DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 12 years to a man who is an excellent provider, but not a loving husband. He works out of town every week and comes home on weekends.

When he's away he ignores my phone calls and won't answer any texts. If I do get him on the phone, he picks a fight with me for whatever reason -- maybe I breathed too hard on the phone -- and that's enough for him not to answer anymore that week. We have three children and he doesn't even communicate with them.

This has been going on for a few years. I love him, but I feel his attitude is belittling. It has reached the point that I'm afraid to say anything. I'm a loving wife and mother, and I feel I should be respected and treated like a wife and not a weekend fling. Please give me some advice as to what I should do. I'm at a loss for words. -- DISTRAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Your husband appears to suffer from selective amnesia. When he's out of town, he "forgets" that he's married. It is in the best interests of you and your children to figure out what happened "a few years ago" that caused such a radical change in his behavior. You are right that you are not being treated the way a wife should be. That's why you should consider hiring a private detective to find out what's been going on. I am sure that once you understand, you will no longer be at a loss for words.

DEAR ABBY: My uncle "Paul" died two weeks ago after a long illness. He and his daughter, "Nina," had a difficult relationship, and after an argument eight years ago she cut off all communication with him.

Uncle Paul developed the disease that led to his death after the estrangement. Nina's brothers and other family members begged her to relent many times -- to no avail. It was extremely painful for everyone.

When Nina saw her father's obituary in the newspaper, she decided to attend the funeral. Her brothers and Aunt "Joan" sent a message telling her that her attendance would be hurtful and asking her to stay away. She came anyway -- along with her husband, children, their spouses and babies my uncle -- and Aunt Joan -- had never seen. The rest of the family managed to shield Aunt Joan from them during the service, but Nina's presence was very upsetting.

Am I wrong in thinking she should have stayed away? -- GRIEVING COUSIN IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Funerals are intended to comfort the living as well as honor the dead. By coming and bringing her entire family after being asked to stay away, Nina did neither and instead poured salt in the wounds. No, you're not wrong and the matter was handled properly -- without creating a scene.

DEAR ABBY: I find the "penny" stories I see in your column to be both amusing and interesting. Now I have one for you.

I was on a bus trip with our church group when I saw a penny on the floor. I picked it up and offered it to an older woman with the comment, "A penny for your thoughts." Her retort was, "You would be wanting change?"

Her response caught me off guard, and gave everyone a laugh.

Keep up the good work, Abby. -- F.R.C. FROM GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR F.R.C.: It gave me a laugh, too. Pennies may be worth less than they used to, but a smile can be worth its weight in gold.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating "Amanda" for eight months and everything is going great. I've met her parents, and she has met mine.

Two days ago, I mentioned that we should plan a dinner with both sets of parents since they have not met yet. Amanda told me that our parents shouldn't meet until we move in together or are engaged. I felt offended. When do you think is the right time for our parents to meet? -- IT'S ONLY DINNER!

DEAR ONLY DINNER: I disagree with your girlfriend. There are no hard and fast rules these days about when the parents of couples should meet. And after eight months, I would think both sets of parents would be interested in meeting each other.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Darlene," whom I have known for 30 years. She has never once in all that time invited me into her home.

She goes to other people's homes but never reciprocates. In groups that go from house to house, she will not take her turn. Even when her mother-in-law died she wouldn't receive people in her home.

I find Darlene's behavior insulting. It has become a frequent topic of conversation. I don't know what her home life was growing up, but her husband's family had an open-door policy in their home. Please advise me why someone would never welcome anyone into her home. -- SHUT OUT IN CHARLOTTESVILLE

DEAR SHUT OUT: Darlene may be ashamed of the way her house looks inside, or she may be a hoarder. If you really need an explanation, you should be asking her. In light of your 30-year friendship, please stop personalizing this because it appears her hang-up is long-standing and deep-seated. And to gossip about it behind her back seems cruel and won't help the situation.

DEAR ABBY: I try to be positive and considerate of others. I believe if you smile at the world, it will smile back. The exception to that is my mother. Mom is the most negative person I have ever met. Nothing has ever been good enough for her -- and now my sister is starting to behave just like her. If misery loves company, they can have each other.

My kids dislike being around their grandmother and can see how upset she makes me when we talk on the phone. Abby, I'd like my mom to see her grandkids grow up, and much as I don't want to admit it, I need her support and guidance. How can I get Mom to see the brighter side of things? -- UPBEAT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UPBEAT: Forgive me if this seems negative, but you can't change other people -- only the way you react to them. You might be able to deflect some of the unpleasantness your mother creates if, instead of letting her upset you when she says something negative, you respond with something positive.

Because your children don't like to be around her, limit their exposure if she's being toxic. And do not allow her to minimize their accomplishments or make them feel "less than," because they may begin to believe it.

As to needing your mother's support and guidance, I sympathize with your wish, but please understand that she may not be able to give you what you're looking for. And, if that's the case, you may need to find support and guidance elsewhere.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a career woman, working for a family-owned business. Last year was difficult because there have been a number of layoffs and no raises. When I had my annual review, I received an outstanding evaluation but was again told no raise would be forthcoming because business is slow.

I could understand this because of the current economy if the owners of the company weren't taking expensive vacations and buying new luxury cars.

I have a hard time accepting there's no money for raises when they spend so extravagantly. I understand it's not my business how they spend their money, but it's difficult to swallow when I feel so taken advantage of. I'm not the only one here feeling the way I do, and it's beginning to create a hostile environment. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- BITTER IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR BITTER: If your employers are claiming poverty while indulging in conspicuous consumption, your feelings are understandable. And as soon as the job market improves, I'm sure you will be only a part of the stampede of fellow employees seeking another job. With your outstanding reviews it shouldn't be too difficult to find one. Bide your time ...

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in the fall and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. She has been through a lot, and I have supported her all the way. She says I am the only one who had faith in her, encouraged her and loved her no matter what.

Are moms supposed to be in their daughters' weddings? She doesn't want her dad in the wedding, so this makes it difficult. I am honored that she wants me to be her matron of honor. If her dad isn't in the wedding, should I be in it? I don't want any hard feelings from the other family members, but my daughter is determined to have me as her matron of honor. -- DONNA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONNA: If what your daughter said is true, and you were the only one who had faith in her and loved her unconditionally, then you should accept her offer to stand with her at the altar. And yes, it has been done before.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freelance writer who works from home. I have flexibility when it comes to my work hours, but I decide that on my own terms. I have lost count of the number of times friends and family have asked me to baby-sit, have lunch or go out shopping with them because, according to them, writing isn't "real work" and working from home means having no fixed hours.

Last week my husband called me from his office and asked me to bring him some documents he had forgotten at home. When I realized it wasn't urgent, I told him no and that he had interrupted my train of thought. He has been sulking for days. Was I wrong?

In this digital age, with more people working from home, it still means adhering to a schedule. Oh, and one more thing -- please remind your readers that writing is very much a REAL job. -- FREELANCE WRITER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FREELANCE WRITER: Consider it done. Writing requires concentration, and it IS a very real job. However, you may be bringing some of your problems on yourself by not informing your friends and family that you write between certain hours every day. And an effective way to isolate yourself and ensure you won't be interrupted by annoying phone calls would be to turn your phone off during the hours that you're writing.