DEAR ABBY: I have an embarrassing dilemma. I have a baby with a man I am no longer with. Our romance ended before I knew I was pregnant. He is not in our lives anymore -- his decision. I have moved on and am now in a solid, loving relationship.

My problem is my OB/GYN has always been under the impression that my child's biological father and I are together and that we're married. The father attended some of the obstetrical appointments with me and was even there for the birth.

When my doctor initially referred to him as "my husband," I didn't correct him because I didn't feel I needed to spill the beans about such a personal issue. But now when I go for my annual examinations, he always asks me how "my husband" is. I feel it's too late to say, "Oh, by the way, he was never my husband" since I didn't correct him to begin with.

I need a graceful way to finally tell my doctor that we were never married, especially since I am now involved with a different man whom I plan on marrying and will eventually have another child with. Please help me find the words. -- STUCK -- DOWN SOUTH

DEAR STUCK: Here are the words. The next time your doctor asks how your "husband" is, say: "We're no longer together." Period. No further explanation is necessary, and don't offer one.

DEAR ABBY: We are hoping you can settle a small dispute. My husband and I have a soon-to-be 2-year-old. Her birthday is next month, and we will be celebrating at a local park with lots of kids from work and day care.

Is it OK to offer beer and wine to the parents? The park officials have no issue with it. There is an alcohol permit to sign, which includes no hard liquor and no drinks to be taken off premises. We will abide by park rules. We just want to know -- is it OK to have alcohol at a child's birthday party? We will wait to see what you have to say. -- PARTY PLANNER IN COLORADO

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: I see nothing positive to be gained by a group of parents drinking alcohol at a children's party. Alcohol dulls the senses, and besides, the purpose of the party is to see that the children have a good time. Rather than drinking and socializing, the parents should be concentrating on the kids, making sure they are entertained and closely supervised -- particularly in an outdoor setting that may not be familiar to everyone.

DEAR ABBY: Is it now acceptable to clip one's fingernails in the workplace?

I work in an office with cubicles, and I hear some of my co-workers (mainly men) clipping their nails! Isn't this a task that should be performed in one's bathroom at home? Am I the only person who thinks this is gross? -- GROSSED OUT IN RICHMOND, TEXAS

DEAR GROSSED OUT: You are not the only person who finds it gross; I think it's "icky," too. And you are correct that personal grooming should be performed at home, before or after work. Because it bothers you, mention it to the office manager, explain how it makes you feel, and suggest that a company memo be sent out discouraging the practice.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a casual reader of your column and saw the June 15 letter from "Lucky Wife of a Hero." What a refreshing piece it was to read. I know many people write to you with hardships in their lives, but that letter was one of the most uplifting I have read in a long time. It literally made my day.

While "Lucky Wife's" husband's help to her may seem surprisingly simple, it's great to hear about people doing the little things for those they love, and being appreciated in return. Thank you for publishing it. -- U.S. MARINE IN JAPAN

DEAR U.S. MARINE: And thank you for writing. In my response to "Lucky Wife" I asked readers to share their stories of people they have encountered who -- like the husband in that letter -- are "everyday heroes." Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My life has been touched by several heroes. I became pregnant during my senior year in high school. Because marriage wasn't an option, I placed my son for adoption. In college, I met my husband, and we have raised three children together.

After 35 years my son, Paul, contacted me. The first hero who stepped up was my husband. Without hesitation, he welcomed Paul into our family.

My next hero was Paul's wife, who offered to share her husband during the holidays. Paul flew from Minnesota to California on Christmas Day to meet me and my family. It was an incredible experience.

It was then that I learned about the two heroes who had taken Paul into their home and their hearts all those years ago and raised him as their own. Paul's adoptive family encouraged him to find us, learn about his birth heritage, and have celebrated every moment of our reunion.

But the greatest hero in my story is Paul. Inspired by the sacrifices of the young men and women who serve our country, he felt compelled to join the Army National Guard and today is serving in Iraq.

Soon my family will travel to Minnesota to meet Paul's adoptive parents and siblings, his wife and his children. My heroes have joined together to enrich my life, and I can't begin to thank each and every one of them. -- SHERI IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I haven't seen my "everyday hero" since I was 12, but the way she treated me has made a huge difference in my life.

Annie was a middle-aged woman working for an aeronautics company who gave me my first job when I was 10. She taught me to plant seeds and keep the garden weeded, to stack wood, paint and mow. I felt proud being able to earn my own money. Even more important, Annie gave me a safe place to go, an adult I could talk to and the conviction that if you work hard enough you'll be rewarded.

I'm almost 30 now, but I have never forgotten that wonderful woman and what she did for me, and I never will. -- ANDI IN TACOMA

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter Mindy was in high school she dated Rob, a young man who adored her. While she dated others, he waited patiently until she returned to him. They married after college and had three children.

Mindy destroyed the marriage, and I told her at the time that she had rocks for brains. Their divorce was amicable. Rob attended all holiday and birthday gatherings. Neither one remarried.

My daughter was "Miss Independent." She excelled at her job and didn't need anyone because she could do it all herself. More than 10 years passed.

Then, on vacation, Mindy was in a terrible accident that left her a quadriplegic. Suddenly she had to depend on someone else for everything, and Rob was right there. His attitude was, "She FINALLY needs me."

For five years, he has assumed complete care for Mindy in addition to holding down a full-time job. She has greatly improved, can drive a specially equipped van and is back at her job. My daughter would be lost without the man who loves her, and she knows it. I thank God for him every day of my life. -- GRATEFUL MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old woman, and I feel as though my life is over. I lost my job more than a year ago and haven't been able to find another one. I have no friends, and it has been 13 years since I dated.

I live day to day, only for my mom and my dog -- both of whom I love tremendously. I'm glad I can spend so much time with them each day, but I know I'm missing out on something more in my life.

I am well-educated, well-read and have traveled quite a bit, when my financial situation was better.

Abby, I feel like I'm 96, not 46! I am depressed and disheartened and don't know what to do. I can't afford counseling. I have thought about volunteering, but I don't want to work with kids and most volunteer jobs require that.

Please, can you suggest anything to help me out of this slump? I figure I have a good 20 to 30 years of living before me, and I just can't go on like this.

I have already accepted that I'll never find a mate, and I'm struggling with the thought that someday, Mom will no longer be here. I see no future for myself. Please tell me what to do. -- DOWN IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DOWN: It is premature to conclude that you will "never" find a job, a friend or a mate. Things seem hopeless right now because you are depressed.

In your letter you hit on a wonderful, positive idea -- your impulse to volunteer. Not all volunteer opportunities involve children. How about volunteering at a non-profit organization, an assisted-living facility for seniors, a VA center, an animal shelter, a program for people who are homeless, a food delivery program for shut-ins. Your local police department might also welcome some administrative help from a mature, organized adult.

I'm sure your time and talents would be deeply appreciated whatever you decide to do. Not only would volunteering be a rewarding way to fill your time, but it will help you to network.

P.S. Counseling is available on a sliding financial scale in most counties if you feel you need professional help.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Cooper," and I started dating last fall. His parents and I get along well, but there is one person in his life who doesn't want us to be together. That would be "Claire," a close family friend who is also known as Cooper's "second mom." Cooper dated Claire's daughter for a few months a couple of years ago.

Cooper is polite, smart and good looking. It's no wonder that Claire would rather he date her daughter. There have been many times that Claire has been rude to me, including saying to my face that she wishes Cooper would break up with me and start dating her daughter again.

I have spoken to Cooper about it. Apparently, Claire has tried to pressure him about it behind my back many times. Abby, do you think I should say something to this woman, or just let it be? -- BOTHERED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BOTHERED: I see nothing positive to be gained by taking the bait and getting into an unpleasant conversation with "Mama Claire." When she says something again (and she will), smile and say, "I know. You've already made that clear."

Claire's daughter is no threat to you, and if dating her was at all appealing to your boyfriend, he would still be doing it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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