DEAR ABBY: I would like to make the public aware of something that is the result of the poor economy.

When someone who is hurting financially is invited out to a restaurant, bar, movie, etc., and the person declines your invitation, please don't take it personally. He or she may be watching every penny. Every cent matters if it's needed for food, shelter, bills, etc. A person in this situation simply cannot afford to "splurge" on these kinds of activities.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I have been invited to participate in various social events, and I can't afford to go. This is not something that I want to broadcast either. Some of us may be keeping quiet about it.

Let's face it -- it's an awful situation to be in, but one we hope will not last forever. -- IN THAT BOAT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN THAT BOAT: I'm sorry you're experiencing tough sailing, and I hope you will be out of rough waters soon.

Folks, this person is giving you a timely heads-up. If someone suddenly starts declining social invitations, it does not necessarily indicate that he or she has become antisocial. It may mean the person is financially unable to do so.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Fred," sees absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that he did not take a day off from work to attend my 94-year-old mother's funeral. He stopped by the ceremony for the graveside service, then left immediately and returned to work.

Fred is an independent traveling salesman who never works more than half a day, so it wasn't like he needed to hurry back to an office or place of business. He didn't even have enough love or respect for me or my mother's family to spend the day with us.

Do you agree with me this was unkind? Fred thinks I'm the one who is being unreasonable. -- WOUNDED WIFE IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR WOUNDED: Of course his behavior was unkind. It was also insensitive. Regardless of your mother's age, losing a parent is painful and his place was by your side offering emotional support.

It appears you married someone who is usually centered on his own needs, and I'm willing to bet this incident isn't the only example. Please accept my sympathy on two counts: First for the loss of your mother, and second, for marrying someone who would be willfully absent when you needed him the most. Whatta guy.

DEAR ABBY: Cooking is my hobby. I enjoy hosting luncheons for my friends. I choose healthy, fresh ingredients, plan creative menus and presentation is important to me. However, it seems that someone at the table always pipes up with, "I don't eat THAT!"

I think it is rude and guests should just place an unwanted item on the side of their plate. Am I right? I don't know how to respond to people who do that. -- ANNOYED HOSTESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANNOYED: Here's how. Smile and say, "If you don't like that, don't eat it!" Then pass the relish tray and say, "Would you like some crudites? Nuts?"

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Libby," is about to be married. It's her third trip to the altar, and her stepfather and I are not in favor of the marriage. After her first marriage -- to a wonderful man -- she had an affair with a married man who became husband No. 2. Within five years, she began another affair with a married neighbor. They are both now divorced and plan to be married later this year in a big church wedding.

My husband and I do not want to attend, but Libby has threatened to prevent us from seeing the grandkids if we don't accept husband No. 3 into our family.

How should we handle this? Should we go to the wedding even though we're adamantly opposed to it? It's obvious to us that our daughter needs professional help, which she seeks only when she begins a new affair. But we can't seem to impress upon her the importance of taking some time off before remarrying for the wrong reasons. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE -- AGAIN

DEAR M.O.B.: If only for the sake of your grandchildren, you should attend the wedding and make No. 3 as welcome as you can for as long as he lasts -- which, with your daughter's track record, isn't likely to be long.

She appears to be emotionally unstable. The children need a constant in their lives, so put aside your disapproval and provide them with as much emotional support as you can. You can't "fix" your daughter -- only she can do that -- but you can be there for the grandkids, and that's what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15, and I have been helping my older sister watch her two kids since her boyfriend left her five months ago. She has been paying me $20 a week to watch them six hours a day while she works. I was fine with this arrangement until recently, when she began relying on me completely for baby-sitting. Now she expects me to watch them every time she goes shopping or out with her current boyfriend.

She has begun spending the night at his house and not calling to let me know I need to take care of the kids when they wake up. I know something needs to change. Am I being selfish, or should I confront her? Please help me. -- TEEN SITTER IN ABILENE

DEAR TEEN SITTER: By all means talk to her. It will be a good experience in learning to stand up for yourself -- a lesson you had better learn quickly, because from where I sit it appears your sister is taking advantage of you.

Responsible child supervision costs a lot more than $20 a week, and you should not have to wonder when your sister leaves for work whether you'll see her again before the next day. What she is doing is palming off her responsibility as a parent onto you.

You were sweet to help her in the first place, but it's time to draw the line. To do that isn't being selfish; it's being smart.

DEAR ABBY: I have two granddaughters. The older one is 11, and the younger one is 18 months. I know that when the time comes for sweet 16, graduations and, most of all, weddings, I won't be here to celebrate with them. I would give anything to be able to leave them something that would let them know they were always in my heart and mind. Have you anything special to recommend? -- ALWAYS IN MY HEART

DEAR ALWAYS: Being able to see you and hear your voice would be a wonderful gift. How about having videos made to be given to your granddaughters when they are 16, about to graduate and planning to be married? I'm sure you would have different thoughts to convey to them as they reach each of these significant milestones in their lives.

If that would be too costly, then write letters to be given to them on those occasions. And if you have the means, include a keepsake gift -- perhaps a piece of jewelry that belonged to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and have never been able to stand up for myself. I have an extremely sloppy roommate whom I always have to clean up after, a former fiance I want to cut ties with, and an overbearing mother who treats me like a child.

I know I'm in these situations because I have allowed them to happen. I'd like to be able to speak my mind without fear of what will happen, but it's almost as if I feel blackmailed, and sticking up for myself will make them angry. Any advice you can offer will be much appreciated. -- WANTS TO SPEAK UP, ST. LOUIS, MO.

DEAR WANTS TO SPEAK UP: Stop for a moment and look at what being a people-pleaser has gotten you -- a roommate who takes advantage, a former fiance who won't stop clinging, and a mother you're afraid of having a frank talk with. Are you afraid if you have an unpleasant conversation that they won't "like" you?

By refusing to speak up, what you're doing is encouraging more of the same. However, if you draw the line with your roommate and stop acting like her maid, she might straighten up -- or move -- which would free you to find someone with better personal habits. If you tell your former fiance it's time to hit the road, you will free him to find someone else, which would actually be doing him a favor. And as for your mother, wouldn't it be healthier to air your feelings than harbor the resentment you're nursing?

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 28 years. My problem is his mother, "Hildegarde," has always been overly attached to him, so much so that we moved out of state to get away from her.

Hildegarde has now not only moved to our same small town, but to a home just up the street! My husband works long hours, and his mother expects him to visit her daily. If he gets a day off and we do something together, she cries to anyone who will listen that her son "never comes to see her."

This is affecting our marriage. Hildegarde acts like a jilted lover, and I am considering divorcing him to get away from her. Can you please help me? -- TRAPPED LIKE RATS IN COLORADO

DEAR TRAPPED: Nowhere in your letter have you mentioned your husband's feelings about his mother's antics. Surely he must have known she was considering the move. Was he afraid to discourage her?

If ever I heard of a couple who needed couples counseling, it's you two. You must stick together and form a united front. Hildegarde may also need a therapist to help her understand that her neediness is over the top. But exit the marriage only as a last resort, because if you do, you'll be leaving him to her, and she is insatiable.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since 2/02/02 I have created dinner parties or luncheons to celebrate days with unique numbers. On 5/05/05 (Cinco de Mayo) I had Mexican food with my family. On 6/06/06, six of us went out to lunch. The opening night of the Beijing Olympics was on 8/08/08, so eight of us had Chinese take-out while watching the event.

I plan to continue this tradition until 12/12/12. With 9/09/09 coming up, my daughter suggested "Dress to the Nines" as the theme. Isn't that cute? One of life's greatest pleasures is to share a meal with friends. -- CLAIRE IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR CLAIRE: I agree. While food fills the stomach, the company of friends and loved ones can be more gratifying because it fills the heart and feeds the soul.

P.S. I hope that 13/13/13 isn't a Friday.