DEAR ABBY: Our family has had a difficult year. We have gone from one drama or trauma to another, but have always managed. There's one issue, however, that I can't fix. My husband, "Arthur," can't keep our problems private. He seems compelled to tell EVERYONE he meets about what's going on in our family.

I have told Arthur repeatedly, "What happens at home should stay at home," and begged him not to take our problems to the neighbors, who have enough of their own. It's embarrassing when our friends, neighbors and extended family are informed about the dramas going on in our home. But Arthur becomes defensive when I tell him I don't like it and says he won't stop -- that I'm being "too sensitive."

Abby, I feel my husband's blabbing is disloyal. I'm worried that he is ruining our reputation because he can't keep his mouth shut. Please help. -- TOWN CRIER'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Your husband may be looking for attention or sympathy. He also appears to lack good judgment and impulse control, and does not understand what consequences his "blabbing" might bring.

However, I can't muzzle him and neither can you. It may bring small comfort to remember that these days people are so preoccupied with their own problems they are likely to be less judgmental about your drama and trauma.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother finishing my undergraduate degree in English. I have a 6-year-old son. His father, "Gil," and I are on great terms. We kept everything out of the courts, and he pays me monthly child support. Gil sees our son whenever he likes, which is often.

I have an opportunity to go to law school 200 miles away, and I'm considering leaving my son with his dad to do so. I have no problem taking him with me, but as parents we thought that uprooting our son for three years was not a good idea.

I am doing this for my son. I come from a poor family, and I am the first to graduate from college. A liberal arts degree won't afford me much in the future. Gil's income is "fair," but neither of us has any real security.

I trust Gil when he gives me his word on an agreement. Many of my friends are supportive, but some of the stay-at-home moms are making me feel like a terrible person and mother. Would I be selfish to do this or should I continue with my plans for a better income and career? -- GNAWING UNCERTAINTY IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Stop listening to the criticism and proceed with ensuring a bright future for you and your boy. As long as you can spend time with your son during school breaks and during the summer months, I see no reason why you should not get your law degree. But there should be a clear written agreement between you and Gil that the arrangement is only temporary, and it's important your son understand that your absence is not because he has done anything to cause it.

And now, Dear Readers, I am pleased to continue the tradition of offering the Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. No Thanksgiving would be complete for me without it.

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

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DEAR ABBY: I am writing in regard to the letter from "On the Fence in Nevada" (Sept. 11) (whose mother-in-law dumped her grandchildren's cat on the side of the road). I work as an animal safety officer for the sheriff's office, and I also volunteer for a local animal nonprofit.

There has been an increase in pet dumping as the economy has worsened. While the information you offered was accurate, there are many other reasons not to abandon an animal.

What "Loretta" did was illegal. It's called animal endangerment, animal abuse or animal abandonment. Because the cat did not belong to her, she could also have been brought up on charges of theft. Such charges can carry heavy fines and jail time.

"On the Fence" should know that there are local organizations that can help her brother-in-law by providing temporary foster care for his pet until he can get back on his feet. Their members are people who will want the cat in their home and who will love it and look after it. -- DAWN IN COLORADO

DEAR DAWN: Thank you for pointing out that what Loretta did was illegal and that there are options for providing care for family pets. Readers were outraged and some went so far as suggesting that Loretta herself be dumped by the side of the road with no food, water or cell phone and left to find her way home. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That letter made my blood boil! I'm surprised that "Fence" needed to write for advice. She should never have stood silently by and let "Precious" be returned to her abuser. As you said, this was a virtual death sentence for Precious, and it was a miracle that she ended up in a shelter. The mother-in-law who watched the family hunt for the cat day after day has a sadistic streak a mile wide.

Abby, shelters across the nation are already overcrowded as a result of animals surrendered by their families because of the troubled economy. Precious stood little chance of being adopted and I am relieved her family located her. -- FELINE FANCIER, ROYAL OAK, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked, appalled and horrified by the letter about Precious. How awful! I can't believe anyone with a conscience could do such a thing to an innocent creature. And to her own son and grandchildren!

How she could watch them search day in and day out, then watch them re-adopt their cat is beyond me. I hope she reads this and knows what a low-life I think she is. "On the Fence" should tell her brother-in-law what happened to keep such a thing from ever happening again. -- HORRIFIED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: The family cat being dumped by the side of the road because the mother-in-law no longer wanted to take care of it is beyond inexcusable. It was flat-out mean-spirited. "Ray," his wife and their kids were already experiencing challenging times and Loretta not only created an unnecessary expense but added to the stress on the family.

Pets provide great calm and stability when our lives are in turmoil. If Loretta no longer wanted the responsibility of the pet, why didn't she make other arrangements, like boarding it in a kennel? If I was her husband, I would have left her on the side of the road and brought the cat home. The cat would have provided him with unconditional love, something it appears Loretta is incapable of feeling. What she did shows she doesn't value her relationship with her grandchildren. -- JOHN IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Charlie" for almost a year. We both have children from previous relationships. He has recently been talking about marriage, but as much as I care for him, I am reluctant.

When my daughter, "Mia," was in kindergarten, she was diagnosed with ADHD. I went through some rough times. It took all I had to raise her and her younger brother. Mia is now 13 and finally starting to overcome her ADHD issues.

The problem is Charlie's daughter (age 8) has ADHD far worse than Mia's was, and his other daughter (age 6) has an eating disorder.

Charlie divorced his wife just before we began dating, and he became a single parent. He has never parented alone. His wife was the primary caregiver to both girls.

Charlie does take the advice I offer and has tried to change his disciplinary habits, but only when I say something. And he doesn't take his younger daughter's disorder seriously.

I would like to stay with him, but -- and this is going to sound awful -- I don't want to raise his high-maintenance kids. I feel I have served my time as a parent to a child with special needs. Caring for his changes all the rules I have established for my own children. They're beginning to wonder why his daughters are treated more leniently and, "If I had done that, you'd have punished me" is something I hear all the time. -- BURNED-OUT MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR BURNED OUT: Your signature says it all. Have you heard the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? You and Charlie have a wonderful relationship right now. You can enjoy him and help him out when he needs it, and you're still free to absent yourself when his girls become too much for you.

Marriage is a package deal. If you combine households feeling the way you do, it would be unfair to yourself, to Charlie and all four of the children. I advise against it.

P.S. If you haven't already mentioned to Charlie that both his daughters need to be under a doctor's care, I urge you to do it.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter, "Tiffany," still lives at home. When she was out of work for six months, we paid all her bills.

She has become very disrespectful to me and my husband. The atmosphere in our home has become so toxic that we asked her to move out. When we told her, she threatened us by saying if we make her move we'll never see her again.

I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I have done something to make her behave this way, and I can no longer function normally on a daily basis. I'm extremely depressed, and I desperately need advice on how to proceed. -- HELPLESS IN MARYLAND

DEAR HELPLESS: Is Tiffany on drugs? Does she have emotional problems that have prompted her personality change? If the answer is yes, she needs professional help and should be allowed to stay only if she agrees to it. If the answer is no, then your "mistake" may have been in being so lenient and generous that your daughter may feel it's her right to stay on her own terms indefinitely.

You are entitled to respect and peace of mind in your own home, so stick to your guns and don't cave in. Tiffany isn't going to disappear from your lives forever. In fact, if her behavior is any indication, I predict she'll be back the minute she needs money, if not before.

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