DEAR ABBY: I'm an athletic, youthful-looking 58, and my son, "Barry," is 24. We go out alone for dinner quite often because my husband (Barry's father) doesn't enjoy eating in restaurants. My problem is the angry stares my son and I get from younger -- and older -- women who mistake me for a "cougar" out on a date with my "cub."

The other night when I left our table to use the restroom, a woman approached Barry, told him he was "disgusting," and asked, "Why don't you date girls your own age?" He informed her that I was his mother, but even if I wasn't, it was none of her business. Another time, a girl Barry's age asked him why he was out with "an old hag" and said, "How can you want her over me?" This happens every time we go out.

I dress well and look like I could be in my 40s, but I have to wonder about the rudeness and ignorance of someone insulting my son without knowing the circumstances of the situation. Some of them refused to believe the truth even after Barry told them.

Interestingly, young men who have commented thought it was "awesome" that Barry could be out with a cougar. It's only the females who have a problem with us. Can you comment on this? -- HAPPILY MARRIED MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: Some thoughts do come to mind: Women who are happy in their personal lives don't approach strangers with snide remarks like those you have repeated. The women were rude, presumptuous, probably envious -- and I'll bet they were also alone, because it's hard to imagine a woman with a date doing something so outrageous.

I'm not surprised that younger men might think it was "awesome" that your son could be out with a cougar. When the subject was raised in my column, the men who commented said what attracted them to older women was that they are confident, relaxed, comfortable with themselves and fun to be around -- while younger women didn't bother to be subtle about their preference for men with money.

And one more thing: You must be quite a knockout to attract the kind of attention you're getting.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old guy who doesn't know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm still young and shouldn't stress out about what my career in life will be, but nothing seems to interest me. I don't want to be a doctor or an astronomer like some do. I can't cook or play any instruments, and I'm not very good with numbers. I have thought of hundreds of careers -- and I hate them all.

I don't want to do something I will hate for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid that's what will happen. I have been to three different counselors and none was able to help me. I'm hoping you can offer me some advice. -- HOPELESS IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR HOPELESS: You aren't the first person to panic because he (or she) is afraid of being stuck in a career slot that doesn't fit. The good news is one of the realities of today's workplace is that in many cases, jobs no longer last a lifetime. Workers can expect to change jobs and be retrained several times -- or more -- during their working years. I hope this relieves some of your anxiety.

Although you have decided what jobs do not interest you, nowhere have you mentioned any areas in which you excel. For that reason I'm advising you to go to your nearest community college career counseling center and ask to take some aptitude tests. People usually enjoy doing something they're good at.

DEAR ABBY: I can empathize with "Deeply Hurt in Arizona" (March 16), who travels back to her hometown to see her large extended family and struggles to make time for her longtime friend "Judith," who nonetheless feels slighted.

My husband and I grew up in the Northeast but now live out of state. We have flown hundreds of miles with our children to visit our families back there. Once we arrived, it seemed we were expected to continue traveling from town to town to do all the visiting. It became very stressful.

These people made little effort to visit us in our state or even come to our "base" while we were in their area. While "Hurt" visits her elderly parents, Judith appears to be sitting around waiting for her and making little effort. Why doesn't Judith go to the parents' home? Or, better yet, have a girls' weekend in Arizona or somewhere in between?

We have gotten past our irritation with family and friends and do two things: 1. We tell people in advance when we're coming so they can make plans. Groups -- especially friends -- can double up, and see us and see each other. 2. We use our time the way we want and not the way we feel we are obligated to.

"Hurt" should urge Judith to try to come to her. The road goes both ways. -- WORKED IT OUT IN ALPHARETTA, GA.

DEAR WORKED IT OUT: Thank you for writing. The scenario in "Hurt's" letter hit a nerve with a number of readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my kids visit from out of state, I have an open house so the family can come to one place and spend time with them. This gives my kids more time to visit with me and any special friends they may want to see. It also lessens the guilt of not being able to see everyone. This has worked well for us, and now the family expects me to do it every time the kids come back. -- DIANA IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I agree that Judith is selfish and immature. I have friends all over the U.S., and when they come to visit, I understand that most of their time will be spent with family.

Judith needs to grow up and realize that not everything revolves around her. Instead of complaining about the lack of time "Hurt" has for her, Judith should make the most of the time she does get to spend. -- SHELLIE IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: There may be a crisis in Judith's life that she is displacing onto "Hurt." When the emotions around that crisis calm, she will need her old friend. Is there anyone in town who could find out what is going on?

I knew a woman who cut everyone out of her life in a rage after the betrayal of an assault by a loved one. Another person did the same thing after a cancer diagnosis. Once the shock faded and they began to deal with their issues, they confided in their old friends about what was really happening and were able to reconnect. -- SUSAN IN CENTERVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Our family moved two hours away to make a better life for our kids. With a newborn in tow, we spent the entire first summer traveling home to visit family and friends.

My best friend came to see us once in the first year after our move. Recently she told me that because I moved away, we no longer have anything in common and that "maybe we would cross paths again -- someday."

It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I have chosen to move on. If our paths were meant to cross again, they would not have split in the first place. -- ANGELA IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ABBY: Was the only time Judith heard from "Hurt" when she had a few precious moments for Judith? If one person has to do all the communicating, perhaps it isn't a true friendship -- and that is what Judith was trying to say.

The art of communication and caring is dying. Hey, folks: Friendship is a two-way street. -- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: My husband had an affair with a stripper. I found out about it because he bought her some jewelry and was stupid enough to have the bill sent to our home.

We have been married more than 20 years and I love him, but this haunts me every day. I am heartbroken, but I'm trying to make our marriage work. He never admitted to any of it and says nothing happened between them.

I don't know whether to keep on trying or leave him and hope to get on with my life. What's your advice? -- WOUNDED HEART IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR WOUNDED HEART: You have my sympathy, but one person can't save a marriage alone. It takes effort on the part of both husband and wife, plus honest communication and often professional counseling to heal a relationship when there has been infidelity. Your husband may say "nothing" happened with the stripper, but the only man I can think of who bought jewelry for a woman he wasn't related to or romantically involved with was Michael Jackson when he gave some to Elizabeth Taylor.

Even though you love your husband, it's time to start taking care of yourself. And the place to start is by insisting on professional counseling. If he won't go, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 24-year-old developmentally disabled son who lives with us. Three months ago, he met a nice girl at the mental health program he attends. They hold hands, go to the movies and occasionally smooch.

Recently, "Jasper" had a mark on his neck. We were over at a friend's house for dinner when my best friend noticed the mark. She then proceeded to tell me I should consider getting Jasper "fixed." At first, I wasn't sure I'd heard her correctly, so I asked her to repeat it. I am shocked that she thinks I should have my son sterilized.

Jasper is diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's syndrome. According to his mental health counselor, he could someday be married, have children and lead a productive, independent life. It just may take him longer to get to that point in comparison with his peers.

How should I respond to my friend about her suggestion? When she made it, I didn't know what to say. -- SPEECHLESS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SPEECHLESS: If you still want to maintain the friendship with the woman, tell her what your son's mental health counselor said about his prospects for the future. But first, if you haven't already, make sure Jasper clearly understands everything he needs to know to protect himself and his nice girlfriend from premature parenthood.

DEAR ABBY: Please answer a question for me. Why do we fall in love with people who we absolutely, positively cannot have? -- HEARTBROKEN IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You have asked a question for which there is more than one answer. Some people do it because they don't recognize the warning signs quickly enough to back off before becoming enmeshed. Others can't resist a challenge. And still others do it because -- believe it or not -- it's less threatening than falling in love with someone we absolutely, positively CAN have.