DEAR ABBY: I love my wife very much. I like giving her back rubs, massaging her feet, cuddling and kissing her. In return she does the same -- to her dog, "Barkley."

Barkley is the only one who benefits from her affections. The dog does nothing for me except allow me to pick up his droppings. What am I missing? -- DOGGONE PUZZLED IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR DOGGONE PUZZLED: What you are missing is something called "reciprocation." And your wife is missing how resentful you are beginning to feel because of it. If you haven't already done so, "Speak!" to your wife about it and tell her you need some of those demonstrations of affection aimed in your direction -- or someone's going to wind up in the doghouse, and it won't be Barkley.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brian," has a terminal illness and only a few months more to live. We have been married four years. I fell out of love with him shortly after our wedding, and now he's sick. I'm his only caregiver.

Abby, sometimes I don't want to do it anymore. He has treated me badly and sometimes I hate him, but I want our 2-year-old daughter to know her father and have good memories. She can tell I'm not myself.

I know Brian has only a little time left, but I also know we would be happier and saner with him gone. I try to keep her away from him as much as I can because he goes off on her, too. I know my husband is angry because he's dying, but he has always been angry and had a bad temper. I try to be positive for our child, but it's difficult when you're being put down or ordered around all the time. What can I do? Just hang in there until it's over? I'm confused, lost, depressed, and I cry all the time. Please help. -- WANTS OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS OUT: Please accept my sympathy. What you're experiencing is the most difficult of life's transitions -- painful, exhausting, sometimes thankless. But for your sake, please don't give up now. Once this is over you will emerge stronger, more confident -- and knowing you did your best and fulfilled your wedding vows to the very end.

Although you feel alone right now, you are experiencing what many other caregivers do when dealing with a loved one who is dying. Because you feel isolated, you might benefit from contacting the Family Caregiver Alliance. Its toll-free telephone number is 800-445-8106; the Web site is www.caregiver.org.

DEAR ABBY: When I started dating this guy, "Mitch," everything was great. We were happy and made each other laugh. After three months, he left me a message saying he had to go out of state for work and would call when he got to where he was going. All I got was silence. Days turned into weeks and eventually into five months. Even though I loved Mitch and he had claimed he loved me, I started to accept that things were over between us.

Just as I was getting over him, he called. He told me he still loves me and is sorry he hurt me. Something does not add up. He doesn't have a cell phone, so there's no way to reach him. When I call him at the number he gave me, he's never there. I care for him, but something is not sitting well. What should I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN BATH, PA.

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Pay attention to your intuition, which is trying to tell you that Mitch is a magician. Having pulled one disappearing act on you, he is likely to perform another. When a man isn't where he says he'll be, the odds are that he is either married or involved with someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently passed away. She and Dad were married 52 happy years. Over the years, Mom received a few Christmas cards from "Linda," my brother's girlfriend 30 years ago.

Dad found Linda's address and let her know about Mom's passing. Now he says he and Linda have become good friends. Dad says they're "only friends" and Linda is someone he can talk to. We are very upset about whatever relationship they have. My brother and I and our children want to be the ones to comfort Dad and be comforted by him. It has been only two months since Mom's death.

He talks to Linda about everything. They have even discussed the details of Mom's grave marker. Linda says Dad is the father she never had. (Her father is still living.) I confronted Dad about it, and we had a huge argument. Are we wrong and insensitive for disapproving of his closeness with this woman? -- FALLING APART IN TEXAS

DEAR FALLING APART: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. You and your brother and children may want to be the ones to comfort your father (and be comforted by him), but what he may feel he needs right now is someone he can talk to who is not emotionally involved and doesn't need comforting.

You didn't do anything wrong, but please remember that you are all grieving right now, and when people are grieving, their emotions are raw. This situation will work itself out in time, but until it does, please remember that your father can talk to whomever he pleases.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 13 years and have two children, 7 and 9. About a year ago, my 41-year-old husband befriended an 11-year-old neighbor girl, "Lacey." Lacey is charming, friendly and plays with my children.

I like her and her family, but I'm bothered that she and my husband have a relationship that seems questionable to me and his friends. Lacey texts him daily, to which he quickly responds. They have conversations in our driveway, and they text each other constantly at neighborhood socials even though they're in the same room.

I have told my husband I am concerned and that it may be an unhealthy relationship, but he becomes angry and insulted and says it's an innocent friendship. Others have also voiced their concerns to him because they see the same things I do. On the other hand, her parents think the friendship is innocent.

Abby, am I overreacting? Should I view it as an innocent friendship, or could there really be a problem? -- WORRIED WIFE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED: I don't think you're overreacting in light of the fact that other adults are picking up on the "vibes" and making comments. I find it of concern that Lacey doesn't have playmates her own age. It appears she has a crush on your husband, and he finds it flattering and is encouraging her.

While the conversations in the driveway may be completely innocent, the idea that they are texting each other makes me uncomfortable. My advice is to have a frank talk with Lacey's mother and express your concerns, because while what's going on may be innocent, it is not appropriate. The older male figure in her life should be her father.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

PAINFUL TRUTH OF MARRIAGE

DEAR ABBY: The other day I asked my husband a question and told him to be honest. If given a choice between giving up wine or giving up sex with me, which would he choose?

You guessed it. He said, "Giving up sex with you." I think I knew the answer before I asked the question, but hearing it out loud devastated me.

I know every woman wants to be No. 1 in her husband's life. Am I wrong to feel so heartbroken? -- LOST THE BATTLE TO CHARDONNAY

DEAR LOST THE BATTLE: Not at all, particularly if you prefer sex to a full-bodied Cabernet. But now it's time for a follow-up question: "Why?" If sex with you is less interesting to your mate than his vino, he may have an alcohol problem. Or the problem may lie in your bedroom.

One thing is certain: When you asked your question, you "uncorked" the fact that there's a serious problem in your marriage. And now you have an opportunity to do something about it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is constantly passing gas. She does not care where she is or who is around. I have worked in the trucking industry for almost 30 years and never ran across anyone as flatulent as she is.

She is young and attractive, but there is nothing less appealing than feeling "frisky," getting into bed and hearing the trumpet sounds. I have recommended she see a doctor, but she laughs it off and says, "Everyone does it."

I can't believe I'm the only one with this problem. I could really use some "sound" advice, Abby. -- BLOWN AWAY IN ALLIANCE, OHIO

DEAR BLOWN AWAY: Everyone may do "it," but perhaps not to the extent that your wife does. There are over-the-counter products that can lessen the problem, which may be related to her diet. However, if her flatulence persists, then I'm recommending you not let your wife "laugh off" the idea of consulting a physician, because her problem could be a symptom of something that needs to be checked out -- and that's no joke.

DEAR ABBY: Our driveway is directly across from our neighbor's dining room window. The only curtain open in their entire house is this one. Since they always sit at this window, they can observe who pulls in and out, what groceries are brought in and how many times we leave.

They make comments like, "I see you had pizza last night," or, "What did you buy at 'Such and Such' store?" This has caused a strain on our relationship with them.

I know they have a right to open whatever curtains they want in their own house, but what about the invasion of our privacy? -- PEEVED BY THE PEEPERS, JOHNSTOWN, PA.

DEAR PEEVED: Apparently what's going on in your driveway is better than what's on television. Because you can't change your neighbors, you're going to have to find the humor in this situation and change the way you react. They may be trying to make conversation because there's nothing else going on in their lives. And their curiosity might turn out to be a blessing one day if someone tries to enter your home in your absence.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)