DEAR ABBY: Last week I suggested to a co-worker, "Zack," that I treat him to a beer after work. Before our pints arrived, he disappeared to a corner of the pub to text on his phone, and 10 minutes later his girlfriend showed up. Her being there obligated me to buy her a drink, and it derailed the work-related discussion I had initially had in mind.

The following Monday, I mentioned to Zack that he should have asked me first if it was OK to bring someone else. He was none too pleased to hear that I thought his behavior was rude. How far off base was I? I'll bow to your opinion. -- WONDERING IN WESTMOUNT, CANADA

DEAR WONDERING: Did Zack know when you invited him for a beer that you wanted to discuss business? If not, then you're being too hard on him. But if he did know, then asking his girlfriend to join you was presumptuous -- and he should have offered to pay for her drink in any case.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Jenna," is in the closet -- literally. About a week ago, she moved into her closet. She put her dresser in there, threw some blankets on the floor and that's where she hangs out now. When asked why she doesn't hang out in her room, she says, "I just like it in the closet."

Some of her girlfriends claim to be bisexual or gay. Is she telling me that she's "in the closet" or is she messing with my mind? Some of her friends are into cutting, and Jenna seems to be curious about it. I don't know what to make of any of this. Any advice? -- CONCERNED IN HOUSTON

DEAR CONCERNED: How close are you and your daughter? Are you the kind of mother she feels safe talking to about anything that might be troubling her?

Happy, outgoing girls don't usually take refuge in dark, confined spaces. She may be overwhelmed or depressed, or something may be going on in Jenna's life she needs help with but is afraid to tell you. Stay closer to your daughter for a while. If her change in behavior persists, keep probing until you find out what's going on.

Cutting can be an attempt to mask emotional pain, and if she starts, a licensed psychotherapist should be consulted.

DEAR ABBY: I have an 11-year-old son who has started having issues with lying -- nothing important, just little things like did he do his chores or brush his teeth.

I also have an alcoholic husband who says and does things he doesn't remember later. When I get conflicting stories from the two of them, I don't know whom to believe.

Don't suggest I leave my husband. It's not financially feasible right now, though it is something I am looking into. -- WHOM DO I BELIEVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHOM: I am not suggesting that you leave your husband, unless he poses a danger to his son during one of his blackouts. However, if I had to choose between a husband who says and does things he doesn't remember later, and an 11-year-old boy who lies occasionally about having brushed his teeth or done his chores, I'd be inclined to believe the more sober of the two, your son. And I'd make darn sure my son understood that, while I might be disappointed he hadn't done what he was supposed to do, he'd be punished if I caught him lying to me about it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, Edye, was a wonderful cook and an accomplished hostess. Friends and family enjoyed being a part of her events, not only because of the food but also because she made everyone feel so welcome.

Before my husband and I were married, I met Edye for the first time at a dinner she hosted in my honor. Of course, I was nervous about meeting her and wanted to make a good impression. After the introductions, I followed her into the kitchen and offered to do what I could to help.

She smiled and said, "No thank you, dear. I like to do things my way," and then she pointed to a poem she had framed and hung on her wall. The title was, "Stay out of My Kitchen," and she told me it had come from your "Keepers" booklet.

Edye passed away two years ago, and the poem now hangs in my sister-in-law's kitchen. I think of my dear mother-in-law every time I see it. How can I get some copies of your "Keepers" booklet? I will be hosting a wedding shower for my niece and would like to use them as part of the gift bags I'm assembling for the luncheon. -- STILL MISSING EDYE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MISSING EDYE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother-in-law. From your description, she must have been a talented and special lady. I'm pleased Edye found my Keepers Booklet enjoyable, and I hope your guests will, too. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You'll find it contains a collection of humorous and inspirational letters, poems and essays that were longtime favorites of my own dear mother -- which is why she included them in an inspiring, easy-to-read booklet for anyone who needs a "lift."

The poem your mother-in-law framed is brief, polite and succinct -- and here it is:

STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN by Susan Sawyer

Please stay away from my kitchen

From my dishwashing, cooking and such;

You were kind to have offered to pitch in

But thanks, no, thank you so much!

Please don't think me ungracious

When I ask that you leave me alone;

For my kitchen's not any too spacious

And my routine is strictly my own.

Tell you what: You stay out of my kitchen

With its sodden, hot, lackluster lures --

When you're here, stay out of my kitchen

And I promise to stay out of yours!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong -- because someday you will have been all of these. -- GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your answer to "Yoo-Hoo, I'm Over Here!" (Jan. 10), who was bothered by her husband's constant leering at women, you've got to be kidding. Men have been looking at young women since the beginning of time. My husband and his friends hold "office hours" every morning at our neighborhood coffeehouse. I've told him as long as he "touches" only with his eyes, there won't be a problem.

My husband and his pals are not "creepy old men." They are leaders in our community -- doing what they can to make the world a better place, while enjoying the scenery. There must be something terribly wrong with "Yoo-Hoo's" marriage if she's contemplating divorce because of this. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN TAMPA

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: I told "Yoo-Hoo" that from her description, her husband's behavior seemed obsessive, that it showed a lack of sensitivity to her feelings and I recommended marriage counseling. Responses from my readers were varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In marriage we promise to love and cherish our wives. That is not what "Yoo-Hoo's" husband is doing. It is disrespectful to her, his supposed one and only, and to the women he is ogling. When a man stares at another woman, it is not just looking. He is fantasizing about her. And sometimes it doesn't stop there. -- TOM IN HALF MOON BAY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 18 years, we have four children, and I can attest that all men do NOT do that. My husband isn't blind to a beautiful woman, but he is respectful of my feelings and has enough self-respect to not openly drool over any women in my presence.

Unfortunately, we do know "Yoo-Hoo's" husband's type. We have seen "men" like him gawking open-mouthed at the teenage girls wearing tight jeans at school. We have also made careful note of who they are and who their children are. If an invitation comes for one of our girls to visit their kids at their house, the answer is always NO.

"Yoo-Hoo's" husband has a problem. The sooner she realizes it, the better. -- WATCHFUL MOM IN BUTLER, PA.

DEAR ABBY: You said that if "Yoo-Hoo's" husband were 20 years younger, his behavior would be chalked up to "boys will be boys." Boys of all ages can be respectful of women -- the ones they're dating or are married to, and the ones who do not want to be ogled by strangers. Appreciating attractive people without being creepy is something people of all ages and both genders are capable of. Please don't perpetuate this stereotype. -- BROOKE IN HILLIARD, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The way she describes her husband's behavior with women sounds like he may have a sexual addiction. If so, he is powerless over his behavior and will do anything to justify his addiction. It's a waste of time asking him to change unless he goes into recovery for it. Other signs of this addiction are affairs, frequenting bars, using Internet chat rooms and looking at porn. -- KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE

DEAR ABBY: I wonder how that man would feel if he caught someone his age leering at HIS daughter? Maybe then he would think twice about what he is doing. -- DIVORCED IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: Women look, too. I look! I think it's healthy to be aware of the people around you. But that doesn't mean we have to be obvious about it -- certainly not so obvious that we are inconsiderate of the people we are with.

That said, the other side of the coin is: Did he act like this when they were dating? Did she know what she was getting when she married him? As they say, a leopard doesn't change its spots. -- IRENE IN SAN ANTONIO

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)