DEAR ABBY: In your response to the letter from "'Cougar' in New York" (Sept. 3), you invited your male readers to share their thoughts. Abby, cougars are nothing new. They're simply out of the closet.

Men have been called "dirty old men" for their dalliances with younger women. But older women have quietly involved themselves with younger men for years. As women have become more successful, both in the corporate environment and individually, they have grown bolder in their personal lives.

As a 58-year-old man, I look on this as a natural progression of the boomer-born sexual revolution. When I was in my teens and suffering the testosterone overload, my father said, "Look for an older woman to teach you the ropes." His idea was that they had the experience and patience to tutor.

I don't consider "cougar" as being predatory, nor do most men and women I know. Our world is changing and evolving, and this is simply another chapter. -- SAN DIEGO READER

DEAR SAN DIEGO READER: I appreciate your comments. My male readers shared some interesting insights in favor of the "cougar." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Older women are more established and more interested in fostering personal relationships. Many young women are highly career-oriented and less interested in pursuing relationships, and that can be a turnoff for men. Not all men avoid commitment. Some of us desire it, and we have a greater chance of finding it with someone older, even at the risk of finding a woman beyond childbearing years. -- WILLIAM IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: In truth, I am neither looking for a cougar nor a younger woman. What I am looking for is someone full of life, full of ideas, able to think for herself and not wanting to think for me. I seek someone who is confident, but humble. THAT is what I find attractive in a woman. -- ONE MAN'S PERSPECTIVE

DEAR ABBY: On my 25th birthday, I met a woman who was 10 years older than me. We were both just looking for someone to have fun with. Six months later we were married. We were still together 45 years later when she passed away. I wouldn't trade our years together for anything because we were friends and able to talk about anything to each other. We learned to enjoy simple pleasures, and that made all the difference. If you find someone you are comfortable with, don't let the calendar get in your way. -- STILL GRIEVING IN KILLEEN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: "'Cougar' in New York" answered her own question when she said, "I am a caring, fun person who loves music and dancing." Women like her are attractive at any age. It's the lack of older men who can keep up with them that makes "cougars" available to younger guys! -- JOHN IN GRAND MARAIS, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: Age is just a number. The age difference doesn't matter. Women tend to live longer than men.

I'm in my early 50s and going through a divorce. I always wanted to be a better dancer, so I enrolled in a dance class to improve my skills. I met a wonderful woman there who is several years older than me. Life happens.

We have been dating for more than a year now, and we're having the time of our lives. As my friend says, "Does it get any better than this?" -- "BOY TOY" IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 25 years, in an effort to get me to stop smoking, refuses to have sex until I quit. It's been more than a year since we made love.

I love my wife with all my heart, and I always will. I plan to stop smoking, but not this way. She will not give in (or give out). I don't want to think of sex as her weapon, but it is. Any advice on how to cope with my unwinnable battle? -- DESPERATE IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATE: Yes. You mentioned you plan to quit smoking, so why not start now? The letter below could have been written expressly for you. Once you no longer reek of stale tobacco, your wife may rediscover her passion and both your problems will be solved. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: On Thursday, Nov. 19, 2009, the American Cancer Society is celebrating the 34th Great American Smokeout, and we want to encourage your readers who smoke to quit. Research shows that smokers who quit can significantly increase their life expectancy.

A smoker who quits at age 35 gains an average of eight years of life expectancy. A person who quits at 55 gains five more birthdays to spend with loved ones.

Smokers who stop before age 50 cut their risk of dying in the next 15 years in half compared with people who continue to smoke. Ten years after quitting, the lung cancer death rate is about half of that of someone who continues.

Quitting smoking is not easy. People often have to try several times before they are successful. But the American Cancer Society is here to help. We have been making great progress in this country when it comes to people getting the message about not smoking -- in fact, adult cigarette smoking declined to 19.8 percent in 2007.

Smokers who want to quit can call the society's Quit for Life program operated and managed by Free & Clear at (800) 227-2345 to speak with trained counselors who can help them develop a quit plan and set a quit date. The American Cancer Society and Free & Clear have helped a total of 1 million tobacco users in their attempt to quit smoking.

As the official sponsor of birthdays, the American Cancer Society is fighting for every birthday that's threatened by cancer in all communities. We hope you will join us in our movement to create a world with less cancer and more birthdays by sharing the message that the Great American Smokeout is the PERFECT day to make a plan to quit or to use as a quit date. Quitting smoking is one of the most important steps anyone can take to create a world with more birthdays. -- ALAN G. THORSON, M.D., NATIONAL VOLUNTEER PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. THORSON AND DEAR READERS: I am pleased to once again spread the word about the Great American Smokeout, a subject that has appeared in this column many times. Tobacco use remains the single largest preventable cause of death in the U.S., and one-third of all cancer deaths could be prevented if people simply avoided tobacco.

The Great American Smokeout Web site (www.cancer.org/GreatAmericans) contains user-friendly tips and tools to help smokers quit and remain smoke-free. Quitting is the most precious gift you can give yourself and the people who love you. The Countdown Clock and Craving Stopper downloadable desktop applications are two of the free resources available to help you on the path toward quitting. Good luck!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: On a Sunday afternoon in late September, I got hopelessly lost trying to find O'Hare Airport in Chicago. I pulled off the interstate at a neighborhood exit and asked a man parked at the curb for directions. He was Hispanic, and there was a bit of a language barrier, but he and his sister offered to lead me there.

When we neared Midway Airport, I realized the mistake that had happened. They again offered to lead me to O'Hare -- which is a considerable distance from Midway.

We traveled through stop-and-go traffic, took shortcuts through local neighborhoods with parades, demonstrations and traffic cops, and became temporarily separated when other vehicles darted between me and my rescuers. I worried that the needle on my gas gauge would drop, which would mean having to gas up again at my destination -- if I ever reached it.

They got me to O'Hare and I turned in my car before the needle dipped. I could only wave my gratitude as I turned off. I hope my navigators understood.

They were in their late 30s/early 40s and driving a small red pickup with an open bed. I never got their names, but hope they'll recognize themselves if you print this. They were wonderfully helpful and kind to a stranger in trouble, and I am grateful. -- LADY IN THE RED HYUNDAI WITH N.Y. PLATES

DEAR LADY: I hope your "dos Buenos Samaritanos" see your letter and know that they are still in your thoughts. An act of kindness is a powerful thing; the "ripples" it creates move ever outward. So now it's your turn -- pass it on.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are chronic overspenders. The illusion of material wealth is all they care about. Over the past 10 years they have filed for bankruptcy twice, lost two homes, had three cars repossessed and been through credit counseling twice.

My two siblings and I have tried to help, but all it did was enable them to continue acting irresponsibly. The money we have "lent" them is into five figures. Once we lent them money so their car wouldn't be repossessed, but they used it to buy new furniture.

Mom and Dad are now unemployed, and none of us is able to bail them out again. Last year, we asked them to forgo any holiday gifts. All we wanted was a family dinner and for them to use their money on bills and necessities. They didn't listen and bought us extravagant gifts anyway, only to hit us up later for money to pay the bills! We returned the gifts and gave the money back to them.

How do we impress upon our parents that we don't want any gifts this year? We're ready to cancel celebrating Christmas with them. I know they'll be hurt, but what else can we do? -- HATES THE HOLIDAYS IN OHIO

DEAR HATES THE HOLIDAYS: Your parents have a serious problem, and if you care about their welfare -- as you and your siblings obviously do -- I recommend that all of you start family counseling immediately. It may take a mediator to help your parents realize that their behavior is out of control and that someone else should be managing their finances.

You cannot and should not be expected to fix their money problems, which I suspect are the result of other underlying issues. Your doctor or state psychological association can refer you to someone who is licensed and qualified.