DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and currently dating a guy I can't stand. I don't know what to do. He's leaving next year and my friends tell me I should just bear with it until then. I don't know if I can.

He doesn't respect my opinions, makes fun of my taste in music and literature and is basically a know-it-all. Religion is also an issue: He's an atheist and I'm a Christian. I don't feel comfortable being serious with someone who has no qualms about calling my beliefs "b.s." to my face as well as behind my back. I also don't feel comfortable with premarital sex, but he's sure he can change my mind. He constantly reminds me how "patient" he can be about it.

Abby, it's such a mess. I feel like hiding in my room and not answering the phone. -- DESPERATE IN TUCSON

DEAR DESPERATE: It's time to stand up for yourself. Do not hide or avoid picking up the phone. The next time that egotistical creep -- and that's what he is -- calls, say, "It's over!" If he asks why, tell him you're not interested in having anything to do with anyone who belittles you and calls your religious beliefs "b.s.," and regardless of how "patient" he is, you will never sleep with him. Do not talk to him after that. Screen your calls, and if he asks to see you "just one more time," avoid him.

DEAR ABBY: All of my boyfriend "Alex's" close friends have been in jail or in rehab. I know they're good people who made some poor choices, but I don't like associating with them or inviting them to events with my friends and family.

Alex understands why they're not invited and hangs out with them on his own time, and I understand that he's loyal to his friends.

Alex has a good job. He comes from a good family and makes good decisions in life. None of his friends can say the same. I realize my boyfriend is different from them, but I'm concerned about why he continues associating with them. Can you help me understand? -- CHOOSY IN SAN JOSE

DEAR CHOOSY: Your boyfriend associates with them because he is comfortable with them, and I don't blame you for being concerned. Granted, Alex comes from a good family, has a good job and makes "good decisions in life." But I'd be worried, too, if my boyfriend surrounded himself only with people who have had serious problems. It could indicate that although Alex has everything going for him, he may not feel good about himself.

DEAR ABBY: I recently baby-sat with my 4-year-old grandson for almost a week. During that time I noticed he was using the word "ain't." My daughter, a college graduate, lives about an hour away in a more rural area. She became very defensive when I mentioned it, and told me it is accepted in the South and he will continue to use that word.

I am concerned about the limiting effect I feel this may have on my grandson's future life and opportunities. What are your thoughts on this issue, and how should I behave? -- GRAMMAR GRANDMA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRANDMA: Parents who fail to teach their children proper grammar are doing their children no favor. Obviously, your grandson is mimicking the kind of speech he's hearing around him -- and probably at home.

How should you behave? Continue to model proper English grammar when he's with you, encourage him to use it and remind him when he forgets.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law, "Ray," and his wife moved in with my husband's parents for a few months until they could get back on their feet. They have two small boys and a cat, "Precious," they have had since they were first married.

They looked for an apartment to rent, but could not find one that would allow pets. My mother-in-law, "Loretta," was anxious for them to move out, so she told them to take the apartment and she'd keep the cat at her home.

Shortly after, Loretta asked my husband to secretly get rid of it. (Her husband had refused.) When my husband said he couldn't do it, she took matters into her own hands, drove Precious 10 miles away from her house and dumped her on the side of the road.

Ray and the kids went to her home every day to set out milk and look for their kitty. They also checked with the local animal shelter. About 10 days later, they found Precious at the shelter. They had to pay to re-adopt her -- money they didn't have to spare. Not knowing what I know, they then returned their cat to Loretta!

Should I tell Ray the truth so they can rescue their cat, or keep mum so as not to make my mother-in-law angry by revealing the awful thing she did? -- ON THE FENCE IN NEVADA

DEAR ON THE FENCE: What your mother-in-law did was unconscionable. I don't know how many of Precious' nine lives were used up after she was abandoned, but house pets usually die from starvation, exposure, attacks by predators or encounters with vehicles after being dumped as she was.

If you can't bring yourself to tell your brother-in-law what happened to his furry family member, clip this and mail it to him with a note explaining that it contains an important message. After all, someone must speak for the voiceless.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into a new home a few months ago. On our first night in our new residence, an emotionally disturbed relative came over and caused a scene which resulted in the police being called to have the person removed from our home. Since then, we have been shunned by our neighbors.

I was hoping for a friendly welcome, but I haven't gotten so much as a "hello," let alone a plate of cookies.

How should we handle this? I realize that because of the police incident, the neighbors may think we have domestic issues -- or worse. I don't know how to improve the bad impression that was created -- especially since it was not our fault. Please help. -- WAITING FOR THE WELCOME WAGON IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR WAITING: If you see a neighbor, smile, say hello and introduce yourself. As to "waiting for the welcome wagon," in many areas the custom of welcoming newcomers into the neighborhood has died out. So why not take the initiative, bake a couple of batches of cookies or buy some candy for the neighbors on either side of you and immediately across the street. Write a short note to be included with each, saying, "We apologize for not doing this sooner, but my husband and I were embarrassed by what happened the night we moved in. A relative caused the disturbance. We are very sorry you were inconvenienced. Sincerely, ___"

That should help you break the ice.

DEAR ABBY: At the age of 72, having had two spouses over the years, I need to put in my two cents regarding the letter from "Still Hot and Bothered in Georgia" (July 8). I have learned that some women won't say "no!" to a husband's amorous advances, especially in the morning. But they will try to distract him by scrubbing the tub, spotting a spider on the wall, feeding the cat or saying she forgot to fold the laundry and has to do it before it wrinkles. Whether it's conscious or unconscious, they do it to cool their husbands off on a "hot" morning.

"Still Hot and Bothered" may need to give some thought to what turns his wife on or off -- especially the timing. After all, we are from Mars and they are from Venus. -- ALEX IN BLUE BELL, PA.

DEAR ALEX: I agree that timing is important. My office was showered with responses from readers who were steamed over my response to that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The guys and I enjoy reading your column out loud to see if we agree or not with your advice. We were unanimous in our disagreement with your advice to "Still Hot and Bothered."

We would have been torqued if our wife had stayed in the shower to clean it instead of coming to bed for a good romp. We also would have showered with our wife to start the festivities early and then moved to the bedroom.

Several of the guys said they'd have gotten into the shower and made the cleaning come to a halt. There's a time for cleaning, and it's not when your husband is waiting with his motor running. -- THE GUYS IN THE ELECTRIC LAB, HARRISONBURG, VA.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not against spontaneous cleaning (I do it myself), but the fact that the wife would rather clean than spend time with her husband tells me she's either unable to read his signals or she just doesn't care to be close and intimate with him. It also shows a lack of judgment, compassion and understanding on her part.

If the situation were reversed and he had decided he'd rather watch sports than be with his wife, I'm sure she would have been equally upset. I don't think the rules should be different for men and women in this regard. And yes, I am a woman. -- HEATHER IN KANKAKEE, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: It appears that these days couples never have time for each other. Instead, they have their "individual" priorities before their "married" priorities.

When you compare the life expectancy of women vs. men, that woman will probably have years to clean the shower by herself without worrying about her mate. -- KEN IN SULPHUR, LA.

DEAR ABBY: Men just don't get it! Women don't have on/off switches like men do. Atmosphere is very important for us. My husband enjoys "getting close" in the mornings, too -- but I usually wake up with my to-do list running in my head. It is very difficult for me to get in the mood when there's work to be done.

Obviously, the wife in that letter wasn't ready to play. Instead of getting upset, her husband should have gotten creative and helped to set her mood. -- BRENDA IN FORT WORTH