DEAR ABBY: I rent my own apartment and my family lives an hour's drive away. My boyfriend of one year, "Mac," lives about 10 minutes from me and spends the night a few times a week and vice-versa.

I got the flu last month and it developed into bronchitis. I was so sick I could barely drag myself out of bed. I asked Mac to come over and take care of me and he said, "No, I don't want to get sick. I'll come by when you're better."

Abby, if someone cares about you, don't you think he should help out -- maybe make some soup, give you water at your bedside and just be there in general? If Mac got sick like that, I would go over and take care of him. But he wasn't willing to do the same. He said he doesn't feel it is "his job."

I am upset by this. Is it an indication of how he would be if we got married? -- IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

DEAR IN SICKNESS: Yup. It appears Mac isn't the nurturing kind. However, if he has everything else you're looking for in a man, this needn't be a deal breaker. Instead of expecting him to intuit what you need, try telling him what you want. Example: "Send some soup over." "Please empty the trash." "Call an ambulance." You get the idea. If that doesn't do the trick, then scratch Mac.

DEAR ABBY: One of my bosses insists on using his speakerphone for conversations -- business and personal -- with his office door wide open. He speaks loudly, and both sides of the conversation can be clearly heard throughout the office. He also walks through the hallways with his cell on speakerphone.

Everyone who works here finds his behavior annoying and boorish. No one says anything, and he doesn't get the message when a chorus of doors slam shut each time he begins one of these calls or walks by with his cell phone blasting. Any ideas on how to address this issue? -- UNWILLING THIRD PARTY IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR UNWILLING: Is no one, including your boss's assistant, close enough to him to tell him that his loud phone conversations are distracting his employees and colleagues and offer to shut his door for him so he can have privacy? Most employers would prefer their workers and colleagues operate at maximum capacity, particularly in this economy.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between my wife and me. One of her co-workers, "Cassie," is eight months pregnant and also overweight. My wife saw her and said, "Wow, you've gotten as big as a house!"

Cassie told her she was hurt by the comment. In my wife's opinion, what she said is not uncommon when said to a pregnant woman and she thinks Cassie was overly sensitive. I believe the comment was inappropriate. What do you think? -- NEEDS A MEDIATOR, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR NEEDS A MEDIATOR: I agree with you. No one -- pregnant or not -- wants to be told she resembles an orca, and your wife should have kept her observation to herself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working at my current job for a couple of years. One of my co-workers, who is in another department and who I see a couple of times a week, calls me "Sue." My name is "Joyce."

He has been doing this for some time and I don't know how to correct him without embarrassing him. Any suggestions? -- POLITE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR POLITE: Try this. Tell him you have changed your name to Joyce -- that others are now using it and you'd appreciate it if he would, too. If he asks you the reason for the name change, say it's because all your life you have felt more like a Joyce than a Sue. (It's true.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy, "Omar," for eight months. He is considerate, compassionate, affectionate, intelligent and worldly. He's a good father and has a great sense of humor. Omar is any woman's dream, but I am not physically attracted to him. There's no chemistry, no electricity -- zilch!

I have tried to persevere, hoping my feelings would change. I feel like the woman who says she wants a good guy until she finds one.

I have struggled with why I don't have feelings for Omar. He adores me, but all I feel toward him is friendship. I have tried forcing myself, but at my age I want someone who is sexy, someone I can fall passionately in love with. Omar and I have wonderful times together, but I'm not receptive to his advances.

Should I keep trying, hoping things will change? Is 53 too old to still feel "gaga" over someone? -- SEARCHING FOR MORE IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR SEARCHING: Heck no! And I say that from personal experience.

Now, ask yourself how you would feel if you discovered that Omar wasn't really the person he has presented himself to be. Well, that's how this man will feel if you continue "faking it." Please stop giving him false hope where there isn't any. Level with him. He's the ideal man for someone else, and your Mr. Right may be just around the corner.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is 92. He has led an accomplished and rewarding life. He is also a careful man, concerned about posterity and he has written his own eulogy.

When he passes, I plan to offer some warm and loving remarks. Because he has already written his eulogy, would it be in poor taste to send him my remarks now to let him know how I feel about him? -- LOVING SON-IN-LAW IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOVING S-I-L: Not at all. When you do, send him a cover note saying, "I know you have written your eulogy, but I thought you might be interested to read what someone else has to say on the subject when that sad time comes. After all, the time to offer a compliment is when the recipient is around to enjoy it. Love, ..."

P.S. Don't be surprised if he sends it back with some suggested edits.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of civil rights martyr the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Sadly, he didn't live to see our first African-American president elected -- but I'm sure he's smiling. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: After an on-again off-again affair with a married man for almost 10 years, our relationship finally ended today.

During the time we "messed around," I lost most of my friends because we socialized in the same circles, and I felt ashamed of what I was doing, so I stopped going around with any of them. So here I sit, lonely and embarrassed.

How do I explain to people I meet why I don't have many friends? I know time heals, and I need to focus on the good things in my life and move forward, but I feel isolated and stupid.

I never asked him to leave his wife nor did he promise he would. It was just a one-night stand that went on way too long. I did have relationships in between, but I'd always go back to him.

Can you please give me some suggestions on how to rebuild my self-esteem and learn to love myself again? -- KICKING MYSELF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KICKING YOURSELF: Gladly. A giant step in the right direction would be to stop kicking yourself because you appear to be plenty bruised already. Then, instead of isolating yourself, get out and get busy: Join a gym. Scout out organizations where you can volunteer.

No one will know whether you have dozens of friends or only a few -- and don't volunteer the information because it's no one's business.

Take a class or two. Join a church if you feel you need spiritual guidance. And make a vow never to involve yourself with a married man again.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a veterinarian, and I would appreciate it if you would please print some "tips" for pet owners to make their visits go more smoothly.

1. When you call for an appointment, please give us YOUR name. Do not say, "This is Fluffy's mother," because we care for 23 cute, cuddly cats named Fluffy and also a couple of Pomeranians.

2. Always have your dog on a leash and your cat in a cat carrier. If you don't own one, place him/her in a cardboard box taped firmly shut. Cats are more secure in an enclosed space, so it will be calmer during the visit. Loose cats can bolt at the sight of a strange person or pet and become injured, or even dash out an open door.

3. Please do not bring your other pets along "for company." It is distracting for you and also for the pet who is being seen. Also, it's important that you be able to fully concentrate on everything the doctor has to say.

4. Please do NOT offer advice to others who are waiting.

5. DO ask us about anything you're curious or worried about. We have heard it all and won't be shocked, embarrassed or think you are "dumb." It is our job to make sure you are comfortable and knowledgeable about your pet. Feel free to tell us the funny thing he did this week, or how she comforted you. We love to hear about our "patients." -- FRONT DESK LADY

DEAR LADY: I hope my readers with pets will take your intelligent suggestions to heart. And I'm betting that your list of "tips" will be posted in veterinary practices far and wide. Thank you for sending them.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY: "My divorce was messy because there was a child involved. My husband." (Wendy Liebman)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)