DEAR ABBY: I'm a teen mom who feels like I am being taken advantage of by my newborn's grandmother. (I'll call her "Liz.") My baby's father, "Todd," lives with her. They provide no financial support.

Liz puts me on the spot constantly and makes me feel bad if I tell her she can't have the baby that day or take her to a certain place. Since day one, she has wanted to take my baby out of town. That bothers me because I don't want my daughter going out of town unless I am with her.

I feel obligated to let Todd's mother see the baby all the time to avoid the drama she would cause in my life if I don't. I don't want to be mean, but I need to let her know how I feel. How do I approach her? -- YOUNG MOM IN RICHMOND, IND.

DEAR YOUNG MOM: No one can be taken advantage of unless she (or he) allows it. Do not allow anyone -- no matter how well-intentioned -- to do anything with your baby that makes you uncomfortable. You may be young, but as a mother you are responsible for your child's welfare.

Do not "approach" Liz; let her approach you. When she does, be polite, firm and stand your ground. If she tries to turn it into a power struggle, end the conversation. Do not allow her to make you lose your temper.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "Omar," and I have been having major arguments lately. They're about the relationship he has with his sister. I feel he confides in her more than he does me.

I realize she's his sister, but he consults her about finances, what kind of pet to buy, how things are going at work, etc. He's never open with me about those issues. He shuts me out to the point that I have told him if it doesn't change, we're through. He says I'm "overreacting."

Even more peculiar, she makes phone calls for Omar -- like when his mortgage payment was late or when he had to ask the IRS a tax question. Omar is 34 and should be handling these things himself.

It galls me when he puts her on a pedestal and puts me down when I make a mistake. I'm a single mom, doing well on my own, but he refuses to acknowledge it. What should I do? -- SECOND FIDDLE IN ARIZONA

DEAR SECOND FIDDLE: It is possible that Omar's sister has been running his life for so long that she's the first person he thinks of when he gets into a bind. And obviously she has done a capable job of it, or he wouldn't keep having her intercede for him.

It should be clear to you by now that putting yourself in competition with her is getting you nowhere. So accept the two of them as a package deal or find a man who is independent.

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and recently became engaged to my boyfriend of three years. We are trying to pull off a wedding on a budget. My parents dislike my fiance, so we are footing the bill.

My fiance's mom owns a beauty salon and, in the past, has offered to cut and highlight my hair. I have accepted twice in the last two years. She also fixed my hair for my university mixer. Would it be appropriate to ask her, as the mother of the groom, to fix my hair on my wedding day? -- BUDGETING IN FAIRFAX, VA.

DEAR BUDGETING: I see nothing inappropriate about it. Go ahead and ask.

DEAR ABBY: My father is having an affair -- another one. It is not the first time I have found evidence of it. I was using his computer to work on my grandmother's memorial and an IM popped up from a woman telling him to meet her at a family event my mother was not supposed to attend. Her message to Dad was extremely sexual and very upsetting.

The "other woman" is an old high school friend of my parents' and a friend of the family. I have confronted my father in the past, even threatened to end my relationship with him if it didn't stop.

My heart breaks for Mama, but she loves Dad so much she will stand by him through anything. Somehow, I always manage to get stuck in the middle of their marital problems, and I was even blamed for their separation five years ago.

This has affected my relationship with my boyfriend because I have extreme trust issues. I find myself hating my father more and more each day. Please help me before I lose my sanity. -- DAUGHTER OF A CHEATER

DEAR DAUGHTER: For your own emotional well-being you must remove yourself from the drama and dysfunction in your parents' marriage. You cannot fix what's wrong with it; your father doesn't want to and your mother appears to have made peace -- if you can call it that -- with his infidelities.

Not all men are like your father. Many men respect women and are capable of having loving, monogamous marriages. You need professional help, and with good reason, and I urge you to get it. If you don't, your hatred of your father may color the way you regard all men, and it will always be a problem.

DEAR ABBY: We have some longtime friends, the "Gotrocks," who frequently come over for dinner. When they do, they bring "house gifts" -- commercially made cakes, Danish, etc. that are well past their expiration dates -- then brag about how much they saved on the food.

My wife and I limit our intake of sugar, high-fat and processed foods, and the Gotrocks are aware of it because we have told them, but they persist. I am offended that they would offer low-quality food that I wouldn't serve an animal.

What should I do? Accept the garbage gracefully, not serve it and deep-six it after they leave, or tell them to stop bringing it?

Incidentally, money isn't an issue here; they proudly admit they are cheap. -- OFFENDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OFFENDED: Having been put on notice that you and your wife do not consume sugary, high-fat and processed foods, the Gotrocks already know they are bringing an inappropriate house gift. Here's how I'd handle it: The next time they come, make a point of serving their gift to them for dessert -- while you and your wife enjoy a healthy portion of fresh fruit. If they enjoy it -- fine. If they look askance, you will have made your point. Waste not, want not.

DEAR ABBY: How do you respond to an overweight person who says she's fat? Or a short person who says she's short? Or to anyone else who points out a true physical flaw that goes against today's ridiculous standard of beauty? I am in a sorority and this happens all the time.

Please don't tell me to say that their personalities are beautiful -- even if it's true -- because what these girls want to hear is that they are physically beautiful. -- THE UGLY TRUTH FAIRY

DEAR UGLY TRUTH FAIRY: Don't lie. But if you're socially adept, you'll find something nice to say -- unless you want to be as welcome as a skunk at a picnic. The girl with the weight problem may have beautiful skin or a fabulous head of hair. And the short girl may have such beautiful posture that people regard her as graceful. Get it?

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kate" for a year. She's caring and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes by quickly when we're together.

That's why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place, I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her way around. I enjoy making us dinner, since I get home two hours before she does.

After being single and living alone for six years, I want a relationship. Maybe in the future I'll want her to move in with me. We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple every weekend. But I also like "my time" and "my night out."

I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out alone during the month work for me. I share the details with Kate -- including the crazy things I see "singles" do when I'm out. I have explained to her how spending these nights on my own makes me appreciate her more when I return. But I feel a distinct "chill" from her when my night arrives.

I have no problem with Kate doing a "girls' night out" on those evenings. Am I wrong to want alone time? Am I not committed enough to this relationship? -- REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REASONABLE: It's not wrong to want some time independent of Kate, particularly since it relates to your business. Her cool reaction may be related to her insecurities with your relationship, as well as the "crazy things" you're describing when you get home.

It may have been a mistake to invite Kate to stay with you without a deadline after which you expect her to find her own place. Under the circumstances, she may think your relationship has progressed further than it really has.

DEAR ABBY: I cannot think of anyone else to turn to. I attend church, but don't know a priest well enough to confide in him.

I have been married 45 years. My wife and I have a very good sex life. My problem is, over the past year my curiosity has increased about what it would be like to be with another man. I don't have anyone in mind. I try not to think about it, but the idea excites me.

I enjoy looking at attractive women, but often find myself wanting to give the other a try. Please help me find an answer before I try something stupid. Abby, I hope you can offer me some advice in your column. -- ANONYMOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Everyone has sexual fantasies, and although yours have recently been homosexual fantasies, it does not necessarily mean that you would enjoy an encounter with another man. Because you say you have a "very good sex life" with your wife, you may have some bisexual leanings. However, 45 years ago you promised at the altar to be faithful to your wife. So I'll offer the same advice I would have given to Adam if he had written me back then: Don't take a bite of that apple because it could get you evicted from Eden.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when you have a child in jail and they don't know? Should you lie and say everything is fine? -- EAST COAST MOM

DEAR MOM: It depends upon how well you know the people and how much personal information you're comfortable revealing about your family. But I don't think you should lie because that kind of news has a way of traveling.