DEAR ABBY: "No Laughing Matter" (Feb. 22) wrote about her mother-in-law making snide comments because there is so little resemblance between her son and her grandchild. It's a fact that not all offspring look like their parents.

My husband and I have seven biological children who are now young adults. We marvel at the breadth and depth of our collective gene pool.

I am a petite brown-eyed brunette, and my husband is tall and blond with hazel eyes. None of our kids look alike. One daughter inherited my brown eyes, but her hair is blond. Two kids have my dark hair, but one has blue eyes and the other has green eyes. One son is the spitting image of his dad, while another resembles my father as a child. Our "baby" girl is the tallest female and has a buxom figure she certainly did not inherit from me.

Another thing: Out of all nine of us, our second child is the only family member who cannot curl her tongue. The study of genetics is an amazing thing, especially when we find out what we think we know isn't necessarily so. -- THEY'RE ALL OURS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALL: Thank you for your in"gene"ious response. Other readers felt "No Laughing Matter" should ignore her mother-in-law's comments and handle the matter with humor. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was about 13, my "dear" mother-in-law said she didn't look like her son, also implying that I had been unfaithful. I looked her directly in the eye and replied, "Of course she doesn't look like your son. She resembles MY side of the family." She never commented again. -- NOT UNFAITHFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: The next time "No Laughing Matter's" mother-in-law remarks how one child bears no resemblance to Dad, she should say, "You know, genetics are fascinating. I've often thought how much this beautiful child resembles you." -- MARC IN CLEVELAND HEIGHTS

DEAR ABBY: My oldest brother and I look identical despite our 10-year age difference. Our middle brother, however, didn't look like either one of us. Our family jokingly referred to him as "the milkman's son" until he hit middle age. At that point in his life, he became the spitting image of our father. "No Laughing Matter" should not take her mother-in-law seriously. -- KATHY IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I bet if that mother-in-law looked through an old photo album she might notice that this grandchild has Grandpa's nose and eyes, and maybe Great-Uncle Charley's ears. My wife and I have five children. Three of them closely resemble us. The other two don't look like they belong to us -- until you look at my wife's maternal cousins. Our daughter and one of her cousins could pass as twins. -- LEROY IN POULSBO, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was widowed at 35 with three young children. A few years later, "Pop" came into our lives and married "us." He always treated us like we were his biological kids and we knew we were loved. Pop was a mailman in our small town and my brother used to tag along with him on his route. Many people would comment that they "knew" immediately that this was his son, "He looks just like you!"

"No Laughing Matter" needs to move on. Life is too short to feel bad about thoughtless people and their silly comments. -- JACK'S DAUGHTER IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: This is the time of year we think not only about our mothers, but all the women who have helped to shape our lives. But as they focus on work, family and home, many of them tend to neglect themselves and their health.

That's why the U.S. Food and Drug Administration Office of Women's Health and the Federal Citizen Information Center would like to help women to take time to care for themselves by offering them our free Health Information Kit.

With topics like managing medicines, avoiding health scams, practicing food safety and, of course, taking care of the entire family, the advice and tips in this kit are a source of wisdom for women to use and share with one another.

Abby, thank you for letting your readers know about our free Health Information Kits and for reminding women that as they're caring for others, they need to take care of themselves. -- MARSHA HENDERSON, ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH (ACTING), FDA

DEAR MARSHA: I'm pleased to spread the word. The fact sheet on food safety you're offering is particularly important, given that many people have gotten food poisoning and mistaken it for the flu. Your fact sheet on antibiotic resistance is also useful because overuse of antibiotics in this country has made it increasingly difficult to treat some serious medical problems.

And readers, did you know that we all can play an important public health role by reporting any adverse reactions and unexpected side effects after using a medical product? A guide to reporting problems to the FDA is included in this packet of information for women -- and more. So place your orders today. Quantities are limited, so do it now by going online to pueblo.gsa.gov or send your name and address to Health Information Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009. By phone, call (888) 8-PUEBLO (that's (888) 878-3256), weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, and ask for the Health Information Kit. And remember, it will be sent at no cost to you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took my daughter to an "open house" at our local college. My daughter refuses to ask questions, so I started asking about credit hours, finances, scholarships, etc.

A few people were not happy that I was there. I was told that I was what they referred to as a "hovering" parent and I needed to let her attend the open house on her own. I told them -- very politely -- that because I was paying for her education, I wanted to know what I was getting for my money. I told them if I was going to buy her a car, I feel I'd have the right to test drive it first to make sure it was worth the money.

Should I have left her there on her own and hoped everything turned out OK? I know kids need to grow up and make their own mistakes, but if they do it with my money, they won't learn because it would cost them nothing. Do you think I was out of line? -- QUESTIONING DAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR DAD: I don't think so. It's not unusual for parents to take their sons and daughters to look at prospective colleges -- and the questions adults would ask might not be the same ones their teen might think of. However, if the individuals who suggested that you were "hovering" were employees of the college, it's possible you did go overboard, and it's time to begin encouraging your daughter to be less of a shrinking violet. Being so shy that she's unable to ask questions is a handicap in a competitive academic setting.

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DEAR ABBY: Our small church choir has a talented volunteer director. His wife, "Martha," is an energetic and animated soprano who has a reasonably good voice in her range.

Unfortunately, Martha sings louder than all of the other choir members, and she ends many songs by trying to reach a final high note. The problem is her high notes are often flat and sound more like a cat's scream. No one likes it.

The congregation is held hostage to Martha's screams because they're afraid of losing her husband's free directing services. How can we convince Martha to cut out the high notes? -- COVERING OUR EARS ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR COVERING: Because Martha's improvisations are distracting the congregation -- which I assume is larger than the choir -- your spiritual leader should have a private chat with the director and explain that "the congregation" would prefer the choir perform the hymns exactly as they are written. It should get the message across without being personally offensive. And it's not as if you're all asking that his wife not perform, just that she tone it down.

DEAR ABBY: I was in line at the pharmacy yesterday and one clerk was on duty with the pharmacist. I waited my turn and asked for my prescription. She had to go check on it, so I sat down to wait. In the meantime, two other customers came in and waited in line. The clerk called my name, then asked me to get back in line. Shouldn't I have been taken care of next? -- ANNOYED IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ANNOYED: I'm not sure there are rules of etiquette for counter service at a pharmacy, but common sense dictates that the customers be taken care of in an efficient manner. I see nothing efficient about making someone who has started being served wait longer -- particularly if the clerk might also have to check on the prescriptions of the customers who came after you did. You should have been taken care of next.

DEAR ABBY: Two women carrying a baby in an infant car seat entered the gift shop where my sister works. The grandmother asked my sister if they could leave the baby behind the counter while they shopped. My sister politely told them it was against store policy.

They proceeded to shop, putting the carrier down in the middle of the aisle while they browsed -- leaving it unattended at times.

The grandmother bought a few items, then told my sister she might not shop there anymore because of the policy of not supervising infants while customers shop. My sister has dealt with many customer-related issues, but this one left her speechless.

Employees assist customers, but they do not baby-sit. Also, leaving a child with a stranger is dangerous and could lead to potentially serious situations that parents may regret. What's your opinion on this issue? -- SPEECHLESS IN OHIO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Your sister was right to inform the grandmother about the store's policy. And it is the grandmother's privilege to take her business elsewhere if she doesn't approve of it.

DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, and stepmothers -- and especially to my own beautiful mother, Pauline Phillips, in Minneapolis.

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