DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jana," and I have been married 15 years. She's the love of my life. I can't imagine living without her. We have three beautiful children, successful careers and a nice home. We have a great relationship, and I trust her completely.

Before we dated, Jana ran with a fast crowd. She was also somewhat promiscuous back then. Don't get me wrong, there are things from my past that I'm not proud of, either. But it bothers me that her "adventures" exceeded mine.

We went to Jana's class reunion last fall, and I met several friends from her past. Each guy I met, I couldn't help but wonder if he had slept with my wife. I know about some of her old boyfriends, but not all.

I think Jana knows this bothered me, but she doesn't know how much. I literally became nauseated thinking about her past. After almost 20 years of dating and marriage, I thought I'd be over it. Should I press her for more details or just live with the knots in my stomach? -- CURIOUS GEORGE IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR GEORGE: Neither. After 20 years of dating and marriage, it's time to grow up. You have a happy, successful marriage -- so why are you wasting time obsessing about the distant past? If you have digestive problems, discuss them with your doctor or a therapist. But to ask your wife for a scorecard at this late date will be counterproductive, and I doubt that it will fix what ails you. And in the future -- skip the reunions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who attends a private middle school. When I go to school, I see girls my age wearing a little bit of makeup. When I try to sneak off to school with a little bit on my face, my parents wipe it off and say I'm beautiful just the way I am, although I disagree.

Abby, I will be 13 next month! I'm absolutely positive that I can handle makeup without going overboard. But when I say it to my parents, they still forbid me to wear or buy any. How do I convince them that I'm mature enough to handle this? -- NOT IMMATURE IN NYC

DEAR NOT IMMATURE: Your parents regard you as their little girl and may be hoping to keep you that way for another year. One of the hallmarks of maturity is being honest with your parents. If you want to convince them that you're mature enough to handle makeup, perhaps you should consider not sneaking out of the house wearing any. Prove to them that you can be trusted, and they'll have faith in your judgment -- and I'm not just talking about makeup.

DEAR ABBY: I have been arguing with my husband over something, and I hope you can settle it once and for all. When he gets out of the shower, he leaves the curtain open. I prefer to keep it closed because I think it looks nicer to see a closed shower curtain in the bathroom.

My husband insists it should stay open to make sure the tub dries. I think the tub will dry regardless, since the air can flow over the curtain rod, and the curtain will become moldy if it's all scrunched up. Who is right? -- STEAMY IN TEXAS

DEAR STEAMY: I did some checking, and was told by a major hotel chain that its housekeeping staff leaves the shower curtains pushed to the side (open) so air can flow through. However, those curtains are laundered frequently.

I also contacted the bed and bath department of a national department store chain, and the manager suggested leaving the curtain halfway open in the middle of the shower -- open at both ends -- to allow the air to circulate.

That may be a satisfying compromise to both of you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and have been a vegetarian for five years. I am trying to develop a thick skin when it comes to people who question or make fun of my choice, but I'm tired of laughing and letting the comments "roll off" my back.

When my grandfather sits near me at a family event, he will analyze my plate, look at me in disgust and then tell me, "Carrots have feelings, too."

When I go to a well-known sandwich shop, I order a basic and "boring" sandwich, which I really enjoy. The sandwich makers give me funny looks and ask, "That's all?" or, "You're spending five bucks on THIS?" followed by laughter or a shake of their heads. One even asked me if I was crazy!

I am tired of people questioning what I eat or what kind of sandwich I choose to spend my money on. I don't make comments or question those who eat meat. What is the best response to people who are so rude about my choices? -- HERBIVORE BY CHOICE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HERB: Sorry, there is no one-size-fits-all snappy one-liner. But take comfort in the fact that a growing number of people are choosing to avoid meat and poultry not only for the ethical reasons, but also because they prefer to avoid the hormones and antibiotics used in the production of these food products.

When someone comments or questions you, it's important to consider the source as well as the intent behind the remarks. Your grandfather may be trying to be humorous -- or he may be showing concern because he comes from a generation that didn't learn there can be benefits from a vegetarian diet. Because he's getting under your skin, rather than take the bait, sit next to some other relatives at family events.

As to the employee at the sandwich shop -- the person may be trying to "sell you up." After all, the more ingredients in your sandwich, the more expensive it will be. I completely agree that ridiculing a customer is not only bad manners but also bad for business -- and the next time it happens, do not hesitate to complain about it to the manager.

DEAR ABBY: For the last three years I have been dating a woman who, 15 years ago, divorced an Army colonel after 20 years of marriage. She loved the prestige of being an officer's wife.

There always seems to be a reason why she must mention her ex, no matter what the topic is. I finally told her it seemed like she missed him. Now, instead of saying his name, she says, "When we were in Germany, we did this ..." or, "When we lived in Idaho we used to ..." No matter what I say, she never fails to find a way to tell a story about life with her ex.

I am an Army vet and I cannot mention anything about the Army because if I do, she'll one-up me with yet another war story about him. And when we are together in public, she never misses a chance to disclose that we do not live together, and she always speaks in the singular regarding her plans.

Is her conduct an indication that she's unhappy with me? If not, what's going on? -- OVERSHADOWED IN SALEM, ORE.

DEAR OVERSHADOWED: Let's see. First of all, this woman is surprisingly insensitive to your feelings. Second, when people feel the need to "one-up" others, it usually stems from insecurity. Third, when a woman consistently points out that she and her companion of three years "don't live together" and speaks in the singular about her plans, it's a strong indication that she doesn't regard herself as part of a couple.

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Sam," is a senior in high school and has chosen a college that will suit his major. Now, all of a sudden, his girlfriend, "Amanda," has decided she wants to attend the same school. We'd like to discourage it because we know she's only going there to be close to our son. We feel she needs to get out on her own as much as Sam does.

Sam has tried to break up with her in the past, but she makes him feel guilty about breaking it off. We have talked to our son about her and her behavior. He is a bright kid, but seems not to be smart where Amanda is concerned.

Please help us figure out a way to make Sam understand the kind of position he's putting himself in. Amanda is needy and spoiled. She has never had to work for anything. Our son holds down two jobs and seems very independent -- so why is he coddling her? -- HELP NEEDED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HELP NEEDED: Sam may be emotional about Amanda, or just so soft-hearted he can't get past her guilt trips. Please remain calm, because college is almost a year away and a lot can happen between now and then. If Amanda's focus is on Sam and not her grades, although she may want to attend the same college, she may not be accepted for enrollment.

If she is, then your husband needs to have a man-to-man talk with Sam and point out that when he gets to college he is going to be exposed to many different experiences and people, that he's quickly going to grow emotionally and intellectually, and that is why it's important that he keeps his options open.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is I attract needy people. I don't have a problem setting boundaries. However, those boundaries are frequently crossed because the person is so self-absorbed that he/she "can't hear" me.

How does one draw the line with a complete stranger who wants to tell me her whole life story the first time we meet, and sucks away my energy and my time? I feel like the individual isn't even talking to me. She might as well be talking to herself or to a wall for all I care.

Abby, I do not want to continue being taken hostage by these kinds of people. I'm not interested in their lives or troubles. I have enough of my own. I don't want to be unkind, but I haven't found a way to protect myself from being forced to invest time in needy acquaintances with whom I do not wish to pursue a relationship. I am not a total (rhymes with witch), but I am definitely ... BAFFLED IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR BAFFLED: If I understand your description correctly, the type of person you describe is a "sapper." These are individuals who talk until they completely drain the energy from their "victim" -- not unlike vampires in Stephenie Meyer's novels.

An effective way to deal with a sapper is to stop the conversation. Explain that he or she has caught you at a time or place when it's inconvenient to talk, or tell the person you do not feel qualified to deal with their situation and refer them to a doctor, lawyer or therapist. Then walk away or end the phone call -- depending upon how they have "attached" themselves to you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend broke up with me, saying, "It's not me, it's you." If he meant it as a joke, I didn't feel like laughing. What should I have said to him? -- STUNG IN DENVER

DEAR STUNG: The best response is the one you probably gave him: "Goodbye!"