DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on your May 29 reply to "Helping or Cheating?" the young lady who has been helping her boyfriend with his homework. I can see where someone might find this a problem.

I retired a few years ago after 35 years as an educator and still substitute teach three to five days a week. I feel I can speak for many teachers on this matter: For years, teachers have used a method called "peer tutoring" in and out of the classroom. From the information given, what that girl is doing sounds like textbook tutoring.

Personally, I feel it's far better to have help and see a word spelled correctly, a sentence constructed properly or a math problem worked correctly, than to have the mistake reinforced. In most cases, homework is just for practice, and "Rory" should have ample opportunity in class to show the teacher what he can do on his own. -- 35 YEARS AND COUNTING

DEAR COUNTING: Thank you for your input as an educator. I tried to reach the young woman who wrote that letter so I could ask if her boyfriend's test results had improved as a result of her efforts, but was unable to make contact.

Frankly, I was surprised at the amount of mail her letter generated from teachers, one of whom informed me that "most teachers don't check homework for accuracy, just that the homework was completed." Could this be part of what has gone wrong with our educational system -- that teachers have become so overwhelmed by the size of their classes that they can no longer give their students the individual attention they need? If so, how sad for all of us. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I used to teach at the university level. For 20 years I watched this happen. Never once was it the boyfriend "helping" the girlfriend. If we got two essays on the same topic, it was always the girlfriend who had written it, while the boyfriend who "studied with her" or "used it as a model" ended up handing in a distorted version of the same paper -- same quotes, same structure, reworded sentences. The boyfriends were slacking off; their girlfriends were doing the work.

I have talked about this with other professors; only one could cite a single exception to this rule. Thank you for telling that young woman to stop doing his homework and please, Abby, let your readers know the issue is systemic. -- EX-PROF. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: There is a very fine line between good tutoring, poor tutoring and cheating. The best indicator is how the young man does on his exams. If he has significantly improved on his ability to do the problems in a test situation, then I lean toward the idea that good tutoring was done and suggest the students continue the process. If there has been no improvement, he should go to the teacher for extra help.

Math is an extremely difficult subject for many people. However, when a student gets F's on his tests and after coming to me gets A's and B's from then on, I suspect some learning has occurred. The teacher should review the tests the boyfriend takes and either tell the sister to go fly a kite or change methods -- depending on the scores. -- TUTOR IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: Summer is the season for celebration -- beach trips, picnics in the park and barbecues. But it can be a dangerous time for dogs.

Every year, thousands of dogs die after being left in overheated parked cars. Heatstroke can come on quickly and result in brain damage or death. Dogs are prone to heatstroke because they can cool themselves only by panting and sweating through their paw pads.

If you see a dog left in a car on a warm day, take down the car's color, model, make and license plate number. Have the owner paged inside nearby stores and call local humane authorities or the police.

If you see a dog exhibit any of the following symptoms: restlessness, excessive thirst, a rapid pulse, heavy panting, lethargy, lack of appetite, dark tongue, rapid heartbeat, fever, vomiting or lack of coordination -- get the animal into the shade immediately and call the veterinarian.

You can save a dog's life! -- LAURIE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR LAURIE: Thank you for an important letter. I recently read that so far this year, 19 children have died after being left in automobiles! During the summer months, leaving any living creature in a car -- even with the windows cracked -- is an invitation to a heart-wrenching tragedy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years. My parents did not attend my wedding because my mother's job was more important -- so my father never walked me down the aisle.

My brother is now being married for the first time. It will be his fiancee's third trip to the altar. Her father died years ago and they have asked my father to walk her down the aisle without even considering how I might feel about it.

When I explained to Dad how hurt I feel, he didn't understand. But he told me he would not walk her down the aisle if it caused me pain. Now my brother and his fiancee are upset with me.

Abby, can a groom's father give away the woman his son is about to marry? Am I being selfish in suggesting she walk down the aisle by herself just as I did? -- RESENTFUL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RESENTFUL: The answer to both of your questions is yes.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter "Gwen" has friends whose parents allow them to watch movies I prefer my daughter not see -- specifically, scary movies. The parents of one of the girls have invited Gwen to a sleepover. I have been making excuses because I don't want Gwen having nightmares.

Would it be wrong or impolite to tell these parents that I don't want her watching scary movies? I don't want to appear to be dictating to them what they can or can't allow their children to see in their own home. How should this be handled? -- PROTECTIVE MOM, MUSTANG, OKLA.

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Be upfront with the mother who will be hosting the sleepover. Tell her that you know Gwen would love to participate, but that you prefer that she not see scary films. If the mother can guarantee that none will be viewed that night, give your permission. Making your preference known is neither rude nor overbearing, so speak up.

DEAR ABBY: We sent a check to our niece a month before her marriage as a wedding gift to her and her fiance. The amount was generous, and we felt any young couple would be delighted to receive it. We also attended their out-of-state wedding.

Four months after we sent the check, it had neither been cashed nor had we received any acknowledgment that it had been received. I contacted my sister to verify that it hadn't been lost only to be told that my niece was "embarrassed by the large amount of the check and could not accept it"! Have you ever heard of such a thing? We think it is rude on multiple counts: First, evaluating the gift; second, rejecting the gift; and finally, not feeling obligated to even acknowledge it.

I'm boiling mad. My sister was the one who suggested "money" when we asked what the bride could use as a gift. We always felt that any gift -- large or small, liked or not -- should be graciously accepted and acknowledged. Have you any thoughts on this? -- FURIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR FURIOUS: Yes -- and congratulations. Your letter is a first. I have heard of brides complaining that a gift of money wasn't large enough -- but never that it was "too large." Could there be some additional tensions in the family that prevented your niece from telling you that your generosity was more than she could comfortably accept? If so, she could have returned it with a note thanking you and explaining the reason why.

Your thoughts regarding etiquette are absolutely correct. Any gift -- or kind deed -- should be graciously acknowledged.

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son was honored at his groom's dinner last month. As I looked down our table, six of our guests were fixated on sending/receiving text messages on their cell phones. One young woman sat staring off into space because no one had made any attempt to engage her in conversation.

Finally, I remarked that this was rude and that people should shut off their gadgets and get to know one another. These people were invited to honor my son who was being married. It did not go over well. I got comments like, "What's wrong with that?" "Oh, I have taken my knitting to these events," and, "I do this all the time." My thought was, "Well, stay home then and text away!"

Is it so hard for people to tune in and turn on to what is going on around them and forgo their "toys" during special life events? I am ... TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY

DEAR TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY: Obviously it is. But some people are so "addicted" to their electronic devices that they literally go into a form of withdrawal if they can't check for messages every few minutes. I agree that what happened was rude. But having discussed this subject with more than one psychiatrist, what I'm hearing is that many individuals today who effectively communicate on their devices, have difficulty engaging in eye-to-eye, one-on-one social interaction. That may explain the phenomenon you observed at the party.