DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Roy" for 27 years. For the past 14, he has been a stay-at-home dad. He took on the primary job of raising our two kids, now ages 13 and 16, while my career soared. The problem is, we never agreed to this arrangement.

Roy left his job at a critical time out of anger and missed out on some major retraining. He kept saying he'd start his own business or get work, but he never did. He also never made up for the loss in skills. Instead, he stayed home, moped about, and now at 56 would have serious difficulty finding a job in his field if he wanted to. (I don't think he really wants to anymore.)

Roy is not happy or fulfilled being at home and does nothing to get going on anything else. I'm so frustrated with him I can no longer stand it. I'm ashamed that I let this happen. For the last few years I have told him repeatedly he has to get busy with a career, go back to school, something -- anything -- or else. But each deadline I set passes with no change. Should I leave him? -- MISERABLE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MISERABLE: Not yet. Your husband may be chronically depressed, which is why he mopes around and has given up on establishing himself independent of you. Instead of giving Roy more ultimatums that are never enforced, encourage him to talk to a psychologist. It isn't as though he has spent the last 15 years being idle. If your children are living up to their potential, his time has been well spent being a nurturing parent.

While I understand your frustration at being the sole breadwinner, recognize that you are not alone in that role these days. Many women are the heads of households, and they are not dumping their husbands en masse. Also, if your situation hasn't met both your needs it would have been over by now.

So before making any hard-and-fast decision about leaving, consult an attorney and gain some insight about divorce laws in Minnesota, because regardless of what you decide, you could find yourself supporting Roy for an extended period of time.

DEAR ABBY: When we were younger, my sister "Kara" and I were sexually abused by our pastor. Kara is now in counseling because of this, and she's insisting I do the same.

I told her I have no need for or desire to get therapy, and now she's angry with me. What my sister doesn't know is that I submitted to our pastor willingly. When I became pregnant by him at 16, I lied to my family and told them the child was a result of a one-night stand.

I am no longer involved with this man, although we parted on good terms and he continues to support our child. Should I tell my sister the truth so she'll understand why I am reluctant to seek counseling? -- CONFLICTED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONFLICTED: You should not only tell your sister the truth, you should also join her in some of those counseling sessions. While you had sex with your pastor "willingly," you were underage. What the man did was predatory and statutory rape. If he would do this to you and your sister, what makes you think he isn't doing it to other young girls right now?

By staying silent, you may be enabling him to continue. If you are doing it for the money, there are other ways of getting support for your child. Please rethink this.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had fun coming up with cars that fit with certain professions (Jan. 23). It made a long car ride seem short. Here's what we came up with: The Greek epic poet Homer would have a Honda Odyssey, and a firefighter a Chevy Blazer. An entomologist would crawl through traffic in his Mitsubishi Spyder. A meteorologist would drive a Honda Element, an astronomer would have a Mitsubishi Eclipse and an optician a Ford Focus. Picasso would paint the town in his Nissan Cube, an ornithologist would use a Ford Falcon and his lawyer would drive a Honda Civic. -- MEGAN T., RIDING THE HIGHWAYS IN BELVIDERE, N.J.

DEAR MEGAN: I'm pleased I was able to make your road trip more enjoyable. Readers, you amaze me! You put the pedal to the metal and came up with some ingenious responses. My staff and I had a great time reading them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Stretching my imagination, I envisioned Jacques Cousteau with his Plymouth Barracuda, King Arthur in an Excalibur Phaeton and "Mini-Me" in a Mini Cooper. "Dog the Bounty Hunter" would choose a Mercury Tracer. And don't you think Cadillac had Disney villainess "Cruella" in mind when it came out with the "DeVille"? -- WINNI AT THE WHEEL IN L.A.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a correctional facility and had to laugh when I saw the warden drive up in his Ford Escape! -- JAZZY IN WAYNESBORO, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: Here's my suggestion: Clint Eastwood driving a Dodge Magnum with a Magnum Force plate -- no, wait, he can't have that one because I already do! -- DONNA IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: How about pairing these names and cars? Astronomer Carl Sagan in a Mercury Comet, decathlon winner Bruce Jenner in his Javelin, Mr. T. in his very own Model T. And finally, Albert Einstein sporting around in -- what else -- a Smart Car. -- STEVEN, ALONG FOR THE RIDE IN L.A.

DEAR ABBY: I have one: Michael Phelps in his Ford Freestyle. -- EMILIE IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: I submit the following: Keanu Reeves driving a Toyota Matrix, Courteney Cox cruising around in her Mercury Cougar, Dizzy Gillespie in a Dodge Coronet and Thomas Edison in a Chevy Volt. When Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't driving around in his Hummer, he'd be using his Ford Flex, and Ben Franklin would drive a Jeep Liberty. Abby, thanks for providing so many funny moments as well as insightful advice. -- GREG IN GLADEWATER, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: If some famous people were alive today, they'd have some interesting choices. Christopher Columbus might drive a Ford Explorer and Daniel Boone a Mercury Mountaineer. -- TERI IN ORRVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: We're up to the challenge here in Oregon. A Navy captain driving his PT Cruiser, a housekeeper in her Plymouth Duster and, finally, the local weatherman in his Oldsmobile Toronado. -- DEBBIE IN EUGENE

DEAR ABBY: I have the perfect model for the 12 disciples. The Bible says they were all in one Accord. -- JANE RIVERA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: For the past several years, my husband's sister-in-law, "Janine," has used my photographs (with my permission) in calendars she has made as gifts to different family members. One year, I asked her if she would have one made for me since most of the photos in it were mine. Her answer: "No, make your own."

Last year, at a cousin's wedding, Janine came up to me and told me to be sure to take some "good pictures" for HER calendar. I just about lost it! And for the current year's calendar, she had her husband ask for 12 more photos.

I feel Janine has been using me to give gifts with her name on them to other family members. I get none of the credit for having taken the pictures. It seems to me that she is stealing. What do you think? -- "DEVELOPING" A GRUDGE IN KANSAS

DEAR "DEVELOPING": I disagree that what your sister-in-law is doing is stealing, because by giving her the pictures with no conditional stipulation -- in this case, being given the credit for having taken them -- you are enabling her. And I "think" the time has come for you to insist that your name be on the pictures, or that she take her own photos for "her" calendar. Don't you?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is 43 and I am 48. I admit he moved in very fast -- a few weeks after he lost his job.

After three months his mood began to change. He tells me he loves me and I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to him, but I noticed he was becoming quiet and withdrawn. I texted him at work to ask if something was wrong, and he said "things" were on his mind. I asked was it me? He said no.

When he came home I asked what was wrong, and he said things were happening too fast, that he wanted his own place and to move around as he wants to. I asked him if he sees me in his future, and he said, "Yes. Just bear with me and give me some time."

I need advice, Abby. I am so confused. I love him dearly. -- TORN APART IN TOMBALL, TEXAS

DEAR TORN APART: When a man tells you things have moved too quickly and he needs time and space, that is what you have to give him. He may care for you, but unless you give him the chance to miss the comforts you provide him, what you want won't happen. And the harder you try to cling, the more it will drive him away.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter is being married for the first time to the father of her two children. She is planning a large traditional wedding in which her father will give her away. She wants to include their children in the ceremony, too.

Under the circumstances, wouldn't a small wedding (without the long white dress and associated traditions) be more appropriate? My opinion has not been requested, nor would I ever provide it, but I am curious because I believe some of the older relatives in the family may be shocked. -- SOMEWHAT SHOCKED MYSELF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SOMEWHAT: Unless the older relatives in the family have been living in seclusion, with no magazines, tabloids, television and the Internet, I'm sure they realize that in the last 40 years some of the old rules have been retired. Among them: restrictions against large church weddings for longtime cohabitating couples and white dresses for non-virgin brides. Should any of the old folks show signs of shock, offer a shoulder for them to lean on. But don't be surprised if none of them is surprised at all.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the first night of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!