DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I have cancer. My mom thinks I don't know, but I do. I heard the doctor say I was better off without any meds.

I have made a choice not to fall in love, and not to tell even my closest friend that I'm only going to live to be about 25-30 years old. My friend can't understand why I am always sad and have never wanted a boyfriend. How do I tell her to stop advising me to be happy and cheer up, and to someday open my heart to love without telling her about my short life? -- MADE MY CHOICE, ANYWHERE, USA

DEAR MADE YOUR CHOICE: If ever I heard about a girl who needs to have a talk with her mother, it is you. I don't know what you think you overheard the doctor telling her, but it is very possible that the "meds" he was talking about had nothing to do with cancer. I would hate to see you ruin your teen years because you jumped to a conclusion based on a misunderstanding -- so please speak up NOW!

DEAR ABBY: Today, June 15, is World Elder Abuse Day. On this day, communities all over the USA and the world will sponsor events to shed light on the growing and tragic issue of elder abuse.

Your readers, young and old, should be aware that the U.S. Administration on Aging estimates that as many as 5 million seniors are abused each year in the United States. And this is only the tip of the iceberg, since only an estimated one in five cases of abuse is ever reported to the authorities.

Elder abuse can be financial, physical, emotional or sexual, and it also includes people who are neglected. But elder abuse is preventable -- public awareness and education can help people learn the warning signs. For more information on what readers can do to join the fight against elder abuse, visit www.centeronelderabuse.org.

Thank you, Abby, for all you do to help keep our seniors safe. -- LAURA MOSQUEDA, M.D., GERIATRICS, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT IRVINE

DEAR DR. MOSQUEDA: If publicizing your message and your website will help some of these vulnerable hidden victims, I am more than pleased to help.

Readers, the elderly -- unlike child victims of abuse -- can slip through the cracks because too often they become invisible. Either they drop out of sight, or no one suspects what is going on until it is too late. Old people have been found stashed in garages, suffering from bed sores, malnourished and lying in their own waste. If you suspect abuse, please report it so it can be investigated. All you have to do is call Adult Protective Services. Every state has an agency that provides this.

DEAR ABBY: When I married the first time, I wore my mother's wedding gown. She and Dad had a happy marriage. They were married 47 years when Dad died.

My first husband and I divorced. We had two boys. I don't think either of my children would want the dress. In fact, I don't think ANYone would want it because the last time it was worn led to divorce.

What should I do with the dress? I only have two nephews and a step-granddaughter who is 5. I could save it for future grandchildren, but I think the divorce issue is a spoiler. -- JINXED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR JINXED: Why not donate the dress to a charity? If it's in good condition, I'm sure some young woman who can't afford to buy one would love to have it. And once it's out of the family, the "jinx" would be dissipated, canceled out by your generosity.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A close friend in our social group, "Reed," has been in and out of rehab for alcohol problems. We have all been there to offer moral support anytime we can -- including him in golf outings, barbecues, etc.

The problem is he has started lecturing us about "the dangers of drinking." We are social drinkers and professional people. Some of us don't drink; others are "on call" and can't. So it isn't like we're lying around getting drunk as skunks.

Reed has no family here. We love him dearly and don't want to exclude him. But he's starting to make people feel uncomfortable. How should we handle this? -- NO LECTURES, PLEASE, IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO LECTURES, PLEASE: Reed is preaching with the fervor of the newly converted. Whoever is closest to him in your social group should tell him privately that his comments are making some of you uncomfortable and to please stop it -- or start spending more time with other teetotalers.

DEAR ABBY: I am a census worker and knock on doors to interview people who have not sent in their census forms. I am concerned that so many people are reluctant to participate in the census. Please help us get the word out.

A real census worker will never ask to come inside your house or any questions about personal finance or your employment. If you are not sure who is at your door, ask for the person's picture identification, such as a driver's license.

By now, everyone should have received a census form in the mail. The deadline was very important. Once the deadline passed, the addresses of all the non-respondents were turned over to us: the non-response follow-up team. In order to prevent someone from being counted twice, once the non-response follow-up list was compiled, the rest of the forms out there were no longer collected or counted.

If you mailed in your census questionnaire, but a census worker still shows up at your door, it is because your questionnaire was not received in time. So please bear with your enumerator because he or she has to interview you again. Please take a few minutes to make your voice heard because your participation is important. -- YOUR CENSUS WORKER

DEAR CENSUS WORKER: I'm glad to help spread the word.

Readers, taking the time to participate in the census is not only important, but it's also to your advantage. The census is how your representation in Congress is determined. And in addition, the census is used to determine how federal funds will be used to build hospitals, schools and highways in your community. And by the way, the census is mandated by the U.S. Constitution and has been conducted every 10 years since 1790!

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I went out to dinner with another couple. After finishing our meal, I offered our friend, "Elaine," a piece of gum. I handed her the box so she could remove the piece herself.

When she returned the box she said she had taken two pieces. I told her it wasn't right as I had offered her only one piece, which I believe is the correct serving. Elaine claimed I had no right to dictate her serving size. Was she right for "chewing me out" over this? -- MORE THAN I CAN SWALLOW, WAYNE, N.J.

DEAR MORE: After reading your letter, I took a random poll among my staff. Of those who had chewing gum with them, two-thirds had packages that indicated a serving is two pieces, while the rest read that a serving is only one piece. I don't think Elaine was wrong to defend herself after you attacked her, and before criticizing, you should have asked yourself if it was worth possibly gumming up a friendship.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can settle this. I was ahead of my husband -- who was pushing the cart -- in a grocery store. I found a checkout line that was less busy than the others and got in line. By the time my husband caught up with me, another man was standing behind me, so my husband stood behind him. I signaled my husband to go around the guy so we could unload the cart, but he felt that the guy behind me should go first.

Abby, I did not race this guy to get there, and I felt my spouse could have said something like, "Excuse me, my wife is in front of you. Can I go around you?"

I ended up giving the stranger (whose cart was full) my place and left the line to find another one, and I am peeved. Am I wrong? I was already in line, so I think that should have counted even if my husband didn't get there before the other guy. This has become a huge bone of contention. -- FEET HURT AND TIRED

DEAR F, H AND T: Actually, I think you are wrong for expecting your husband to take the initiative when you could have done it. All you had to do was give the stranger a warm smile and say, "Excuse me, but the man behind you is my husband. Would you please let him in so we can check out and get the groceries paid for together?" Most people are courteous and would have agreed.

DEAR ABBY: May I address an issue that seems like a no-brainer, but apparently is not? I work in an insurance agency handling financial services. I can't believe how many people make appointments and don't show up.

Our agency offers excellent service -- after-hours and on weekends, as well as weekday appointments. When an appointment is made, we take it seriously. We don't cancel if it's inconvenient or we get a "better offer."

We don't work for free, but we can't charge you if you don't show up. If you can't make it, someone else could have your time slot. If you must cancel, please give us as much notice as possible. Let us know if you aren't coming. Some courtesy is in order here. I don't mind after-hours appointments, but I deeply resent being away from my family and having a client stand me up. Thank you for letting me get this point across for all insurance agency workers. -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: You're welcome. The common courtesy you're asking for should not be reserved for employees of insurance companies, but for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy eight months ago. I'll call him Gordon. A few months back he told me there is a woman living with him. I happen to be very much in love with Gordon. Now I'm confused about why he even started seeing me if he's living with someone else.

Gordon is 58 and I am 39. He swears he loves me. Am I being naive to believe there is a future for us? -- TRUSTING IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR TRUSTING: Not necessarily. The woman could be a relative or a platonic friend who is sharing expenses. Ask Gordon if the three of you can have dinner together -- perhaps at his place -- and find out for yourself.