under Senior Services, can put you in touch with someone. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: Last February you printed a letter I wrote signed "Sports Dad Down South" about how to handle my out-of-control son, "Trent," who was a star athlete in school. In May, you featured an entire column of letters you had received in response to mine. I thank you for that.

Just as an update, my son was expelled from his high school for behavioral issues and three failed classes. The scholarship offers he had received from several Division I universities were withdrawn.

As one mom wrote to you about her experience, the coaches pushed my son on to the next game, where he performed up to all expectations. But they forgot entirely that these kids are called "student athletes" for a reason. They are students first, athletes second. As a result of that insanity, Trent lost any chance of having a career in baseball.

A word to the wise to other parents of rising young stars: Be careful. Watch for the warning signs that you are losing control to the sports mania. I didn't recognize them and respond in time. There is no going back. Abby, if my voice can prevent another family from falling into this high school madness, I will feel I did the right thing by writing. -- SPORTS DAD SPEAKS AGAIN

DEAR SPORTS DAD: I'm glad you wrote, and so -- I am sure -- will be the parents of high school athletes everywhere. Your son has learned a bitter life lesson. But better that he learned it early than if he had been similarly pushed through college with no skills to show for it.

What happened to your son doesn't have to be a tragedy. There is still time for Trent to get his GED, to mature emotionally and decide on a direction for his future. He will find more than one road to success once he decides which path to take.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who has been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, "Ian," for three years. I attend a university out of the country, so our relationship is mostly long-distance. We are in love and have discussed a future after I graduate. Ian says I'm the reason he has goals and wants to live a meaningful life.

Every now and then he says he's afraid that he is holding me back -- that because I'm so committed to him I am missing out on some of the most important experiences I could have at the university. I have told Ian I'm happy with what we have and wouldn't trade it. If I wasn't with him, I would probably see other men, but more sexual freedom wouldn't make me happier. All my single friends say they would rather have what I have.

Our relationship means far more to me than the odd fling would. Ian says he has no desire to be with other women, but he's afraid I don't know what I want because I haven't had experience with other men. How can I convince him that this is what I really want? -- DECISIVE IN SCOTLAND

DEAR DECISIVE: Tell your boyfriend that while some women may enjoy quantity, you have an eye for quality, and he is the grand prize you have waited for all your life. Then tell him you're a one-man woman, and he's stuck with you. (This should do the trick, unless he's projecting his own feelings of ambivalence onto you.)

DEAR ABBY: In May 2001, you printed my letter alerting former prisoners of war and their widows to the special veterans' benefits available to them from the Department of Veterans Affairs. The response was great; many former POWs and their dependents now have their VA benefits because of that column.

Now, as chairman of VA outreach for American Ex-Prisoners of War, I write to alert all veterans (not just former POWs) of a recent VA ruling.

On Sept. 23, 2008, Lou Gehrig's disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, was made a presumptive condition for all veterans who served in our armed forces for at least 90 days.

This means that the widows of those veterans who died of Lou Gehrig's disease in years past are eligible for the VA widows' monthly benefit, which is very substantial. Many people are not aware that a veteran's death due to this disease is now considered service-connected. One claim I handled recently involved an ALS death 46 years ago, in 1963.

Thank you for your help in getting the word out, Abby. -- FRED CAMPBELL, AMERICAN EX-PRISONERS OF WAR

DEAR FRED: I'm pleased to help you and America's veterans once again. Readers, Fred welcomes inquiries at 3312 Chatterton Drive, San Angelo, TX 76904. He can also be e-mailed at fredrev@webtv.net.

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old. My mom told me our neighbor's dog was old and sick, so he had to put his dog to sleep. I hate this. I know it is what is best for the dog, but I can't stop thinking about it. How can I get over this? -- HENRY IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR HENRY: Your neighbor's dog was put on this earth to run and play and enjoy his doggie life. When an animal is no longer able to do that and spends his days and nights in pain, then the kind -- but very difficult -- thing for a pet guardian to do is to let him go. Being put to sleep was a gentle way to go, and when you think about your neighbor's dog, you should remind yourself of that.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have recently started seeing a wonderful man who is divorced. It doesn't bother me. I know we all make mistakes. My friends are telling me I need to find out why his marriage ended, because it might signal potential problems to watch out for. I understand their logic.

The problem is, I don't want to appear nosy and, of course, I would be hearing only one side of the story. So should I ask him or not -- and if so, when and how? -- INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW

DEAR INQUIRING: I see no harm in asking now. The perfect time to have done it was when he told you he was divorced. You don't have to be heavy-handed about it. Treat him to -- or cook him -- a nice dinner and afterward say, "So tell me how come a gorgeous, intelligent man like you is divorced. Your ex must have been out of her mind to let you go." Then shut up and listen.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter's landlady -- I'll call her Martha -- has become very close to our family. Martha and her husband are included in most of our family's social events.

My problem is Martha is allergic to garlic and cannot eat anything cooked with it.

Abby, we are Italian. We grew up eating garlic and cook just about everything with it. My husband and I are locking horns over the fact that I feel it's an imposition to be expected to accommodate one person by omitting a key ingredient in a dish. When you're cooking for a lot of people who are accustomed to the way certain foods are prepared, I feel it is inconsiderate for someone to expect me to leave an ingredient out. What do you think? -- MAMA "MIA" IN N.Y.

DEAR MAMA "MIA": I think you should prepare a garlic-free extra dish for Martha -- something not too difficult to make, like a salad -- or invite Martha over less often.

DEAR ABBY: How does a person find direction? Career counselors have told me that I need "direction," but they never tell me how to go about getting it.

I'm in my late 20s with two degrees and no specific job skills. I have had a few crummy jobs. I'm not afraid of hard work, but I don't know what sort of job I should be seeking.

I spent 10 years trying the touchy-feely "just follow your dreams" approach. Well, my dreams are to be financially independent and have a meaningful personal and intellectual life!

Is there another approach? How do I find a job that fits me? Perfect would be great, but at this point, I'm just shooting for good enough. -- UNDIRECTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDIRECTED: The career counselors you consulted should have given you enough direction that it stimulated your thinking about ways to apply the knowledge you have worked so hard to earn. With their help you should have been able to identify some area of the profession you prepared for that would enable you to be financially independent. Because that didn't happen, I recommend you look further for career counseling because it appears the ones you consulted did a poor job.