DEAR ABBY: I am 23 years old and I adore my job and my boss. There is only one problem -- I must commute more than an hour each way, and the drive (especially with gas prices these days) is killing me.

I have been with the company for more than a year, and I recently heard that the parent corporation is hiring for a position similar to mine in the town that I live in. I desperately want to apply for the transfer, but I have no idea how to approach the subject with my boss, since I feel I owe her so much. She hired me for the position when I was fresh out of college with absolutely no experience.

Abby, help me! How do I ask to leave a job that I love? -- SATISFIED EMPLOYEE IN VALDOSTA, GA.

DEAR EMPLOYEE: You are confusing a business relationship with one that is personal. You are also not the first person to want to leave a job because the commute is tiring and expensive.

Go to your boss, tell her you heard a position is opening up close to home, and that you would like to transfer for the reasons you told me. Then ask if she will put in a good word for you. When she hears why you want to be closer to home, I'm sure she'll do it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jonah," and I share a loving and fun relationship. Apparently, I am better than average looking. I know this because people constantly ask my boyfriend, "Wow, how did you get her?" or, "Man, you must pay her to date you!"

I always give Jonah hugs and tell him how attracted I am to him, which is true. My problem is the attention I've been receiving has started to affect HIM. Now he makes comments about how fat he is (he's not), or that his skin is bad (everyone gets zits!), or that I should leave him for someone "better" looking.

Abby, I love this man and want to marry him. How do I convince Jonah that he's my hot, sexy boyfriend whom I love to pieces? -- HOT MAMA IN OREGON

DEAR HOT MAMA: I can't script you, but when Jonah starts putting himself down, try something like this: "You're not giving yourself -- or me -- enough credit. Life isn't a beauty contest. You appeal to me on MANY levels, and your looks are just part of the reason I'm attracted to you. Those other men are jealous of what we have together, and none of them can hold a candle to you."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for a year. It's my second marriage and his first. Because we were unable to afford a wedding at the time, we married at the courthouse.

We are now having a wedding so we can share this with our family and friends.

Some of our friends and family think we are wasting money or looking for gifts. We have not registered anywhere and have made no gift requests. Are we making a mistake? Should we simply have taken the money we're spending on this special day and put it toward a trip for us? -- BLUSHING BRIDE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BLUSHING BRIDE: Your mistake may have been in calling your celebration a "wedding." If you had called it a "renewal of vows with family and friends" it might have been more warmly received. As to whether you should have taken the money you're spending and used it for a honeymoon, I think it's a little late to be second-guessing yourself -- don't you?

DEAR ABBY: My parents told me that a member of their congregation carries a licensed gun when he's in church. He is not a law enforcement officer or a private security guard, but keeps the gun on him "for protection." When I asked what the pastor has to say about this, I was told, "He doesn't know or can't do anything about it."

I suggested that Mom and Dad speak to the congregation board of directors because they are legally and financially responsible for the church. They refused even though they are not happy about this gun issue.

My parents have a long history of complaining about things but doing nothing to resolve them. I feel that if someone needs to carry a gun at all times, I don't want to be in his presence. If he's the target of an assassination, the killer might shoot the wrong person. I will not set foot in the church as long as that man is there.

I'm not sure what bothers me more -- that this man is packing heat or that my parents have valid concerns and won't speak out. What do you think? -- GUN-SHY IN N.Y.C.

DEAR GUN-SHY: If the man has a license to carry the gun, then he is breaking no laws. You are certainly within your rights to refrain from being in his presence. If your parents were really concerned about their safety, they would either talk to the pastor or go somewhere else to worship. Because they have done neither, I think you should let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of three. Our mother was verbally and physically abusive while we were growing up. I now suspect she suffered from bipolar disorder, but back then no one had any idea what it was or how to treat it.

Her behavior drove our father away, leaving her to manage finances on her own. She made a miserable mess of it and, at 70, is still working so she can support herself. She wants to retire, but has almost nothing in savings. Because of the way she treated us, none of us wants much to do with her, and we are in no position to support her after she retires.

The problem, Abby, is that she has started laying an enormous guilt trip on my 22-year-old daughter and wants her to take her in. I caught wind of it and stepped in. There is no way my daughter should be burdened caring for her grandmother for the next 20 years. I feel bad that she has nowhere to go, but I feel she's reaping what she has sown. Am I wrong? -- GUILT TRIPPIN' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR GUILT TRIPPIN': No. But has your mother ever been diagnosed as bipolar? Is she on medications now that help her to control her behavior? If the answer is yes and she has tried to make amends, then perhaps you should try to be more forgiving and forthcoming. If the answer is no, then taking her in would be a disaster.

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's hilarious to sneak up and scare the daylights out of me. I have told him repeatedly that I don't think it's funny and it triggers anxiety attacks, but he won't listen. I enjoy his playful personality, but the startling has to stop. Any suggestions? -- NOT LAUGHING IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: Just this: What he's doing is immature and sadistic. Humor at the expense of others isn't "playful" -- it is hostile. Because it is causing anxiety attacks, consult your doctor and let the doctor explain to your husband the reason that what he's doing is a bad idea.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a soldier currently deployed in Iraq. My unit's mission has ended, but we must remain here for the next two months with no real mission to occupy our time. Because of this, I -- along with other soldiers -- spend free time in the gym.

Recently, a female American civilian contractor has started working out at the same time I do. She's gorgeous and wears skimpy, provocative clothing while working out. Because I have not seen a female in civilian clothes for many months, I find it hard not to stare.

Is it wrong for me to stare? Should I confront her and tell her that her clothing distracts me from my workout and makes me feel uncomfortable? -- CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT IN IRAQ

DEAR CRUEL AND UNUSUAL: You know darn well that it's wrong to stare. Didn't your mother tell you that staring is rude? Do not "confront" the woman. Have a gym supervisor talk to her or you might get in trouble for harassment. Or better yet -- change the time of your workout.

DEAR ABBY: My father died six months ago after many years of declining health. He was 87 and had lived a long and rich life. My oldest brother insists we have an annual celebration on my father's birthday at Dad's favorite Chinese restaurant. This isn't how I want to honor my father. He was a simple man who liked working "behind the scenes."

Everyone in our large family showed up at the restaurant, and my mother and brother loved all the attention. I do not want to memorialize my father this way, but not participating will create a rift. Should I stay true to myself and honor Dad in my own quiet way, or fake it and go to this annual shindig that is really about my brother? -- MANIPULATED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MANIPULATED: That's a decision I can't make for you. You need to weigh the benefits of honoring your MOTHER'S feelings against the fallout your absence would create. While this celebration may have been your brother's idea, he really doesn't figure into the equation. If your father died at 87, your mother may not be around much longer and you'll have many years to honor your dad in your own quiet way.

DEAR ABBY: After a year together my boyfriend has broken up with me. He's going through a divorce and says that right now is not a good time for us. I'm confused because he has told me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.

He wants to keep in touch and says that maybe, down the road when things are different, we can get back together.

My friends and family think he's using me as a standby so he can live the single life but still have someone waiting on the side. I'm left wondering, does he want to get past his issues or is he just playing games?-- NOT A GAME-PLAYER, PLEASANTON, CALIF.

DEAR NOT A GAME-PLAYER: Neither one. You have been dumped. The technique your "boyfriend" used is called the "easy letdown." Don't count on getting back together "down the road" or you'll waste more time on a losing proposition. In the future, hook up with a man who's available and you may have better luck.