DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two children, ages 13 and 6. Our older son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last year. Because of this, we must carefully watch everything he eats. We're struggling to deal with it, but lately we have other issues we need help with.

We were out one evening and our younger son wanted ice cream. My husband told him he couldn't have any because it would be unfair to his brother. I, in turn, said that it's not fair to punish the younger one. This has become a huge deal for us lately. Can you tell us who is right, and what's the best way to handle this? -- TRYING TO BE FAIR IN HAWAII

DEAR TRYING TO BE FAIR: This is something you should discuss with your older son's doctor. It is my understanding that years ago, diabetes was treated more with diet. But with the advent of glucose meters and better insulin, most people with Type 1 diabetes, while trying to eat healthfully, do not completely deprive themselves of treats but accommodate them by adjusting their level of insulin. If your husband refuses to budge on the "treats" issue, then your younger child should be given something else to compensate.

The American Diabetes Association offers a free kit that can be sent to you. It can be ordered by calling 1-800-342-2383 or logging onto www.diabetes.org/families. The kit contains a parents' guide, a card game for your kids, a paperback book, "The Diabetes Dictionary: What Every Person With Diabetes Needs to Know," and more.

If you haven't already done so, please contact the ADA. It will be a terrific resource for you, your husband and your son in managing his diabetes, as well as keeping peace in your household.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I threw a party for which we hired a bartender, so we could spend more time with our guests.

We figured that, in addition to his hourly rate, we would tip him at the end of the night. Without consulting us, the man placed a plastic cup out for our guests to tip him. My wife was appalled and demanded that he remove it. He actually argued with her, but finally put the tip cup away.

My wife and I asked friends to weigh in on the subject. The men had no problem with the practice, while every woman found it offensive. Were we too harsh? Should a bartender at a private, in-home party be allowed to solicit tips from the guests? -- BAR NONE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BAR NONE: Absolutely not! When you hired this person, all the details should have been agreed to in advance -- and if the compensation your bartender was being offered wasn't satisfactory, he should have refused the job.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married six years and have two wonderful children. Lately, my mother-in-law has made several comments in front of family members suggesting that one of our kids bears no resemblance to my husband -- implying that I have been unfaithful.

At first, I took it as a joke. Now I'm wondering if she really believes it. My husband isn't concerned, but I wonder if I should set her straight. What would you suggest? -- NO LAUGHING MATTER

DEAR N.L.M.: I would suggest you set your mother-in-law straight. To say that her remarks are tasteless is an understatement. Either she has a warped sense of humor or she has been watching too many soap operas. Talk with her privately and, if necessary, offer to have both your children DNA-tested to prove their "authenticity." That may be the only way to stop her snide remarks once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married five months, and a problem has come up. It's my wife's 20-year-old son, "Danny." He uses drugs, and he does it in our house. He also allows the garbage to pile up in his room to the point that the stench invades the entire house.

We have had to install locks on all the internal doors because Danny steals from us. He also has his girlfriend and drug-using cousin over for "sleepovers."

Last night I was so upset I told my wife I was tired of the drugs and the filth, and if Danny doesn't straighten out, I am going to turn him in to the authorities. My wife now barely speaks to me, and she's making me feel like I'm the enemy. Was I wrong to put my foot down? -- CONFLICTED IN ST. JOE, MO.

DEAR CONFLICTED: Not in my book. Danny appears to be an addict living the lifestyle of an addict, which includes stealing and hanging around with others who use drugs. The garbage may be piling up because he's so stoned he doesn't notice.

I don't know how long you all have been living like this, but if you married your wife under these circumstances, she may expect you to continue to tolerate it.

As long as she allows her son to use drugs and live the way he is, nothing will change. Please recognize that your wife is her son's enabler. A loving mother should insist that he get help and clean up his act. What you must decide is whether you're willing to live like this for the rest of your life, because you can't change this lady and her son. Only they can do that, and they do not appear inclined to do so.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old son, Perry, is autistic and loves to say "Good morning" to people when we're out -- no matter what time of day it is. It surprises me how many people will not reply. Why is that?

Would it be so difficult to just say something in return? Have we become lost in cell phones, iPods and other electronic devices to the extent that we have forgotten how to be polite?

You never know when a simple "good morning" will make someone happy -- and you might even find yourself smiling more. -- PARENT OF A SPECIAL CHILD

DEAR PARENT: Your child's disability may make some of the people he's greeting uncomfortable. Because the greeting is not appropriate, they may be unsure how to respond. It's sad, because it only takes a moment to say, "Hi," and the validation would give your son a jolt of pleasure.

If, however, you are disappointed because your son is getting no response from individuals who are using their cell phones, please know you're a member of a very large club. I hear the same complaint from mothers, fathers and grandparents who would also like a little courtesy from distracted relatives who are too absorbed in their cell phones, iPods and Blackberrys to make eye contact or converse.

DEAR ABBY: With today's economic woes, more and more people are out of work. I was lucky to find a job only three months after relocating to California, and I'm working with a wonderful group of people.

At the end of the year, holiday bonuses were given out. To my surprise, I was given one. In addition, I was given five days of paid holiday strictly on the company. Would it be appropriate to write a thank-you note to the president of the company? I'm truly grateful to have this job. -- GRATEFUL EMPLOYEE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRATEFUL: A thank-you note is always appreciated. Not only would it be appropriate, but it's also an intelligent and diplomatic way of calling attention to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and baby-sit regularly for a family on my street. The kids are well-behaved and enjoy it when I go there to watch them. My problem is their mother never gives me notice when she needs me. She'll ask if I can baby-sit that day, or even worse, that moment. Sometimes she'll just say something vague like, "Sometime later today -- I'll let you know when I need you."

I love the kids and enjoy looking after them, but I do not appreciate their mother's inconsiderate behavior. How should I deal with her next "request"? -- SEETHING SITTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR SEETHING: The next time the woman calls at the last minute, tell her you're sorry, but you already have something scheduled, and when she needs you to baby-sit to please give you more notice so you won't disappoint her. And if she isn't definite about what time she wants you to be there, tell her you need to know NOW so you can make any arrangements you need to.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were recently invited to a friend's home for a screening of a movie in their home theater. About 15 other guests were also in attendance. We arrived on time and chose our seats by leaving our coats on them, then joined the other guests for pre-movie socializing.

When we returned to the room to watch the film, we found that a college-age couple had tossed our things aside and taken our seats.

Because there were no other seats together, we told them the coats were ours and that we had placed them on the seats for a reason. The couple left.

Later, another couple mentioned that they thought we had overstepped our bounds -- that we should have said nothing because this was a private home. I had always been taught that one could set one's items down, and that it indicated that seats were spoken for. Were we in the wrong? -- WONDERING IN COLUMBUS

DEAR WONDERING: Everybody was "in the wrong." The young couple should not have moved your things and grabbed your seats. Because you were all guests in a private home, you and your wife should have taken what seats were available. (I mean, would it have killed you to sit apart for a couple of hours?) And last, the couple who corrected you should have kept their mouths shut.

DEAR ABBY: I have a special needs daughter who is currently on a waiting list for a service dog. She has been moved to the priority list, and I'm hoping she will receive her dog within the next two months.

While I'm thrilled about the opportunities the dog will provide her, it has also raised a concern. What do I say when people ask what her disability is?

I know that legally no one is allowed to ask that question -- per the Americans With Disabilities Act -- and I would have no problem telling nosy strangers to keep their questions to themselves. But there are people -- like my co-workers and my daughter's classmates -- whom we can't avoid.

If you see my daughter on good days, you might not notice anything "different," although she has a number of significant health and emotional issues. What is the correct way to respond to the honest questions without revealing my daughter's medical history to people who have no need to know? -- MOM IN IOWA

DEAR MOM: Always be polite, but do not allow yourself to be pressured into giving specifics. Respond by saying, "Oh, I don't want to bore you -- the dog helps my daughter." Then change the subject.