DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Can't Believe My Eyes" (June 20), who is bothered by the amount of cleavage women display everywhere. I have heard many negative comments in the workplace regarding women's tasteless attire. But most of the remarks I hear come from other women in stores while we try to shop for clothes. They are shocked at how little there is to buy that is "decent" to wear. They, as well as I, are tired of having to buy tank tops to wear under shirts or dresses that are cut too low or are too short.

I have three daughters who dress for professional jobs. They, too, express similar frustration at finding clothing that is appropriate to wear. I am sure some women like plunging, skin-tight clothing, but from what I hear the majority do not. Store clerks get complaints and have passed them on to the buyers. But the buyers say there is not much else available. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I empathize with your frustration. The feedback from readers on this subject has been abundant, and many agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As the mother of a well-endowed 13-year-old daughter, I agree with "Can't Believe My Eyes." I hate shopping for clothes with my daughter. It's not because she is difficult, but because the styles are so revealing. My daughter wants to dress trendy while I want her to stay covered up.

I have the same problem when I shop for myself. We use tank tops and hidden safety pins to keep "the girls" under wraps. The problem is not lack of modesty of the wearer, but the clothing designers and manufacturers. I can't wait until the styles change, but for now we are doing our best to cover up. -- OKLAHOMA READER

DEAR ABBY: Hooray for "Can't Believe's" comments on cleavage at businesses and schools, but I'm more disturbed by the number of women -- young and not so young -- who show way too much in church. I'm a guy who appreciates God's handiwork, but please, ladies, don't showcase it in the pews. -- DISTRACTED IN ROME, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: In your answer you stated there was also a lot showing "south of the border." In Mexico? What about Louisiana? I'd like to go there! -- BRUCE IN HAWAII

DEAR BRUCE: Oh, come on! I didn't mean that kind of geography.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people feel the need to dictate the standards of appearance for everyone else? If it doesn't harm you, it's none of your business. If you don't like the employees where you shop, go somewhere else.

I'm a 54-year-old guy who looks and dresses conservatively. My dentist has spiky hair with purple streaks and looks young enough to be in high school. My mechanic has a hole in his earlobe you could shove a quarter through. My electrician has tattoos on his face. But they all do great work, and I wouldn't trade 'em. Why force everyone into one narrow description of what's "acceptable"? I'm for ability over appearance. -- OPEN-MINDED IN PHOENIX

DEAR ABBY: I've been in banking for 30 years and have seen many changes, especially after casual dress days started. Many younger women in the office didn't understand what that meant. Memos went out, but nothing changed until a female division manager was brought in to address the problem. I'll never forget what she said: "Look at yourself in the mirror before you leave for work and ask yourself if you look like you're going to 'get lucky.' If the answer is yes, then you need to change your clothes." Abby, we never had a dress code problem again. -- RHONDA IN THE SOUTHWEST

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DEAR ABBY: When my two boys were young, I agreed to a reduction in child support payments with the understanding that my ex would help later with their college tuition. This was not put in writing.

Now both my boys are in college and their father is refusing to help. When I asked him to at least help with the costs of their books, he said, "That's what child support was for." I guess I should have seen this coming, as he has been cruel and unreasonable toward me for the past 22 years.

What's more hurtful is my sons have adopted their father's attitudes. They have told me their child support should have been saved for college. I always put my children first and feel that all the hours I have worked to pay for college means nothing to them. Have you any advice for me? -- UNAPPRECIATED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Yes. Your first mistake was not getting the agreement with your ex in writing. The second is in continuing to foot the entire bill for your sons' college education. It's time they applied for scholarships, student loans and part-time jobs. Close your checkbook and make an appointment with a lawyer, because your ex may not be off the hook regarding paying for the boys' education to the extent that he thinks he is.

DEAR ABBY: "Chad" and I have been married for six years. While we were dating, I asked him if he was done being in a band and in the club scene. He said yes.

My dilemma is he has now been asked to be in a band, and he wants to do it. He told me he won't accept the offer if I don't want him to, because the issue was important to me when I was considering marrying him. Now I find out he has been telling me one thing and the band guys another. He is planning to join.

Am I wrong to be livid about this? I know he enjoys playing, which is why he was drumming at church. But why join a band now? Abby, he's 45! I'm upset but don't know if I'm justified in being so. -- NOT A BAND WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT A BAND WIFE: You are upset because you know your husband hasn't been truthful with you -- telling you one thing and his prospective band mates another. Also, the role of "band wife" is one you specifically wanted to avoid.

Not knowing Chad, I don't know whether he loves music or enjoys being in the spotlight. That's not something that fades with age. Because you can't stop him, be a sport and let him shine. If he's good, enjoy the extra income. If he's not, this gig won't be forever.

DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who was very close to both my parents. When my son was born, he completed our happy circle. When Mom died unexpectedly early this year, it was a painful shock. Life hasn't been the same without Mama here.

One afternoon, I was missing my mom and prayed for a sign that she was still watching over us. The next morning in church, she was still on my mind. During the sermon I quickly wrote a check for the offering, but didn't rip it out. I then placed my checkbook down next to me.

When the ushers began passing the plate later in the service I reached for my checkbook. A shiny new dime was sitting on top of it! It was my sign from Mama telling me that yes, she's watching over me and my son and continues to be part of our lives. -- PAM IN OHIO

DEAR PAM: Of course she does. Not even death can break a loving mother-and-daughter bond. It's touching that she let you know that in church, a place that must have held special meaning for both of you.

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DEAR ABBY: My childhood was difficult. My mother was a bitter, unforgiving, jealous woman. My father traveled a lot for his business and just tolerated my mother when he was home. I decided to never have children to bring into this family.

When I first met Dave -- my husband of 10 years -- I told him my feelings. He said it was fine with him -- he never had a strong desire to be a father. Until recently, our marriage has been a happy one.

After constant nagging by my mother about "When are you going to give me grandkids?" I lied and said that Dave had a low sperm count and we wouldn't be having any. Now Dave is no longer invited to their home for monthly Sunday dinners.

Mother is suggesting I divorce Dave and marry "someone who can give her grandchildren." Dave says that because he is "uninvited" I shouldn't go either. My father sides with my mother and says she's a lonely person. He says he will change his will if I upset Mom by not visiting.

Abby, this has caused a real strain on our marriage. Please help. -- NOBODY'S MAMA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOBODY'S MAMA: I'll try. The success of a marriage is not measured by the ability to produce grandchildren. If you hadn't lied to your mother, she wouldn't be blaming your husband for the fact that she doesn't have any. Tell her the real reason why you won't be having children, and how she influenced that decision. Her treatment of your husband and her meddling in your marriage are outrageous.

Tell your father to keep his money, and if your mother is "lonely" it's his job to fill her empty hours. If you allow your parents to continue to manipulate you, you will find yourself alone.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Nancy," is wonderful, generous and kind to everyone except her husband, "Ted." She belittles, yells and embarrasses him constantly.

Nancy has suggested that my boyfriend and I take a vacation with them, but I can't stand hearing her constant criticism. Just having dinner with them is painful enough.

Ted is a nice guy who tries hard to please Nancy, but he can't seem to do anything right in her eyes. Is there anything I can do or say to Nancy without offending her or sticking my nose where it doesn't belong? -- EMBARRASSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: As I see it, you have two choices. Keep dodging your friend's efforts to arrange a joint vacation, which will wear thin after a while. Or, have a frank chat with her. Tell her -- as gently as possible -- that she may not realize how uncomfortable she makes others when they must witness her constant bickering with her husband, and until they mend fences, you and your boyfriend will be unavailable for vacations.

DEAR ABBY: An old friend I'll call "Bud" used to take my ex-husband and me out for dinner and drinks. About 15 years ago, he met a woman. She moved in with him and then they got married. They have been married a long time now and I hardly get to see or talk to Bud.

I am now divorced. I have always had "feelings" for this man, and I want what Bud's wife has: She has a new car, a beautiful home, he has a new truck, they both work and seem to have everything.

I don't love Bud, but I know him from way back and I want to break them up. Can you give me any advice on how to? -- LOSING OUT IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR LOSING OUT: You must not be a frequent reader of my column. In a case like this, I think I'll take a pass.

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