DEAR ABBY: May I respond to your column regarding excessive waits in doctors' offices (Sept. 1)?

I am a board-certified interventional cardiologist who has been practicing for 30 years. I work 85 to 90 hours each week. As hard as we try, our office schedule often falls behind. Despite recommendations that acute problems go to the emergency room, unscheduled patients come to the office with chest pains, and they must be attended to. Even scheduled patients can develop complex medical issues that require extra, unplanned time to evaluate and treat.

Our patients with a history of heart disease do not mind waiting when the office runs behind because they receive the same specialized extra-care treatment when they need it. Delays that result from spending extra time evaluating and treating sick patients with complicated problems is not "unprofessional" behavior as "Larry W." implied. On the contrary, it relates to the art of medicine and caring for the well-being of each patient above all else.

And for the architect, I wonder when he last worked a 90-hour week, took seven or eight phone calls from his clients after midnight, and got up at 3 a.m. to do an emergency two-hour procedure before returning to his office at 8 in the morning bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and running on schedule the rest of the day? -- DR. RON IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DR. RON: I felt it was only fair to print your response to my follow-up column on "Sick of Waiting in Denver." That column elicited a mountain of letters, all of them offering reasonable explanations for the delays in medical offices. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many factors cause doctors to run behind. Routine physicals can reveal life-threatening conditions that must be dealt with immediately.

Also, people do not reveal the true reason for their visit when they call, so they are not given the appropriate amount of time for the appointment. A teenager brought in for vomiting could have the stomach flu, onset diabetes or even be pregnant.

A colleague once had a woman complaining of abdominal pain who gave birth in the exam room. That definitely took more than 15 minutes! -- M.D. IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a thoracic surgeon who spends four days a week in the O.R. and one action-packed day seeing patients in his office in addition to his on-call schedules. When I ask my husband what held him up when he gets home late for dinner, his response is always the same: "I give each patient my undivided attention. I would never cut them off or hurry to see the next one until I know every concern was addressed." If these readers who complained about waiting have a doctor as kind and caring as my husband, their wait is worth every second. -- MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN

DEAR ABBY: Every single day, multiple patients wait until their appointment time is up to say, "There's just one more thing I was afraid to bring up ..." Then they tell me about their chest pain, depression or possible abuse. These are things I cannot and will not ignore. But it does mean the next patient will have to wait.

Some people behave as if they're going to a fast food drive-thru. And if things don't change, that is exactly the kind of care they'll end up getting. -- DELMAR, N.Y., DOCTOR

DEAR ABBY: When your doctor has to deliver devastating news about your health and you have lots of questions, lots of tears and your mind is filled with terror, you'll appreciate the time being spent with you -- which means someone else will have to wait. -- MEDICAL OFFICE MANAGER IN KINGSPORT, TENN.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old business woman. I was single for many years until I met and fell in love with "Rory," who had been a long-time client. We were married a year ago.

Rory and I love each other, but we have a problem -- or, should I say, I have one. Rory has a penile implant and an insatiable sex drive. I can't keep up with him. He demands sex every night and sometimes a couple of times during the week at lunchtime.

I don't know what to do because above all I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Have you any advice for me? -- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

DEAR TOO MUCH: Yes, you and your husband appear to have a communication problem, and the solution is to schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor. You are not the "one" with the problem. When a couple suffers from sexual problems, it's a problem shared by both parties.

I don't know how long Rory had erectile difficulties before he got his implant, but it appears he's using the device as a toy and doesn't understand the enjoyment must be mutual. And if it isn't mutual, you have the right to "just say no."

DEAR ABBY: My son is being married soon. It will be his first marriage and his fiancee's second.

Would it be proper to have a wedding shower for our side of the family? My daughter would host it. Also, do we invite the bride's mother even if it's a party for our side of the family? -- MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE: A bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law inviting your side of the family would be a warm, welcoming gesture. However, it should not be hosted by an immediate family member of the bride-to-be or her fiance -- which eliminates your daughter. The reason for the restriction preventing close relatives from hosting the event is anyone who attends a shower is obligated to bring a gift. Therefore, a party sponsored by a near relative is a virtual demand for gifts by someone too close to the couple for it to be in good taste.

As to whether or not to include the bride's mother, although bridesmaids and mothers of the engaged couple are usually included, it isn't carved in stone that they must be. Example: If the party is given by the couple's contemporaries for members of their generation, the mothers would not necessarily be included. In this case, however, inviting the bride's mother so she can become acquainted with your side of the family would be a thoughtful gesture.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-month-old daughter loves visiting her grandmom and grandpop. But there's a hitch -- Grandpop often meets us at the door dressed only in a T-shirt and briefs. I have heard my mother tell him more than once, "Come on, Grandpa, put your pants on!"

I have tried cajoling him to be more modest. He seems to think since it's his home, he can do and wear what he pleases. Any advice? -- UNDERWEARY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDERWEARY: Just this: If seeing "Grandpop" in his underwear bothers you, call before you take your daughter over for a visit to ask if he's "decent." He's right about being able to do and wear what he pleases in his own home. But there's no law that says you must be subjected to it if it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR READERS: Today, Veterans Day, I would like to thank not only all of you who have honorably served our country, but also those men and women who are on active duty for your service as well. I salute each and every one of you. -- ABBY

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Paula," and I have a friend I'll call "Mark." I recently learned that before our wedding, Mark made a pass at Paula. (He was separated from his wife at the time.) Paula told him she wasn't interested.

I also found out that Paula kissed Mark while we were having some difficulties during the past couple of years. But when Mark and his wife worked things out, he told Paula the behavior had to end.

When I ask my wife about these things, she's honest and tells me what happened. I try to keep an open mind and get past it, but haven't been able to.

It doesn't help that Mark visits Paula at her job several times a week, and she stays there socializing with him after she's done working. I'd estimate they spend at least 10 hours a week together. I don't like to be around them anymore because they're always touching and poking each other. I actually counted 22 "touches" once when I was with them for a couple of hours.

I have told my wife I'm uncomfortable with their relationship, especially because of the past kissing business. She says I should stop being insecure and that they're just friends. I feel she is choosing their friendship over our marriage. Please help me figure out what to do. -- LEFT OUT IN MAINE

DEAR LEFT OUT: Mark isn't your friend. And to say that Paula is insensitive to your feelings would be an understatement. What makes you uncomfortable is their obvious physical attraction, an example of which is the fact they can't keep their hands off each other.

Because you can't seem to get through to your wife, enlist the help of a licensed marriage counselor. Tell Paula you're making an appointment with a therapist and invite her along. If she refuses, go without her. What's happening is unfair to you, and you need an ally.

DEAR ABBY: I am slightly overweight and want to lose 5 to 10 pounds. I admittedly have little self-control and always eat whatever is put in front of me.

My problem is my wife continues to stock cookies, ice cream and other goodies in the house. Even though I have asked her on many occasions to stop, she refuses to honor my requests. She says "the kids" shouldn't have to suffer because of my lack of self-control.

Abby, I'd like our kids to eat better, too. What should I do? I'd hate to split up over this issue because we have preteens and everything else is going well. -- FRUSTRATED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The print and television media have, for some time, been filled with stories about the importance of children learning healthy eating habits and urging parents to not only stock the fridge and pantry with healthy snacks, but also to set a good example. Your wife may have missed all of this, or she may have some ulterior motive for making sure you don't lose the weight.

Should this end an otherwise good marriage? No, but please understand that if you do not draw the line, your children may also wind up paying the price.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)