DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Roger" -- 64 and retired -- has a crush on a 25-year-old woman who lives in our small community and who runs a dress shop I frequent. Roger is usually quiet and reserved, but when he sees "Patti," he utters loud cries and runs to her side. He examines every detail of her clothing, makeup, etc., and takes her hand and compliments her on her soft skin, her ring or the color of her nail polish.

From the expression on her face and the looks she exchanges with the other women in the shop, it's clear she considers him a pest.

I have spoken up and said, "Patti must have a grandfather your age," or, "There's no fool like an old fool," but Roger ignores it. My concern is that he's making a fool of himself in public and, by extension, me. I'm so embarrassed, I can no longer walk into my favorite dress shop. Patti is popular. She has many dates and is not interested in Roger. I hate to be pitied by others. What can I do to stop this? -- OLD FOOL'S WIFE IN ALABAMA

DEAR WIFE: Roger's "crush" is a reflection on him, not you, so keep your cool and please stop calling him an old fool. It's insulting and belittling, so of course he'll tune you out. Try this instead, "Roger, when you act the way you do when you're around Patti, it's embarrassing to me. That's why I prefer you no longer accompany me when I go there."

Then, when you shop for clothing, go without him. And instruct Patti and the saleswomen that if Roger drops by without you to tell him he's welcome -- IF he's buying something for you. That way, instead of a problem, you'll have a windfall, and so will they. You can even leave a "wish list" with Patti in advance.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently married, but we had to postpone our honeymoon for a couple of weeks due to weather and the loss of a sitter for my wife's daughter. The day after our wedding, my bride, "Brenda," informed me that we had a dinner date the following Monday with another married couple who are friends of hers. I gladly accepted, thinking it would be fun to go out and celebrate since our plans had fallen through.

The day before the dinner I was told that the husband (in the couple) had to work -- so Brenda and his wife would go out to dinner and, if it was OK with me, I would stay home and baby-sit my new stepdaughter. I felt I had no say in the matter, and to keep things positive in this brand-new marriage, I agreed.

I have no problem with Brenda going out alone with her friend, but I did feel slighted. Shouldn't the dinner have been postponed until a time when we were all available? Or should I have accepted this "girls' night out" with more grace? -- HONEYMOON-DEPRIVED IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR HONEYMOON-DEPRIVED: It depends upon how "graceless" your reaction was. While I don't blame you for feeling slighted, the dinner could have been rescheduled for when the husband was available, or you could have been included. I hope you told your wife how it made you feel because it may make her more sensitive to your feelings in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were out to dinner with two other couples who are also good friends. We all enjoyed a couple of bottles of wine during our meal.

When the check came, we split it three ways. However, one of the other couples insisted that we should tip only on the food portion of the bill. I said we should tip on the entire bill, including the cost of the wine. Who was correct? -- PROPERLY SERVED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PROPERLY SERVED: You were. The tip should have been computed on the entire tab -- and that includes the wine that you "all" enjoyed with your meals.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 12 years to a man who is an excellent provider, but not a loving husband. He works out of town every week and comes home on weekends.

When he's away he ignores my phone calls and won't answer any texts. If I do get him on the phone, he picks a fight with me for whatever reason -- maybe I breathed too hard on the phone -- and that's enough for him not to answer anymore that week. We have three children and he doesn't even communicate with them.

This has been going on for a few years. I love him, but I feel his attitude is belittling. It has reached the point that I'm afraid to say anything. I'm a loving wife and mother, and I feel I should be respected and treated like a wife and not a weekend fling. Please give me some advice as to what I should do. I'm at a loss for words. -- DISTRAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Your husband appears to suffer from selective amnesia. When he's out of town, he "forgets" that he's married. It is in the best interests of you and your children to figure out what happened "a few years ago" that caused such a radical change in his behavior. You are right that you are not being treated the way a wife should be. That's why you should consider hiring a private detective to find out what's been going on. I am sure that once you understand, you will no longer be at a loss for words.

DEAR ABBY: My uncle "Paul" died two weeks ago after a long illness. He and his daughter, "Nina," had a difficult relationship, and after an argument eight years ago she cut off all communication with him.

Uncle Paul developed the disease that led to his death after the estrangement. Nina's brothers and other family members begged her to relent many times -- to no avail. It was extremely painful for everyone.

When Nina saw her father's obituary in the newspaper, she decided to attend the funeral. Her brothers and Aunt "Joan" sent a message telling her that her attendance would be hurtful and asking her to stay away. She came anyway -- along with her husband, children, their spouses and babies my uncle -- and Aunt Joan -- had never seen. The rest of the family managed to shield Aunt Joan from them during the service, but Nina's presence was very upsetting.

Am I wrong in thinking she should have stayed away? -- GRIEVING COUSIN IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Funerals are intended to comfort the living as well as honor the dead. By coming and bringing her entire family after being asked to stay away, Nina did neither and instead poured salt in the wounds. No, you're not wrong and the matter was handled properly -- without creating a scene.

DEAR ABBY: I find the "penny" stories I see in your column to be both amusing and interesting. Now I have one for you.

I was on a bus trip with our church group when I saw a penny on the floor. I picked it up and offered it to an older woman with the comment, "A penny for your thoughts." Her retort was, "You would be wanting change?"

Her response caught me off guard, and gave everyone a laugh.

Keep up the good work, Abby. -- F.R.C. FROM GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR F.R.C.: It gave me a laugh, too. Pennies may be worth less than they used to, but a smile can be worth its weight in gold.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating "Amanda" for eight months and everything is going great. I've met her parents, and she has met mine.

Two days ago, I mentioned that we should plan a dinner with both sets of parents since they have not met yet. Amanda told me that our parents shouldn't meet until we move in together or are engaged. I felt offended. When do you think is the right time for our parents to meet? -- IT'S ONLY DINNER!

DEAR ONLY DINNER: I disagree with your girlfriend. There are no hard and fast rules these days about when the parents of couples should meet. And after eight months, I would think both sets of parents would be interested in meeting each other.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Darlene," whom I have known for 30 years. She has never once in all that time invited me into her home.

She goes to other people's homes but never reciprocates. In groups that go from house to house, she will not take her turn. Even when her mother-in-law died she wouldn't receive people in her home.

I find Darlene's behavior insulting. It has become a frequent topic of conversation. I don't know what her home life was growing up, but her husband's family had an open-door policy in their home. Please advise me why someone would never welcome anyone into her home. -- SHUT OUT IN CHARLOTTESVILLE

DEAR SHUT OUT: Darlene may be ashamed of the way her house looks inside, or she may be a hoarder. If you really need an explanation, you should be asking her. In light of your 30-year friendship, please stop personalizing this because it appears her hang-up is long-standing and deep-seated. And to gossip about it behind her back seems cruel and won't help the situation.

DEAR ABBY: I try to be positive and considerate of others. I believe if you smile at the world, it will smile back. The exception to that is my mother. Mom is the most negative person I have ever met. Nothing has ever been good enough for her -- and now my sister is starting to behave just like her. If misery loves company, they can have each other.

My kids dislike being around their grandmother and can see how upset she makes me when we talk on the phone. Abby, I'd like my mom to see her grandkids grow up, and much as I don't want to admit it, I need her support and guidance. How can I get Mom to see the brighter side of things? -- UPBEAT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UPBEAT: Forgive me if this seems negative, but you can't change other people -- only the way you react to them. You might be able to deflect some of the unpleasantness your mother creates if, instead of letting her upset you when she says something negative, you respond with something positive.

Because your children don't like to be around her, limit their exposure if she's being toxic. And do not allow her to minimize their accomplishments or make them feel "less than," because they may begin to believe it.

As to needing your mother's support and guidance, I sympathize with your wish, but please understand that she may not be able to give you what you're looking for. And, if that's the case, you may need to find support and guidance elsewhere.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)