Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, you printed a poem about children with special needs having been sent by God to special parents who can nurture and care for them.

Our neighbors -- dear friends of ours -- have a new baby who has challenges. Although there are days that bring with them frustrations, this loving couple is doing a wonderful job of parenting their beautiful little girl.

With the holidays approaching, would you print that poem again? I would like to give a copy to my neighbors. -- IN AWE IN MARYLAND

DEAR IN AWE: The poem you're referring to is titled, "Heaven's Very Special Child," and it's certainly worth sharing again. The author, Edna Massimilla, wrote it after her daughter -- a child with Down syndrome -- was born.

I have always found its message to be very moving and, when I spoke to Edna, she told me it was written to emphasize that every creation is for a purpose. She's in her 90s now and still writing poems and songs -- especially for children with disabilities. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"Her progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment she may not show.

"And she'll require extra care

"From the folks she meets down there.

"She may not run or laugh or play,

"Her thoughts may seem quite far away.

"So many times she will be labeled

"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.

"So, let's be careful where she's sent.

"We want her life to be content.

"Please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a special job for you.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role they are asked to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"And soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from heaven.

"Their precious charge, so meek and mild

"Is heaven's very special child."

DEAR ABBY: Please help correct a holiday misnomer that seems to be growing more entrenched each year. The reindeer in Clement Moore's "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" is DONDER, not Donner! The name continues to be misspoken in TV commercials, so I'm asking your help. Suggestion: Tell your readers to find a copy and read it to their kids or grandkids. -- DONDER FAN IN VALLEY SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR DONDER FAN: That's an excellent suggestion. I'm in favor of any opportunity parents and grandparents can create to read to children. Not only is it an enjoyable bonding experience, it gives children an incentive to learn to read for themselves.

P.S. In case any of you don't remember the names of the rest of Santa's reindeer, they are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, DONDER and Blitzen. (Rudolph was added later.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who has recently discovered my biological family. I have a wonderful half-brother and several other amazing people I can now call family.

The issue I'm struggling with is my profound attraction to my half-brother. I know it's morally wrong, and I may be confusing the newfound relationship with him. Your perspective would be very much appreciated. -- CONFLICTED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Physical attraction is a reflex -- and not something we can control. Our BEHAVIOR, on the other hand, is something we CAN control.

This is a case of wrong time, wrong place. If you had been a member of the royal family in Egypt 3,000 years ago, you could have married your half-brother and continued the dynasty. But this is 2009 and the USA, so you're just going to have to satisfy your physical attraction with someone less incestuous.

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude to label one's leftover food when staying with relatives? My husband, daughter and I visit his family often. When we go out to eat and bring leftovers back to the house, we usually label them if we want to eat them later.

It has never seemed out of the ordinary to me. I was raised that way. My mother always said that if I didn't want something eaten by one of my siblings, then I should label it.

Recently, my husband's sister (who is 16) asked if she could eat the rest of some pizza we had bought the night before. I politely responded that I planned to have it for lunch. She remarked that she thinks it is funny that we are so protective of our food. It got me to thinking -- is our behavior odd? -- TAKEN ABACK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Considering that you come from a family in which anything in the fridge was considered fair game among your siblings, it's not odd at all. And when your sister-in-law said what she did, you should have explained that to her. Had you done so, she wouldn't have questioned it.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old daughter, "Marissa," is self-centered, lies compulsively and does not consider the consequences of her actions. She has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. We have just learned that she is now pregnant, and her father and I are not happy about it.

We will eventually be meeting the parents of the child's father. Is it our responsibility to discuss Marissa's problems with them? Or should we keep our mouths shut and pretend we are happy? -- TRYING TO DECIDE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TRYING TO DECIDE: Does the young man know about your daughter's diagnosis and what it means? If not, then HE should be told and the implications explained to him.

Because your daughter's personality disorder will affect their son and the grandchild, his parents should also be informed. Ideally, he is the person who should do it. But if he doesn't, lay all the cards on the table because the other grandparents should be prepared.

And no, you do not have to "pretend" to be happy about the situation. And neither do they.

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Pooped Out in North Carolina" (Sept. 21) that as long as dog doo-doo is securely sealed in a bag, you saw no harm in putting it in a stranger's garbage can.

While I agree in principle, as a homeowner who is a frequent recipient of foreign feces, there is a practical issue that you may not have foreseen. Our garbage collectors will not dispose of small bags of dog poop; they will only take trash bags of the larger size one would expect to contain household waste.

The result is that after our trash is taken, we're left with several bags of strangers' dog waste in the bottom of the can. My wife and I have to pull these bags out and add them to larger bags of garbage. Otherwise, they'll remain at the bottom of the can indefinitely.

So while putting one's dog droppings in a stranger's trash may appear to be harmless, it may also have consequences you didn't consider. I would suggest that pet owners err on the side of taking it home with them. And if you don't want to carry it for 15 minutes, don't walk your dog 15 minutes from your house. -- FREQUENT FECES FINDER

DEAR F.F.F.: I'm sorry to say my advice to "Pooped" landed ME in the doghouse. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You should have told "Pooped" to check the local laws first. In my community, if you're caught putting your trash in someone else's container, you are made to clean it out, fined and sometimes given jail time. I'm sure "Pooped" would not appreciate being sent to jail on account of his dog's delivery. -- TOM IN REED CITY, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: A lot depends on how the trash is collected. My trash collector and the nearby city collectors just come and pull the bags out of the cans. That little baggie, if deposited in my trash can, would either be knocked out on the ground or fall to the bottom of my trash can. Neither is acceptable.

On the other hand, some of my neighbors use a trash service that utilizes a truck with a mechanical arm that turns the cans upside down and empties them into the truck. In a case like that, I don't see what difference it makes whose can it's "deposited" in. -- CONNIE IN PARIS, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: I walk my dogs through the neighborhood and, as a responsible pet owner, I clean up after them. Often, however, I wonder why I bother. Many dogs here run loose and leave their messes wherever they please with no one to clean up after them. I think that neighbors should thank pet owners who do clean up -- no matter where they deposit the doo-doo. -- DOG WALKER IN LAYTON, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: When we walk our dog, we always carry a bag. I have seen others "scoop" up after their dog and then toss it under the bushes. Carry it home, folks! Or, as the gentleman did, place it in a trash container. If it's on the curb, it's public property. -- SCOOPER IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: We walk our dogs four times a day and place their carefully bagged "deposits" only in the trash at our house. We do this for two reasons: One, people can be territorial about their refuse containers and resent any "unauthorized" garbage placed there. Two, many homeowners hate finding animal waste on their property or in their trash.

Abby, please rethink your reply to "Pooped Out." He sounds lazy. His wife, family and co-workers, on the other hand, appear to be responsible and considerate. -- PICKER-UPPER IN CALIFORNIA