DEAR ABBY: My biological father left soon after I was born. Mom spent her life in orphanages and foster homes, so she knows nothing about her ancestry, genetics or family information.

I was always curious about where I came from, so finally, at the age of 26, I decided to do something about it. Mom had always told me about "Donny," who she said was my father. I was able to track him down and made contact. At first he denied knowing Mom, then he changed his story. Because he was married and had a family, the matter was dropped.

Four years passed and I contacted Donny again. This time, I offered to meet him on his terms to take a paternity test. He called my mother a liar and said she had been promiscuous. It made me angry because Mom was open with me about him and we have always had a close relationship. The paternity test came back and -- guess what? Donny is not my father! I feel like a fool for pursuing him for nothing.

Mom acted surprised and now refuses to talk about it. I want to know my background, and it's eating away at me that I was told Donny was a deadbeat father and I was lied to for so long. Am I doomed to never know my ancestry? -- MAN WITH NO PAST

DEAR MAN WITH NO PAST: That's a possibility, and for that you have my sympathy. When someone clams up the way your mother has, it may be because the person is too ashamed to admit the truth -- which may be that she does not know who fathered you. There may be reasons why your mother behaved the way she did, having grown up not knowing who her parents were and in a series of foster homes. She may have simply been looking for someone to love her. One thing is certain, however. She raised you to be the man you are today and did the best she could, so please try to forgive her for the deception.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-30s, blond, blue-eyed, tall and slender. I am health-conscious and physically active. I have had a seven-year marriage and a relationship that lasted for four -- but for the last five years I have been unattached. It took me a while to get used to being alone, but I have realized something that everyone needs to know: Being single can be very satisfying

I clean my house; it stays clean. I have no extra dishes or laundry to do. There's no toothpaste left in the sink. The toilet seat stays down. I can relax in front of the fireplace because no one is trying to get my attention.

My checkbook is always balanced, with no surprises. I can go to bed at night and sleep without having to spend half the night explaining why I'm not "in the mood." I wake up refreshed in the morning without having to share someone else's challenges.

I'm free to come and go as I please without the burden of anyone else's expectations. And, if I'm feeling social, I can get together with a male or female friend and go out and have a good time.

Please reassure your single readers that it's OK to be single, and not to allow their well-meaning friends, family or society to try to convince them they "need" to be in a relationship. If they're happily single, as am I, they can remain that way and life will be just fine if they let it be. For me, it's the only way to be. -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN SEATTLE

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: I have often said it is better to be alone than to wish you were. I have also said that there are worse things than being alone, and evidently you have experienced them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an average 17-year-old girl with a big problem. A few days ago, my cousin's boyfriend touched me inappropriately. It took a few seconds for me to realize what was happening and stop him. I got up and left the room.

I don't want to tell my mom because she shares what we talk about with other people. I don't want to tell my cousin because she loves her boyfriend, and if I ruin this for her, she'll never speak to me again. I have seen her do it with other people.

My cousin visits my house every day with her boyfriend. I have been leaving for hours so I won't have to see him. Please help me. What other option do I have besides telling somebody? -- STAYING SILENT IN GUAM

DEAR STAYING SILENT: You have two options. You can remain silent and let your cousin marry a man who has so little self-control that he would not only hit on another woman, but one who is a close relative of hers. Or you can tell your parents what happened so your cousin can be warned, and possibly save her from a world of heartache later on. Please be brave and do the right thing.

DEAR ABBY: I know most of your readers are women, but could you please spread awareness of female-on-male domestic violence? You have done a great job with male-on-female abuse awareness, and I think American society is fairly well saturated with it. But there is little out there for men who have been or are being abused. -- MINNESOTA READER

DEAR READER: Domestic violence is not restricted to any social, racial, religious, economic group or particular gender. And while male victims may be embarrassed to disclose it, men can be victims of domestic violence, too.

In years past, men were hesitant to call a domestic abuse hotline when there was a crisis because they were ashamed, had been bullied into thinking they "deserved it," or were afraid they wouldn't be believed. That is no longer the case.

Male victims of domestic violence can find help by contacting the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women. The organization's toll-free helpline is (888) 743-5754 or log onto its Web site at www.dahmw.org. Another organization, SAFE (Stop Abuse for Everyone), also assists victims of abuse regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation. Its Web site is www.safe4all.org.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months. I'm 18, and feel I have met the man of my dreams. We were friends for a long time before we became a couple.

My question is: Do you think a couple can spend too much time together? Every minute, every hour and every day that we can spend together we do -- and I love it. But I don't want this to ruin our relationship. Am I doing the right thing? -- CONFUSED IN MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO

DEAR CONFUSED: You're a smart cookie and that's a very intelligent question. Although it's tempting, do not allow the romance to take up every available moment. Continue to devote time to your friends and to outside interests. It will make you a much more interesting person to be around, and you won't lose your independence.

DEAR ABBY: I have been overly neat since I was in middle school. I am now in college and feel I have reached the breaking point because I'm such a neat freak. I love having everything neat and tidy, but I now spend less time being a 22-year-old and more time cleaning, scrubbing and organizing.

I can't sleep if I know there is clutter somewhere in the apartment. I have passed up going out with friends if my apartment isn't perfect. Everything has a place and a label. It's getting tiring because I realize I haven't had any good wholesome fun in a long time. I wish I could relax and be OK with clutter like everyone else, instead of wasting my life cleaning. Any advice? -- OVERLY ORGANIZED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERLY ORGANIZED: Yes, I do. March yourself to the student health center and discuss this with a counselor there. When the compulsion to have your apartment "perfect" trumps your ability to enjoy your life, it's time to accept that you have gone from neat to obsessive. There is treatment for the problem, and once it begins you will be able to relax and let go of your anxiety. So please don't wait to get the help you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old female who has been dating my boyfriend, "Will," for three years. Our long-distance relationship was going along just fine until the topic of his 21st birthday came up recently. Will mentioned in passing that he's planning on going to a strip club with friends to celebrate this momentous birthday.

Will says he just likes to look at women, that all men do and it's completely fine. He didn't seem to care how I felt about it. His mind was already made up. He wants me to be more accepting of who he is, but it turns my stomach to think of him hanging out at a strip club.

Abby, is a young man in a committed relationship going to a strip club to drink and view naked women "normal"? Should I not take this so personally? Or am I right to see this as a lack of commitment to me? -- OFFENDED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR OFFENDED: If your boyfriend had attempted to hide his plans from you, or if he was planning on frequenting strip clubs alone and often, I'd say you should feel threatened. But he was open about going out to celebrate his "momentous" birthday with his friends -- and plenty of women have been known to visit clubs with male dancers. So calm down. This has nothing to do with his "commitment" to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 42 years old and being married for the first time in October. My parents divorced more than 20 years ago and both remarried. My father will walk me down the aisle.

Dad lost my stepmother two years ago, and is still having a hard time with it emotionally. Because of my age, I don't expect anything from my parents except their emotional support.

If it's all right with my parents, do you think it would be appropriate to put on the invitations, "In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of (my stepmother's name)"? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR LOVING DAUGHTER: You are a sweetheart to think of it, but doing so would be a huge breach of etiquette. In fact, any mention of gifts on a wedding invitation is a no-no. The way to handle it is, when asked where you are registered for gifts, to verbally inform the questioner what your wishes are.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)