DEAR ABBY: I have chosen to celebrate my children's birthdays with family and one friend. I want my children to understand early on that birthdays are not about getting loads of gifts, but to celebrate life with family. We are invited to many parties for their friends and classmates, but I have always chosen to attend only those of our close friends.

I find it disheartening to watch children these days rip into a bunch of gifts and toss them aside without saying thank you or even commenting on the gift. It's all about the next package and the volume.

Because of this, I'm considering no longer giving a gift but making a donation to a charity in honor of the birthday boy or girl instead. But I'm worried about the reaction I'll get from friends. On the other hand, I feel much better about donating to a worthwhile charity instead of another toy for children who already have so much these days. Is a donation appropriate instead of a gift? -- WONDERING IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR WONDERING: Your sentiments are noble, but your teaching method is heavy-handed and I don't recommend it. If the children are in grammar school, a donation in their name to a charity will go over like a lead balloon.

Teach your children proper manners by explaining how to practice them and setting a good example. By preventing them from interacting socially with their friends and classmates, you are slowing down their socialization and isolating them.

Because you prefer that your children not receive "loads of gifts," when you plan their birthday celebrations, explain your philosophy to your family and your one friend and also to your children. Then let your kids choose a charity and request that attendees bring an item to be donated. That way all the children can enjoy themselves and learn the satisfaction that comes from helping others at the same time.

DEAR ABBY: My mother -- who is 50 -- divorced her husband about a year ago. I fully supported her through the divorce, but now I am beginning to regret it. I feel as if I have been taking the place of my father when, at 22, I should be finding my way and exploring the world.

I hate myself for feeling this way because I love my mother. I want her to be happy, but she does not try to meet new people or make friends. I find myself staying at home so she won't be alone, and I know I'm missing out. Should I talk to my mother about this? -- DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR DAUGHTER: Yes. Do it now, before resentment builds and you reach the point where you say something you'll regret. Do it when you are both in a relaxed mood and won't be interrupted.

Explain that you are worried about her and because she is now a free woman it's time for her to develop new interests and meet new people. Encourage her to get out, be active, join social or charitable groups, take classes -- ANYTHING but sit at home alone.

And stop making yourself so available for mother-sitting. You are young and you have a right to a life. You'll be doing both you and your mom a favor if you stop allowing her to be so emotionally dependent upon you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday, I attended a church service, and the woman and her adult daughter seated behind me would not shut their mouths. All I could hear was the two of them catching up on the week's gossip. The 5-year-old granddaughter also talked the whole time.

I scooted as far over in the pew as possible to avoid hearing the conversation.

I go to church for peace, quiet and reflection, and it's frustrating to hear constant chatter. I'm glad they come to church, but I wish their idea of "fellowship" extended beyond visiting with each other.

Would it be rude to turn around and ask these people to be quiet? -- PRAYING FOR SILENCE, MOUNT VERNON, OHIO

DEAR PRAYING: No. How else will they know they're creating a distraction? This happens in other venues besides church, and by that I'm referring to movie theaters and theaters where actors are performing. It's not only rude and thoughtless, but can be infuriating.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a guy, "Ryan," I like very much. He invites me to his family's house for dinner often, and this is where the problem lies.

I eat everything his mom cooks for us and I thank her for it, but she constantly tries to get me to eat more. It has reached the point where she flat-out tells me, "You need to eat more of my food. You didn't have a large enough serving." Even though I am already full, I wind up stuffing myself because I feel guilty, and then I'm uncomfortable.

I don't want to eat there anymore to avoid overeating or making Ryan's mom feel bad. However, I know it means a lot to him that I go. How should I handle her constant badgering? -- STUFFED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STUFFED: Ryan's mother may be well-meaning, but a polite hostess does not pressure a guest in her home the way she does. Have a private chat with Ryan. Tell him plainly how uncomfortable his mother's badgering makes you feel. If he can't put a stop to it, the next time his mother gives you a hard time, try this: Tell her you are stuffed and ask if you can please take home a doggie bag because her cooking is so delicious.

DEAR ABBY: I was poking around your Web site recently, and while looking through the archives I read your columns featuring names for people in various professions like the urologist named Dr. Leake and the dentist named Dr. Payne.

I have a suggestion for a fun sequel: How about a list of appropriate car models for different professions -- real or made up? I'll offer a few: The president of American Express driving a Dodge Charger, or an airline pilot driving a Honda Pilot, and -- of course -- the proctologist who travels everywhere in his Ford Probe.

I'll bet your readers can come up with a bunch. -- JAMES H., LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR JAMES H.: I'm sure they're up to the challenge. Allow me to suggest a few: The tailor driving a Dodge Dart, the estate planner behind the wheel of his Subaru Legacy and, of course, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in their matching Volkswagen Beatles.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you in October and received your personal reply. I'm the girl whose dad was murdered, and I was looking for a support group. You referred me to the National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, which provides mutual support to persons who have survived the violent death of someone close (www.pomc.org).

I have a little "upper" for you now. We all know about the letters you have printed about Pennies from Heaven, but I don't know if there ever has been one like this.

My dad always wore a gold cross around his neck. He never, ever took it off, so naturally I asked the funeral director to have him shown in it but asked that it be removed before the burial.

Well, lo and behold, it was nowhere to be found. So we called everywhere we could think of to locate it and ended up thinking that somewhere along the way from his being killed, taken to the ER, to autopsy, to the funeral home, it had been lost forever.

A few days before Christmas, we found it! It was in a box of pennies my dad had collected. He must have taken it off before he left that night because he had been seen in it earlier that day.

We all believe in miracles, and this is my very own Christmas miracle. Thank you, Abby, for everything you do for so many of us who are suffering. I love you. -- SARAH

DEAR SARAH: Thank you for your kind letter. It touched my heart as I know it will the hearts of my readers. I don't know when your father removed his cross, but take comfort in knowing he left it to bring you solace, and I hope that it serves its purpose. I love you, too.

DEAR ABBY: I have a great job working with people I enjoy, and probably the coolest boss in the world. There is just one little problem. He keeps asking me to go out with his daughter.

She is a wonderful person, smart and absolutely beautiful -- but she is also recently divorced. I'm afraid I would just be the "in-between" guy for her -- a stepping-stone to her recovery. In other words, whatever happens would be at my expense.

How can I politely tell my boss that I cannot date his daughter? -- REALIST IN UTAH

DEAR REALIST: Tell him you are flattered, that you think his daughter is smart and absolutely beautiful and a wonderful person. Then tell him you know how painful a divorce can be and you would prefer to wait until she is emotionally back on her feet and has gotten her bearings before inviting her out.

Do not completely reject the idea because in six months or a year, if she is still available, you may change your mind.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a dispute with my husband. He thinks that you screw in a lightbulb clockwise. I disagree. I say counter-clockwise. Which of us is correct? -- ERIKA IN PELHAM, ALA.

DEAR ERIKA: He is. You screw in a lightbulb by turning it to the right, the same way you tighten the lid on a jar -- which is clockwise. The mnemonic for this is: "Right is tight; left is loose."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)