DEAR ABBY: I think my husband may be a cross-dresser. Last night while "Roland" and I were cuddling in bed, I felt his legs and they were smoother than mine. I asked him why he keeps shaving his legs and stomach, and then it dawned on me. Roland has sent me e-mails hinting about dressing up.

One year, he purchased a pair of high heels, saying he wanted to dress up like a woman. I examined them the other day and there is evidence that they have been worn more than once. My lingerie drawer is sometimes a mess, and sometimes my clothes are a bit out of place. I believe my husband dresses up while I'm out of town on business trips.

I'd kind of like to see him dressed up, but I'm afraid he might look sexier than me. Lately Roland has been asking me if he can join me when I go shopping for clothes. He does chores around the house (vacuuming, ironing, dishes), and if he enjoys cross-dressing, I say he can wear any outfit he wants. How can I tell him I know what he's doing? -- WISE TO HIM IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WISE TO HIM: The next time the two of you cuddle up in bed, tell Roland you have been thinking about the e-mail he sent you regarding dressing up, that it's OK with you, and you think you might enjoy seeing him that way. It's a non-threatening way to get the message across.

But please remember that not all men who shave their body hair are cross-dressers. And if your husband has been doing the ironing -- and the washing that would naturally precede it -- your clothes may not have been the way you left them because he put them away. As to him accompanying you shopping, plenty of non-cross-dressers shop with their wives -- and some of them have better taste than the women.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend will not let go of my past. I didn't level with him about a couple of relationships because I knew he was a racist. He found out, and now all I get is teasing and comments almost every day. If he sees a talk show about a liar, he says, "Oh! There you are!" It's the same if the subject is a whore.

What he's doing is hurting me. Is this normal behavior? Am I supposed to ignore him? I have asked him to stop, but he says he won't until I learn to laugh about it. Any suggestions? -- EMBARRASSED IN ANAHEIM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Just this: What's going on is not "normal" and it's no laughing matter. Tell your boyfriend that the next time he calls you a whore or a liar, he is history. And stand by your word, unless you want to spend the rest of your life with a racist who has a sadistic sense of humor and no respect for your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell a friend of many years that the wig she wears is not flattering? We're nearly 80, and the wig is black and falls past her shoulders. Her hair was dark when she was young, but now the color looks harsh.

She started wearing the wig because it was too much trouble to go to the hairdresser every week. Something shorter and lighter in color would look much better.

My friend can be vain about her appearance. How do I enlighten her without hurting her feelings? -- CARING FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Here's what I'd do. With the understanding that it's affordable, I would suggest to my friend that "for kicks" the two of us "girls" go out for a makeup and hair makeover -- and let a professional broach the subject. If she declined the invitation, I'd keep my mouth firmly shut. And that's what I'd recommend to you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and my "first kiss" just broke up with me. My dad says it's just puppy love, which may be true, but I have a feeling that I need to be with him. What hurts even more is he had a new girlfriend the next day.

I have tried moving on, but I don't think I want to. I want to try to get back with him, but I don't know how. Can you help me? -- ACHING HEART IN IOWA

DEAR ACHING HEART: If your "first kiss" broke up with you and had a new girlfriend the next day, what it shows about him is that he has a short attention span. I know you would like to get him back, but the word from here is: Don't waste your time. While the end of a romance is painful, chalk it up to experience and a part of growing up. There is no growth without a little pain; and it only hurts for a little while. Trust me on that.

Now a little advice woman-to-woman: Once it's over, all the note writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Accept that it's time to forget him. The longer you linger, the more foolish you will appear. So stand up straight, smile and move on. There are better days -- and better boys -- ahead.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please print this to educate your readers about something I witness every summer -- parents encouraging little kids to take native wildlife.

I watched a 6-year-old girl show off the two palm-sized baby turtles her dad had "given" her from the lake, and put them into a plastic container to take home. Abby, they were snapping turtles! Mom won't be pleased when those "pets" snap a finger.

Then there was the mom who thought it would be fun for her 7-year-old boy to play with a few frogs in their dry, dense, sun-drenched backyard. Within an hour, the amphibians had escaped and, best guess is, they died and became dehydrated, sun-dried critters or dog food.

Abby, not only is it illegal to take wildlife on a whim, but it's also selfish. At a time when we're already damaging our planet for our recreational pastimes, we need to be teaching our kids that living beings are not toys, but rather a valuable part of natural ecosystems. It's so much more fun to observe and learn from a turtle swimming free in the lake. Please urge parents to stop being so thoughtless, or they may end up with a ticket or a missing digit. -- WILDLIFE PRESERVER IN LAFAYETTE, COLO.

DEAR WILDLIFE PRESERVER: Well said. Children -- and too many adults -- act on impulse when they pick wild plants and flowers, or decide to "adopt" little feral creatures that are destined to die when taken from their natural habitat. Earth Day is April 22 -- that's Thursday -- and it offers a chance for all of us to do something positive for the planet. Many parents use it as an opportunity to bond with their children, and some schools offer credit to students who participate. (Hint, hint.)

DEAR ABBY: How do you attract single women while on a budget? -- GARY IN LONGWOOD, FLA.

DEAR GARY: Matinees cost less for admission than late shows, and if there are any museums that are not too far away, check out free museum days. A picnic in the park or a day at the beach doesn't cost a lot -- and neither do outdoor activities such as biking or hiking. You really don't have to have a lot of money to attract a nice woman. And anyone who makes you feel otherwise is someone you should run from.

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DEAR ABBY: April is Sexually Transmitted Disease/Infection (STD/STI) Month. The good news is that many younger people pay attention to the education they have received and are more likely to use protection when having sex.

The troubling news is, one of the fastest-growing groups of people contracting and spreading STDs/STIs is senior citizens. Some blame medications for erectile dysfunction; others blame midlife divorces and online dating sites. The biggest factor is lack of education. When seniors were growing up, they had to think about only two STDs. Today there are many more.

Back then, the "worst" thing that could happen if you had unprotected sex was that you could get pregnant. Now, because many are past menopause, that risk factor is gone, so they don't use condoms. And the STDs and STIs rage on.

Many seniors won't talk to their doctors about their sexual activity, and -- worse -- many doctors don't bring up the subject because they feel uncomfortable or mistakenly assume older people don't engage in sexual activity. Please, Abby, urge your older readers to get tested for STDs/STIs. -- EDWARD SALKO, D.O., FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR DR. SALKO: I long for the days when the only things people associated April with were paying taxes and the rain that would bring May flowers. But enough about ancient history.

Readers, if you are sexually active -- and this applies to those of you from your teens to your 90s -- for your own sake as well as that of your partner, use a condom every time unless you and your partner have been tested for STDs and know with certainty that neither of you has one. Not everyone who has an STD is aware of it -- and you can't tell by looking at someone whether that person is infected.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a woman who talks to dragonflies and believes she was abducted by aliens. She's one of those people who come across as sweet and caring, but complain and gossip behind your back. I work in close proximity to her and must interact with her daily. I can't stand her, yet she relentlessly tries to "befriend" me regardless of how hard I try to make it clear I'm not interested.

Recently there was a fire in my home and our family was left with nothing. Miss "X" offered me her deceased mother's dinner set. I felt awkward accepting it, but because she told me it made her feel good to spread parts of her mother around, I accepted. Now I regret accepting it because she thinks I'm indebted to her, and she makes my life miserable trying to engage me in mindless conversations during work.

Abby, I thanked her for the dinner set at the time she gave it to me. How long do I have to pretend to like her? -- NOT INTERESTED

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: You always have to be polite and considerate, because that's common courtesy. A way to handle this would be for you to return the dinner set to Miss "X," thanking her warmly for "lending" it to you in your time of need. (I assume you have the means to buy one now.) And when she tries to engage you in personal conversations, tell her kindly but firmly that you have a lot of work to do and no time to talk.