DEAR ABBY: Nineteen-year-old "Hopeless in Chandler, Ariz." (May 21), said he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. When I was his age, I didn't know what I wanted to do, either. I didn't want to go to college, the military didn't interest me, and nothing I could think of seemed appealing.

My parents had factory jobs -- Dad in quality control and Mom in assembly. They talked me into filling out an application at the plant. I did so grudgingly, and was hired. I figured I'd stay one or two years and then find something I liked better.

This September I'll have worked there 32 years. I have survived layoffs and reorganizations, a move to another town and the sale of the product line I started on. I consider the job I'm doing now to be my dream job, and I enjoy going to work every day.

My advice to "Hopeless" is to try something he may think he won't like, give it a chance, and see how he feels in a couple of years. He may be surprised by what he discovers. -- HAPPY AND SATISFIED IN OHIO

DEAR HAPPY: Great advice! It never hurts to give something a try before deciding you don't like it. Read on for more suggestions:

DEAR ABBY: I would encourage "Hopeless" to take college transfer courses at a community college. This often leads to finding an interest. Volunteer and/or get a part-time job. If nothing else, those experiences can eliminate some fields of endeavor or spark an interest in something he has not yet considered. -- VOCATIONAL REHABILITATION COUNSELOR IN MURPHY, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: "Hopeless" should sign with a temp agency. I worked as a temp during my college breaks and was introduced to various office settings, technologies and career opportunities. One summer's temporary placement -- answering phones and doing clerical work -- led to a higher-level position the following summer after graduation. I took it and couldn't have been happier.

"Hopeless" shouldn't wait for others to tell him what he should do -- he should just get out there and do it! If nothing else, he may discover what he does NOT want to do and can direct his college course accordingly. -- BARBARA IN KATY, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Life is what happens while you're busy making plans. "Hopeless" should choose something he enjoys doing, do it well and enjoy the experience. Most important, he should stick with it until he's sure a change is needed. Career planning works for some, but for most people life has a funny way of taking us down roads we never saw coming. -- "DOC" IN LOS OSOS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I never would have thought of becoming a professional organizer, but that's what I am now. This is not a career that appears in any career counselor's tests, but I'm sure you wouldn't find many unusual careers in a book or test. I advise "Hopeless" to join volunteer groups and ask friends if they need help with anything. He may discover an aptitude for something he wasn't aware he possessed. -- JAN IN CARLSBAD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: There are hundreds of jobs that provide a good living -- plumber, electrician, bricklayer, construction worker, appliance repairman, stonemason. The list goes on. These are jobs that keep the world spinning and keep us in the comforts we enjoy.

If "Hopeless" doesn't know what he wants, he might consider taking a year to work with AmeriCorps, the Peace Corps or Habitat for Humanity. If he uses his imagination, he can make a difference in the world. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Donna," and I have shared a wonderful relationship for nearly three years. During her college days she had a sexual encounter with her best female friend. (They had been friends since high school.)

Although they graduated from college five years ago, they continue to see each other. Donna tells me that nothing sexual goes on between them. Personally, I don't trust her friend. Please help me get over this. -- TONY IN WHITTIER

DEAR TONY: Forget about not trusting Donna's longtime friend. Do you trust Donna? You have been together nearly three years and obviously, you talk about everything. Ask her if, after experimenting with her friend, she still has hankerings in that direction. If the answer is no, believe her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a lady for the past few months. How do I tell her that I want out without hurting her badly?

I have tried a couple of times to end things, but she gets hysterical, starts crying and accuses me of wanting someone else, which is not true. Please give me some advice. -- IN A FIX, PASCAGOULA, MISS.

DEAR IN A FIX: If you want out, prepare yourself for her emotional reaction. As you can see, she does not take this kind of news well. Tell her again that you want to end the relationship. When she starts crying and accusing you of wanting someone else, hand her a tissue and tell her you think she's "great," but you're not ready to settle down with anyone right now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like to go to funerals. In the 25 years we have been together, I think he has only been to three -- and that was only because he had been asked to be a pallbearer. Fortunately, we haven't had to deal with many losses on either side of the family.

We were talking recently and he shared that he would not go to his own mother's funeral! They have a very close relationship, and he explained that he only wants to remember her in life, not in a coffin. I feel he should set aside his own uncomfortable feelings and be there for the rest of the family -- especially his brothers and sisters. What do you think? -- PAM IN SPRINGFIELD, OHIO

DEAR PAM: Your husband's feelings may change when the inevitable happens. However, whatever he decides -- and I cannot stress this strongly enough -- you should back him up, be there for him and not judge him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently completed my first year of college. During the year, I met my current boyfriend. My goal this summer is to have him meet my parents. Because we live six hours apart, I thought it would be best if he stayed over at my parents' house -- in the guest room, of course.

My father objected to it, but said that if it were deemed acceptable by you, he would reconsider. What do you say, Abby? Is there really a problem with having one's boyfriend sleep over at one's parents' house? -- CURIOUS CO-ED

DEAR CURIOUS CO-ED: If the sleeping accommodations are as you have described -- and as long as there isn't any hanky-panky going on in the wee hours of the morning -- I see no problem with it.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband started exercising, is now on a strict diet and listening to love songs from the '60s. He has never been interested in these things before.

I overheard him on the phone talking about going to his high school reunion this summer, 400 miles away. When I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it to me, he said it's because I'm not invited. I was shocked. Then he said he's going with three of his old "buddies." I asked if their wives were going and he said, "No, they're divorced, but have girlfriends."

My husband is now giving me the silent treatment. He has a history of keeping things from me, but never anything like this. This is his 50th reunion, and the first one he has ever wanted to go to. I'm sick about it. What do you make of all this? -- HEARTSICK IN OREGON

DEAR HEARTSICK: I make of it that you don't trust your husband because he tries to sneak things past you and wasn't upfront about this from the beginning. If he had said he was planning to attend, and that he and three of his old buddies wanted to pretend they were teenagers again, you might have felt differently. Because he didn't, I can see why you would find the situation threatening.

Since you seem to have trouble communicating your feelings to each other, some sessions with a marriage counselor might help you reach a better understanding.

P.S. While he's gone, arrange to do something fun with some of your women friends. A girls' weekend might be a pleasant diversion, and at this point you need one.

DEAR ABBY: I left my wife for a much younger woman two years ago. Despite what my ex-wife says, it was not a mid-life crisis. I was very unhappy with my wife and our marriage. Our divorce has been final for seven months -- although I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever truly be "final."

My girlfriend, "Nicole," is anxious for us to be married and start building a life together. I'm still overwhelmed from how unbelievably painful the whole divorce process has been, and I can't begin to think about getting married again at the moment.

I have told Nicole that I'm not ready and I need some time. She says I'm "stringing her along," and even though she doesn't want to have kids, she still feels her clock is ticking for finding an acceptable mate. It has reached the point where Nicole says she is going to leave me if I don't commit to marrying her.

What is a reasonable time to expect someone to recover and be emotionally ready to remarry after an extremely bitter divorce? And what do you suggest? -- STILL HEALING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STILL HEALING: Some people are ready to remarry within months of a divorce. For others, the healing process can take years. I suggest you call Nicole's bluff. She is anxious because she is beginning to doubt that she'll get you to the altar -- and the "biological clock" business she's handing you is ridiculous in light of the fact that she doesn't want children.

The feelings you are experiencing are normal after a bitter divorce. Please do not allow yourself to be stampeded. When the time is right for you to remarry, you will know it without my telling you.

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