DEAR ABBY: I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing -- the ladies' locker room.

I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don't think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.

In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don't want to stop using the locker room because it's convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows? -- MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.

DEAR MISS M.: Women in various stages of nudity are not a "peep show." They are par for the course in women's locker rooms everywhere. And yes, there is something you can do: As you pass through on your way in and out, keep your eyes modestly downcast. That way, at most, you will see only a few naked toes. Or visit the gym during hours when the place is not so busy.

DEAR ABBY: I am stationed in Iraq. My husband is home taking care of our two teenagers -- a 16-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl.

My daughter has had several sleepovers at her friends'. On two separate occasions, the mothers allowed the girls to dye their hair. They did this without first consulting my husband.

Am I old-fashioned, or isn't this something a parent should decide for a 14-year-old? Did the other parents think that it was OK since I wasn't home to disapprove?

My husband is doing an excellent job of parenting while I am deployed, and he would never have allowed her to dye her hair. How should we handle this type of situation? -- MOM ON DUTY IN IRAQ

DEAR MOM: Your husband should have told the adults plainly the first time it happened that he objected to the dye job. Since that didn't happen, please remain calm and remember that it's only hair -- which will grow out. And now that you know the parents of your daughter's friends lack judgment, any sleepovers she attends should be in your home until your return from overseas.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are discussing being married at the courthouse before our actual wedding ceremony -- months in advance. Our reason is he will finish graduate school and needs a place to stay -- or else it's back home.

The second reason is, if we live in separate households, it will create two sets of household bills. Under one roof we can share the expenses and save ourselves an ample amount of money to put toward our actual ceremony and honeymoon.

This is our first marriage and, we hope, our last. We want to make it a memorable one. Does this make sense, and if so, how should we approach our potential guests about our plans to "tie the knot"? -- TO DO OR NOT TO DO IN ALABAMA

DEAR T.D. OR NOT T.D.: The way to handle it is to be open and aboveboard. Let your friends -- and extended family -- know that you plan to be married quietly in a civil ceremony at the courthouse and have a formal renewal of vows, complete with gown, religious blessing, etc. to which they will be invited to share your joy several months later.

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DEAR ABBY: In March of last year, I saw your column about the upcoming World Kidney Day when the National Kidney Foundation would offer free screenings around the country through their Kidney Early Evaluation Program (KEEP). You encouraged your readers to find the location of their local KEEP screenings, so I did -- figuring I had nothing to lose.

Well, my lab tests from the KEEP screening showed that my kidneys had not been properly filtering toxins from my body. Armed with those test results I made an appointment with my doctor. She had never checked my kidney function before. Once she saw the results of my kidney function tests were low, she suggested major diet and exercise changes and took me off two medications she suspected were too much for my kidneys to handle.

Today, I feel great. My blood pressure is normal, my weight is 30 pounds lighter and my kidney function is continually improving. What a blessing that I read your column that day, Abby, and went to the KEEP screening before it was too late. If I hadn't, I could be on dialysis, waiting for a kidney transplant or, worse, not here at all. -- CAROL ANN JOHNSON, INDEPENDENCE, MO.

DEAR CAROL ANN: I am pleased that an item you saw in my column was so helpful. I hope your experience encourages other readers to look for the KEEP screenings in their local areas this year.

Readers, this year World Kidney Day is being held on Thursday, March 11. On that day the National Kidney Foundation will once again hold screenings all over the U.S. for those at risk. This includes anyone who has high blood pressure, diabetes or a family history of those conditions or kidney disease.

Those of you who would like more information regarding kidney disease and free screenings should log onto www.kidney.org.

DEAR ABBY: I don't think I have a recessive personality, yet I constantly find myself in conversations with people who appear to have no interest in what I have to say. Regardless of the subject, I am never able to finish what I want to say before the other person interrupts with his/her own "more important" story.

An example: I said, "My mother-in-law came to visit last night ..." Before I could get the next word out, someone started talking about an incident she suffered through with her M-I-L. She continued on for more than five minutes.

Another time, during an hour-long lunch with a girlfriend, she spent 45 minutes (I timed her) talking about herself. And then there's my co-worker who spent seven minutes of a conference we had for a project we shared discussing the project, and the rest talking about herself.

Am I expecting too much to be heard, respected, empathized with and supported by people I consider close friends and associates? What can I do to remedy this? -- LET ME FINI ...

DEAR LET ME: Your problem is that you are not assertive enough. A way to remedy the situation would be to interrupt the interrupter by saying immediately, "Excuse me -- I am still talking," and finish your story. And as to a colleague blathering on about herself during the discussion that was supposed to be about your project -- you should have said, "Oh, I'd love to chat. But right now I have too much work to do. Bye!"

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DEAR ABBY: I lost my mom to cancer several months ago. She made my sister and me promise not to let her die in a hospital, but the night of her death we decided to put her in hospice. She needed care 24/7, and although we and Mom's companion were taking turns in shifts, the stress had taken a heavy toll. Mom died three hours after we made our decision.

We also promised to bury her because she didn't want cremation. However, we realized that we couldn't afford the price of a funeral so we convinced Mom to be cremated. Part of it was financial, but also, neither my sister nor I plan to stay here.

Abby, Mom had two wishes at the end of her life, and I wasn't able to fulfill either one. She had no life insurance, and the financial responsibilities my sister and I have made it impossible.

Now I'm having second thoughts. Was I wrong? Should you grant your parents their final wishes? I'm seeing a counselor about this, but would like your thoughts. I'm afraid we forced Mom into accepting cremation. Will the guilt ever go away? -- GRIEVING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR GRIEVING: Before I answer that question, let me commend you for seeking counseling. Sometimes it is simply not possible to grant a dying person's final wishes. Because caring for your mother was taking a toll on your health, it was necessary to ensure that she received the care she needed before any of you buckled under the stress. As to your discussing the necessity for cremation with her, I'm sure she recognized that you were right or she wouldn't have agreed.

Will the "guilt" ever go away? Yes, but only when you are finally ready to recognize that guilt can be part of the grieving process and let it go. You have done nothing wrong. Talking about this with your therapist is the surest way to work it through.

DEAR ABBY: My 69-year-old widowed mother, my younger sister, "Lia," and her family, and my husband and I live in different states. Mom is in good health, active and has many friends. In the 25 years Lia and I have been married, Mom has come to stay with me five times. Only twice has she stayed more than two days.

Lia was recently telling me about a visit she'd had from Mom and estimated that Mom had been at their home 200 days over the past 10 years. I had never thought about the disparity before. When I said, half-jokingly, "Maybe I should be hurt," Lia responded, "Mom likes to come here because we have kids and you don't, and she's more entertained."

I have always asked Mom to stay longer than she does. I even offered to pay her plane fare or drive there to pick her up. Mom always says she's "too busy."

I love my mother's company and we have never argued. We have common interests and there's lots to do in my city. I understand her wanting to see her grandchildren. I enjoy them, too, when I visit my sister. But I'm hurt that Mom has never wanted to spend more time with me. I feel like I'm less valued as a daughter because I have no children. Am I silly for being hurt? -- OVERLOOKED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR OVERLOOKED: Your feelings are not "silly." Your sister's bragging was tactless, and so was her follow-up. Tell your mother about the conversation and how it made you feel.

Not knowing your mother or her relationship with you and Lia, I can't explain the disparity. But please allow me to point out that you are all adults -- you have a good marriage and a good life, and, if necessary, concentrate on that and not how often you and your sister see your mother.