DEAR ABBY: My mother is my best friend, but I can't stop yelling at her for invading my privacy. I have just learned that she has read all my journals since I was 9. She also figured out all my passwords to my e-mail, online blogs and social network accounts.

I have lived away from home for six years. I no longer feel I can leave my mother alone in my apartment because she goes through my text messages, call list, letters, bills, bank statements, etc. I have now stopped writing, which was my only outlet of expression, because of her snooping. She says I hurt her feelings when I yell, but I have reached the end of my rope.

I have had calm conversations with her about this. She always promises that she'll stop, but she never does. Abby, she has no reason to snoop -- I talk to her 20 times a day. How can I keep this from ruining our relationship? -- MAD IN MANHATTAN

DEAR MAD: You say you talk to your mother 20 times a day? Doesn't that seem to you to be somewhat excessive? You say she snoops when she's alone in your apartment. How is she gaining unsupervised entry?

Speaking as an unbiased outsider, I think some separation from your mother would be healthy for both of you. So change your passwords, put your financial information under lock and key, and cut the umbilical cord. It's long overdue.

DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend who was raised with beautiful manners and always opens a door for a lady. The last time we spoke, he told me he had opened a door for a woman and she told him off! She said she didn't need any "help," that she was capable of opening her own doors, and it should have been obvious that she wasn't disabled -- among other things.

My friend didn't know what to say. I told him to just ignore what she said. Was there a polite comeback for him? -- STUMPED FOR AN ANSWER

DEAR STUMPED: No, not unless he wanted to get into a spitting contest with a viper. You say your friend was raised to open doors for ladies. Well, it appears he opened a door for a woman who wasn't one. Please tell him not to give up because anyone with manners would have said thank you and appreciated the gesture. I know I would have.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 27 years and are raising four children. During a recent visit to my in-laws, I noticed a picture hanging on their wall that we had used as our engagement photo. Abby, the picture had been altered. My portion was cut out! I was shocked and would like to know your thoughts. Should I say something about it, or ignore this obvious slight and move on? -- APPARENT OUT-LAW IN HOUSTON

DEAR OUT-LAW: You say you have been married to their son for 27 years and this the first time you've noticed it? If so, ignore it. However, if the alteration is recent, and you suspect there may be fences that need mending, the next time you pay them a visit, walk over to the picture, say: "Oh, that's our engagement picture. But something seems to be missing. Why ... it's ME. Should I take this as a message?" Then be quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: I have two terrific children, ages 6 and 8. I am honest and open with them about everything. For their ages, they are well-informed about sex, drugs and alcohol.

Some of my friends and neighbors have a problem with my children asking questions in front of them, and with me for giving them honest and age-appropriate answers.

I have been told I am giving them too much information and "oversexualizing" and "overeducating" my children. This is not the way I view it. Everything I say is at a level my children can comprehend, and I don't give more details than I need to. My kids know that drugs are bad and how to identify them in order to refuse them. They also know how alcohol and tobacco affect the human body, how babies are "made" and where they come from.

I believe that honesty is a better policy than "wait until you're older and we'll discuss this." Am I right, or are my friends and neighbors correct? -- PROACTIVE MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM: You are. If children have questions, they should know they can come to their mother for straight answers -- regardless of what is being asked. By providing honest information in terms they can understand, you are showing your children that you are open, honest, unembarrassed -- and that they can be, too. Good for you!

DEAR ABBY: For 14 years I suffered extreme mental and physical abuse from my parents. It led to chronic depression and self-destructive behavior, until I finally sought the help of a therapist. With talk therapy and medication, I am finally on stronger footing.

I am 34 now and much better off since I have severed all contact with my parents. My problem is how to convince my aunts that this is what is best for me, and that I am not an "ungrateful daughter" for choosing to have no contact with either parent. I no longer have the energy for their crazy drama. Am I "ungrateful" because of what I have done? -- HEALTHIER NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HEALTHIER: No, not considering your family history, and assuming the decision to cut off contact with your parents was made with the help of your therapist. If that's the case, then what you have done is to protect yourself from further emotional abuse.

Do your aunts know what you suffered while growing up? If so, they should clearly understand that you are doing only what you must in order to maintain mental stability. And if they don't, explain it to them, and don't apologize or allow them to make you feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with more than 30 employees. Two weeks ago an envelope was sent around seeking our mandatory contributions to give gifts to the partners of the office "to show our appreciation."

I was always taught one never "gifts up" the chain of command. I show my appreciation each day by being a good employee. Am I wrong? -- BLACKMAILED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BLACKMAILED: I don't think so. It appears you and your fellow employees are being ordered to pony up in order to keep your job. And by the way, "mandatory contribution" is an oxymoron.

DEAR ABBY: "Hayley" is one of the few good friends I have at college. We take a class together. It's in a building across campus, so I drive. I always contact Hayley to see if she wants me to take her. (She typically does.) Because the class requires physical activity, we dress in appropriate clothing.

When I pick Hayley up, I am already dressed and ready to go. The problem is, she isn't. She is either eating or on her computer when I arrive. Once I come in, she begins to get ready. This has made us late for class several times. It has reached the point that I have to arrive earlier and earlier to get her to be on time.

I understand that I am more organized than she is, but it grates on my nerves. I am the one giving her a ride, and she causes us both to be late. I think she should be ready to leave when I get there. I know she has a busy schedule, but this is driving me crazy. I care about Hayley dearly, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Should I say something to her? -- CAMPUS CLOCK-WATCHER

DEAR CLOCK-WATCHER: Yes, absolutely, because Hayley isn't a mind reader and if you haven't spoken up, she may be under the impression that you don't mind. Tell your friend you are no longer willing to be late to class, you expect her to be ready to leave at the time you get there, and if she isn't, you will leave without her. THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. I predict Hayley won't be late after that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man living in Florida. Without being invited, my sister called to inform me that she and her husband would be coming to visit me over the Christmas/New Year holiday. She said they planned to stay "a month or so" to escape the harsh northern winter. Caught off guard, I said I'd love to have them come for a week or 10 days, but I didn't want them to move in with me. At that point, she became miffed and said not to worry about it -- she and my brother-in-law would visit her son in Las Vegas instead.

Now I'm wondering if I was rude. I don't want them planting themselves in my home for months on end, but I don't want to destroy our relationship either. I love them both, but I have a life of my own. Did I make a mistake, or is it normal for relatives to visit for months? -- CONFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You did not make a mistake, and it is not "normal" for people to invite themselves to be houseguests as your sister did. Her attitude was presumptuous. Your reaction was honest. What she proposed was an imposition. If defending your privacy "destroys" your relationship, your sibling bond wasn't strong to begin with. Frankly, I think your sister had a lot of nerve, and her son has my sympathy because it's going to be a long winter in Las Vegas.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s, and I honestly do not know how to respond when people ask me, "How are you?" I have had many health problems in the last few years, and I don't think anyone really wants to hear about them. -- I'M JUST SAYIN'

DEAR JUST SAYIN': If you have any reason to think that the person asking the question really doesn't care how you are, then spare him or her an organ recital. Convey the expected response, which is, "I'm fine -- how are you?"

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)