DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old sister, "Cheryl," left home abruptly a week ago. She suddenly stopped taking all her medications, shut off her cell phone and left town with her underage boyfriend. She is a delightful person who also happens to be diabetic, asthmatic and bipolar. Mom received one phone call (from a landline) mentioning that she "might" be heading toward the East Coast.

I consider my sister dangerous to herself and others because she has a history of reckless violence when she's off her meds. My question is, how can you find someone who doesn't want to be found when they NEED to be found? -- HEARTBROKEN SISTER IN INDIANA

DEAR SISTER: If you think YOU are worried, what about the parents of the underage boy? Your next step should be to contact them and also your mother, so that all of you can notify the police and report them missing. And when you do, be sure to inform them that your sister has several conditions that require medications, that she's off all of them and could be a danger to herself and the young man. Then cross your fingers.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently met a woman I really connect with, but I have a problem with settling down. I have always had difficulty restricting myself to one person when I'm seriously dating. I want to change so my lifestyle won't come back and bite me in the butt -- but I'm not sure what to do.

What I'm asking is, what do you suggest for someone like me to get comfortable with the idea of settling down so that I won't be destined for failure? -- UNSURE IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR UNSURE: Slow down. You may have been dating the wrong women. When two people are truly compatible, there is less temptation to look for other company. Take things slowly and get to know the lady you're currently dating. If she qualifies in all the areas you think are important and you still find yourself looking around for something in addition, then you may have a problem and should talk to a therapist because no one woman can ever completely satisfy a man who craves variety.

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is in bad health, recently announced that he would like to be cremated and buried at the foot of my mother's grave. My birth mother died 28 years ago when I was 2, after they had been married only three years.

Dad married my stepmother when I was 8. I feel he should be buried with the wife he's been with for 22 years. She is the one who has seen him through the worst times in his life, his heart attack and stroke. My stepmother seems to have no negative feelings about it.

Am I wrong for thinking that a husband and wife should lie side-by-side when their time comes -- with a single headstone with their names and dates of birth/death/marriage? Or is there some tradition I don't know about that he should be buried with his first wife? -- ENQUIRING IN CLARKSTON, WASH.

DEAR ENQUIRING: Your stepmother is realistic and unsentimental. She knows your father was married before, and they may have discussed this between the two of them. Perhaps she feels that because your father prefers to be interred with your mother, that's where he belongs. Your stepmother had him during the most important years -- while he was living and breathing. And who knows? She may marry again, so think positively.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago, I went on a fishing trip with my father-in-law. It was great. I caught the biggest fish of my life. I kept it so I could have it mounted when I returned home.

When we arrived back at my in-laws', my father-in-law took the fish out of the cooler and claimed he had caught it. At first, I thought he was joking, but now he's planning on having the fish mounted!

I didn't want to make him look bad in front of his daughter and his wife, but I am furious. My wife thinks I'm overreacting, but this really is the big one that got away. Should I confront him and call his bluff? -- SOMETHING'S FISHY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SOMETHING'S FISHY: If you were going to confront your father-in-law, you should have done so as soon as he took credit for catching your fish. Instead of being "furious," be grateful that you now have a clear insight into the man's character. That he would lie about something like this calls into question anything that has ever -- or will ever -- come out of his mouth.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old nephew was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. He has made amazing progress with therapy and has advanced so he is practically functioning at his age level.

Our entire family has teamed up and joined a charity that raises money for autism. We have devoted our time and energy to this important cause. My sister (my nephew's mother) refuses to get involved! She says she is "too busy."

We all work and have other activities, yet we still make time to devote to this cause. She doesn't work and has no other responsibilities outside her family that prohibit her from participating. She says raising money isn't something she likes to do.

I don't have much time for it either, but our family MAKES the time because this cause is important to us. It makes me furious that she won't help raise money for her own child's disorder. How can I talk to her about this without seeming confrontational? -- RAISING MONEY IN FLORIDA

DEAR RAISING MONEY: I urge you to refrain from doing so. For heaven's sake, your sister is the mother of a child who is working hard to overcome a disorder. She has a full-time job -- one that lasts 24 hours a day, seven days a week. She is not malingering, so stop judging her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman. Fifteen years ago, I was married to another man I'll call "Mario." Mario and I divorced after four years and ended it as friends.

Mario and I have both been in the restaurant business separately as well as together. Mario called me two days ago and asked me if he could hire me for his newest venture because he knows what a good manager I am. When I mentioned it to my present husband, he was adamantly against it.

Do you see anything wrong with my working with my ex? -- "CYNDIE" IN SOUTH FLORIDA

DEAR "CYNDIE": I don't -- but obviously your present husband does, because he's threatened by the idea. It appears you have an important decision to make. Which is more important to you -- the job, or keeping peace in your marriage?

DEAR ABBY: I know you're not a beauty consultant, but I'm hoping you can help me. I'm a middle-aged woman with a small income and aging skin. What can a woman who cannot afford cosmetic procedures do about this inevitable problem? My medical insurance will not cover Botox or surgery.

A number of celebrities endorse "anti-aging" products on television. The over-the-counter ones I have tried have not helped. Any suggestions? -- FAITHFUL READER, UTICA, N.Y.

DEAR READER: I'll share some advice my mother -- who still has beautiful skin at 91 -- shared with me after she noticed the faces of her golfing and sun-worshipping friends were beginning to look like leather: Shun the sun. Dermatologists have also mentioned that nothing ages skin like exposure to sunlight -- unless it's smoking. So when you're outside, "preserve your assets" by always wearing sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat, even if it's overcast.

Also, because a celebrity has her name on a product is no guarantee that it will work. The best beauty secret I know is a good dermatologist. So save your pennies until you have enough to consult one. Dermatologists offer products that are not sold in stores, and can help you select something that will work for you.

DEAR ABBY: At what age should a child be taught to write thank-you notes for gifts?

I had my children writing thank-you notes as soon as they could write. My sister-in-law still writes thank-you notes or e-mails for her 22-year-old son. Shouldn't he be doing that for himself at this point? -- QUESTIONING AUNTY IN CRANFORD, N.J.

DEAR QUESTIONING: Absolutely. Your nephew should have been taught the art of writing thank-you notes at the same age that your children were. Your sister-in-law has done her son no favors by allowing him to depend on her to do it for him because I'm sure you are not the only person to receive one from her and find it peculiar.

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather left me money from his life insurance policy, but left none to my sister. The money could help me get our family out of debt, purchase a house and pay for my son's education.

My sister has repeatedly made poor choices and expected others to clean up after her. Word got out that I received the inheritance, and I was told I should give her some. I know in the back of my mind that she'll do something stupid with it.

Grandpa left me the money -- not my sister. Why do I feel so guilty about deciding not to give my sister the money? -- MONEY BLUES IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MONEY BLUES: Close your eyes and clear your mind. Ask yourself that question and then speak the first words that pop into your head without censoring and you'll have your answer.

Who told you you should give your sister some of the money? Your sister? Your mother? Please remember that your grandfather left the money to you -- and only you -- for a reason. And it may have been that he had already cleaned up a mess or two for your sister in the past.