DEAR ABBY: I have been married nine years, but moved to my own apartment two months ago. I'm 35; my husband, "Art," is 51. Our marriage was fine until two years ago, when he became depressed over his job and we started fighting. He didn't want to do anything, including have sex, and he quit his job. I paid the bills until he started a new job, but he became depressed again. Then he started drinking. We talked, we cried and stormed. Art refused counseling and wouldn't stop drinking. Our fights were verbal, but I was afraid if I stayed they'd escalate and I'd be physically hurt. That's when I moved.

Art now has a job he likes. He has cut back on his drinking and is the sweet, loving man I married. He wants to reconcile. He says he was depressed and thinks the difference in our ages excuses the fact that I am sexual and he isn't -- and that I want to go places and do things, but he doesn't.

I am confused. I miss the "good" us. I love my husband and don't want anyone else, but I'm afraid to go back. If I give up my apartment and he gets depressed with his new job, I'll be in a situation I won't be able to get out of. On the one hand, I think we deserve another chance. On the other, I don't want to feel like I'm 100 years old when I'm only 35. Any advice would be appreciated. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: Agree to go back only after you and your husband have had at least six months of professional couples counseling. The combination of depression, drinking, your age difference and his chronic job dissatisfaction all need to be fully addressed, or your relationship will never be healed.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is addicted to her cell phone. Whenever we're out together it's impossible to converse with her because she always has one or two text conversations going on.

The first thing I hear in the morning is her phone buzzing, notifying her of an incoming text. The last thing I hear at night is her sending a good-night message to one of her friends. If no texts are coming in, she plays games on her phone even if we're watching TV or if company is over.

I have told her it's making me crazy, but she won't stop. The constant clicking drives me up the wall. I feel as though I have lost my wife to her phone. Am I being overly sensitive? What do I do? -- CLICK-CRAZY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CLICK-CRAZY: Your wife's behavior does appear to be obsessive. You need to figure out whether she's using her cell phone to avoid an intimate relationship with you, or whether she really has developed an addiction to the device. Because the "last thing you hear at night" isn't an affectionate comment directed to you, but rather something being "clicked" to a friend -- it may be the former.

To find out if she's addicted, offer her a challenge. Tell her you feel the cell phone is interfering with your relationship. If she denies it, suggest she stop using it. If she can't put it down for an agreed-upon period of time, persuade her in a loving way to admit she needs help. The good news is treatment is available for this kind of compulsive disorder once she has been diagnosed by a mental health professional.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Kent," and I enjoy entertaining. We often throw birthday parties for friends, as well as holiday parties and dinners and barbecues during the summer. The problem is, whenever we receive an invitation to attend a gathering at someone else's home, Kent responds with, "Ask them to come here." I think this is rude because our friends are just reciprocating.

This issue came up twice last week. When I asked Kent why he doesn't like to go to our friends' homes, he says he prefers to entertain in his own house. I don't think it is good manners to ask a host to move the party to our home.

Incidentally, when we do go, Kent always enjoys himself, so it's not social anxiety, and he's definitely not shy. Would you tell me if I'm making too much of this? -- EMBARRASSED IN ALASKA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't think so. While your husband's impulse to host the party might seem generous the first few times the offer is extended -- after a while the burden of gratitude can hang heavy and destroy friendships. That's why it is important for people to be able to reciprocate -- and for others to allow them to.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for four years. I told him I am ready to end our relationship if he isn't ready to get married within the next year.

Two months ago, he gave me a beautiful 2 1/2-carat diamond ring and announced to family and friends that we are engaged. He has not discussed any wedding plans, but he says the wedding will be within the time frame I am asking for.

I went to a jeweler today to have the band on my ring enlarged a bit and was told that my stone is not a real diamond. Abby, this man owns his own business and is wealthy! He spends thousands on golf trips every year and just spent a great deal of money on high-end house furnishings.

My head is spinning. I am embarrassed to tell anyone of this fraud. What is your take on this? Do I confront him? Am I fooling myself thinking that this man truly wants to marry me? -- DUMBFOUNDED OR JUST DUMB? IN FLORIDA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My "take" on this is that your fiance was trying to pull a fast one. If he would behave this way about your engagement ring, what else would he be less than honest about in the future?

Whether you "confront" him or not depends upon how you define the word. If it were me, I'd remain calm, tell him what I'd learned and how, listen to what he had to say and take my cue from that.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that a nice thing to do on Valentine's Day is to go to a veteran's hospital to visit the veterans who are there -- especially those from World War II, whose numbers are dwindling. The wards generally have parties going on for them. Try to attend. You'll find a group of very appreciative people there. -- SERVICE OFFICER, AMERICAN LEGION POST IN MAINE

DEAR OFFICER: Thank you for a terrific suggestion. Valentine's Day -- with all the marketing that goes with it -- can be one of the most depressing days of the year for singles. A sure way to keep the blues away is to do something nice for someone else. What you're proposing not only fits that category, but also provides a way to meet other generous-hearted people. What better way to spend this coming Sunday afternoon?

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and live most of the year on my college campus. I'm on a full scholarship, so my parents are not paying my tuition. Most of my mail -- bank statements, etc. -- still goes to my parents' house since I don't have a permanent address.

For the last two years, my mother has opened my bank statement and read the entire thing. She then calls me and goes through all of my card charges and checks, and asks me to explain where I was and what I bought.

I have tried telling her that I am an adult and that what I buy is my business, but she continues to do this every month. When I explained that I am capable of managing my own finances, she told me she was just worried about me and that "a mother ALWAYS has the right to worry about her only child."

I understand she will always be concerned about my well-being, financial and otherwise, but this is taking it too far. How can I explain to her that it's not OK to invade my privacy? I know she means well, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it's really becoming a hassle. -- COLLEGE CO-ED IN WILLIAMSBURG, VA.

DEAR COLLEGE CO-ED: A mother may always have the right to worry, but she does not always have the right to snoop. Because you have already tried explaining to her that you feel what she's doing is an invasion of privacy and the message isn't getting through, it's time for you to open a post office box near the campus and have your mail sent there. It can be forwarded to you if you go home for the summers.

DEAR ABBY: After my mother died two years ago, my sisters and I divided up her household items, parceling out equally objects of material and sentimental value. One item, which went to my younger sister, "Beth," was a brightly colored handmade Native American rug our parents bought in the 1950s in Arizona. It had been displayed prominently for decades on a wall in the house where we three children grew up.

I visited Beth recently and was shocked to see that she had taken the rug out of storage and was using it as a floor rug in her family room. I shuddered to think of the damage that a daily trample by her three little kids, she and her husband and a sadly incontinent dog will do to this family treasure. I politely asked her to reconsider and find somewhere else to display it. If she couldn't, I offered to trade it for something of her choice from my parcel of the family possessions.

Beth took offense, reminding me that it is, after all, a rug, and that it now belongs to her. Emphasizing that her small house has limited wall space, she implied that I was trying to get the rug for myself. She feels my desire to see it displayed is no more valid than hers to see it used. Am I wrong in thinking she should not trash this heirloom? -- SENTIMENTAL IN HARTFORD, CONN.

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: The rug belongs to your sister, to do with as she pleases. HOWEVER, her Native American rug purchased in the 1950s could be extremely valuable. Has your sister had it appraised? If not, I am urging you to tell her to have it done, because it could pay for a year or two of one of her children's college education.

DEAR ABBY: "Katy" and I are in a loving relationship but have an ongoing argument in our home. Katy always sets the alarm clock for an hour before it's time to get up -- then hits the "snooze" button five times before actually dragging herself out of bed (which is usually even later).

Because I am a light sleeper, I'm forced to listen to the alarm clock and end up waking up earlier than I'd like. Can you please offer a solution? -- SLEEPLESS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Earplugs for you. A cold foot on the behind for Katy.