DEAR ABBY: I'm 27 and in a three-year-long relationship that has been slowly falling apart. A year before it began, I ended a two-year union with another guy. While the two men are completely different, both relationships ended for similar reasons.

I am a successful, independent woman. Apparently, this made each one feel like less of a man. While I'm told my qualities are part of the reason I'm attractive, men want to "prove themselves" before they commit to marriage. Things usually fall apart when their career plans shift and they feel like they're starting over. I try to be supportive, but nothing works. They begin resenting me for everything I have accomplished.

I am on a path to achieve everything I can before I scale back to have children and put my family first. I have two master's degrees. I'm working on my license in a traditionally male profession. I'm on the board of directors of several nonprofits. I own my own home. But I'm beginning to be afraid I'll never have the family life I have always wanted. Should I resign myself to the fact that I can't have it all? -- SUCCESSFUL ... ON PAPER, CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR SUCCESSFUL ... ON PAPER: Please don't. And don't give up and lower any of your goals, either. What you need is a man who is more secure within himself than those you have been involved with. The traditional roles of men and women have been turned upside down in the last few years, and the last thing you need is someone who would resent you if he couldn't match or surpass your achievements.

At 27 you are hardly over the hill. Keep your options open until you find someone who appreciates that a husband and wife are a team to which both bring their own strengths and weaknesses, and who will revel along with you when you succeed. As long as a couple is compatible, it doesn't matter who is the larger wage earner. Please don't settle. If you do, consider the message it will send to your daughters.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Gail," is estranged from her family and has no significant other. She is always trying to improve herself. She works out at a gym daily and has spent a fortune on plastic surgery.

People have told me that Gail's laugh is loud and embarrassing. Abby, it's not just her laugh that's grating, but her speaking voice is equally unpleasant. She is so loud that she has been asked to "lower the volume" in restaurants.

How can I tell her that her money would be better spent on voice lessons? -- SOUNDING OFF IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR SOUNDING OFF: Because your friend speaks so loudly that she has been asked to quiet down, the first thing to do is suggest to her that she have her hearing checked by an audiologist. It's possible that she is suffering from a hearing loss.

If that's not the case, then tell her that since she has done so much to improve her appearance, you think she could benefit from some sessions with a speech therapist because it would make her picture perfect. It may not be what she wants to hear, but sometimes it takes a friend to tell the unvarnished truth.

The acid test for situations like this is to ask yourself: "Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" And in this case, the answer to all three questions is yes.

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DEAR ABBY: I am being married in August. I'm going to have my bridal portrait taken, and I need to know if I'm supposed to wear my wedding ring in the photo session or my engagement ring. Also, how soon do I need to schedule the portrait session? -- BRIDE-TO-BE, PECOS, TEXAS

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials. According to my wedding expert, you should schedule your wedding portrait to be taken sometime in the month before your wedding, and you should be photographed wearing only your engagement ring. Oops! That didn't come out right. You should also be wearing your wedding gown.

DEAR ABBY: I have an incredible career and was recently promoted to a position that requires frequent travel, which I love. Part of my job involves providing educational programming.

I invited my sister to help me with a couple of training sessions, and I covered the cost of her travel and meals.

Now she expects to travel with me on every trip. She has booked her own flights on two other trips already this year.

I have a hard time telling my sister no, but at the same time, I'm working when I am on these trips. I have meetings and events that I cannot include her in. She says she wants to learn "everything" about what I do so she can do it, too.

Abby, I worked more than 25 years to get to this point in my career. I would love for her to be in the same field, but she has never worked in it and doesn't always know how to talk to people. She jokes and makes inappropriate comments that leave me embarrassed and angry. How do I tell her I can't keep having her along for the ride? -- WOEFUL ROAD WARRIOR IN OHIO

DEAR ROAD WARRIOR: By stiffening your backbone, informing your sister what it was she has said -- and to whom -- that made you feel embarrassed and angry, and telling her that from now on you will be flying solo. The last thing you need at this point in your career is for her behavior to reflect on your performance. And it could.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, a question was raised about whether my mother might have been pregnant at the time of her wedding more than 30 years ago. I wasn't premature, and no, I never "did the math."

Not once in my life was there ever a hint of such a thing, and no one ever alluded to it over the years. I am shocked. Mother has been so proper all my life, and she raised my sister and me to be ladies under strict supervision. Why would she not tell us, even after we became adults -- wives and parents struggling with the same situations?

Should I let it go and respect Mother's obvious wish to keep it her own? Can I ask her without damaging our good relationship? Could there be another explanation? A big part of me wants to know the truth. -- CURIOUS IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CURIOUS: I see nothing to be gained by bringing up something that you know could cause your mother pain or embarrassment. Because she "obviously" (your word) wishes to keep the matter private, my inclination would be to let it go.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy who is wonderful, caring -- everything a woman would want. There's just one problem. When he takes off his shirt, he has an extremely ugly mole. It looks suspicious and is irregularly shaped. I can't stand looking at it, but my eyes are drawn to it like to a car wreck. To top it off, it has hair growing out of it.

I know he probably pays no attention to it because it's on his back. But I see it staring back at me. How do you tell a loving and caring man that you're turned off by his scary mole? -- GROSSED OUT IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Because man was not born equipped with a rearview mirror, it takes a caring friend to tell him -- or her -- what's going on behind his/her back. It's not necessary to say that you are "grossed out" at the sight of the mole. All you need to say is: "Honey, you have a large, irregularly shaped mole on your back that looks suspicious. It doesn't look right, and you need to have it checked out by a dermatologist as soon as possible because I'm worried about you."

DEAR ABBY: It's tax season, and once again, my husband and I are faced with our annual "conflict." We buy a tax program for our computer and do our own taxes. Every year, one of our daughters has my husband do her taxes. After he completes them, he returns the forms so she and her husband can sign them. The problem is, they never pay the taxes they owe.

My daughter and son-in-law owe thousands of dollars, and I know they risk being audited by the IRS. If that happens, I am sure the kids will say that my husband actually did the taxes, which could draw us into their problem. It might even target us to be audited. I don't want to be dragged into this potential problem. My husband thinks I'm being silly and borrowing trouble unnecessarily. What do you think? -- HONEST TAXPAYER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HONEST TAXPAYER: Because your husband is preparing the tax return as a favor and not being paid, I doubt he will get into trouble. But there's a good chance your daughter and her husband will. What she needs to do is contact the IRS and work out some kind of workable payment plan. And as loving parents, you and your husband should encourage them to act like responsible adults and do that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old divorced man who has been dating a divorcee for five years. Last night I asked her to marry me, only to be told she was not ready and afraid of being hurt again.

Should I stay in this relationship, or stop seeing her and try to start another relationship? I'm afraid that staying in this one much longer will prevent me from finding someone else who would marry me. -- REJECTED AND DEJECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DEJECTED: After five years of dating, the lady should have some idea of how trustworthy you are. Because she's gun-shy, offer to go with her to some counseling sessions in order to allay her fears. If she's willing, continue the relationship a little longer. If she's not, then your instincts are correct, and it's time to move on.