DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old woman who feels like a single mother. My husband is lazy, has a negative attitude and hasn't held a job in four years. I provide everything in our marriage -- the money, the education for our 8-year-old son, plus I do all the housework, etc.

My husband graduated from a famous university with a bachelor's degree. I have a master's degree and am now studying for my doctorate.

When my husband had a job he would give his money to his parents or spend it on lottery tickets. His parents have more money than mine do.

To me, family is like a bank account into which you must deposit your love, your money and your responsibility. Unfortunately, my husband is always spending -- never saving.

There is no love between us. I think about divorce but worry that my husband will have no house to live in. Maybe I am being too kind. What words of advice do you have for me? -- Y.L. IN BEIJING, CHINA

DEAR Y.L.: It's time to stop worrying about your husband and start thinking about the example he is setting for your son. Do you want him to grow up thinking your household is normal?

Speaking woman to woman, since nothing else has worked it is time to try "tough love." Your husband will not be homeless -- he can stay with his parents until he decides he wants to act like a responsible spouse, finds a job and stops gambling his money away. If he straightens up, you can reconcile. Marriage is supposed to be a working partnership, and from where I sit you have pulled the entire load long enough.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Mandy," and I decided to buy a home. (We moved in together last August.) Mandy didn't qualify to be on the loan, so it is in my name. No matter what I do, she says she feels like the house won't be "ours" until I put her name on the deed. Abby, a week hasn't gone by that we haven't argued about this to the point of not speaking to each other.

I want to marry Mandy, but I would like us to reach a point that we're able to get along first. She says we won't be able to do that if I don't put her name on the deed. Am I wrong to want to be more comfortable in the relationship before doing that? If something happened and we didn't get married she'd have as much right to the house as I do -- without having paid any money toward it. -- "IN DEED" IN ATLANTA

DEAR "IN DEED": Listen to your gut, because it's guiding you in the right direction. A house is one of the biggest investments you will ever make. Putting Mandy's name on the deed will not magically fix the shaky foundation of this relationship. You may love her, but please continue to think rationally. It appears she is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Before entering into any contract with Mandy (or anyone else, for that matter), talk to your lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently reconnected with a friend on Facebook whom I hadn't seen in 40 years. The photo she posted is from high school. Usually there's a reason for that, but after meeting her again, she's still as pretty as I remembered -- but she looks like she's frozen in the 1960s. She desperately needs a "makeover." How can I politely help my friend update her look with a new hairdo and more flattering makeup? (One of my daughters is a stylist and the other is an aesthetician.) -- STILL SMITTEN IN KANSAS

DEAR STILL SMITTEN: Introduce her to your daughters, let nature take its course and the inevitable will happen.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl living with my grandmother. My mom died when I was 7 and my father is now remarried. He and my stepmom have two children together.

My problem is my stepmother and I don't get along. I try to be friendly, but she hardly speaks to me or my grandmother. I understand that some people are quiet by nature and I am one of them, but my grandmother and I agree that her behavior is rude -- especially because we have done nothing to provoke it.

I sometimes get the feeling my stepmother doesn't want me to see my father. Every time he comes to visit at my grandmother's she calls, and then he has to leave.

My grandmother and I love their two children and they have come to recognize us. However, we don't get to see them very often. I believe my stepmother may be the reason for this as well.

What can we do to improve the situation? My grandmother has spoken to Dad, but things haven't gotten any better. I'm afraid to say anything because I know things could be worse. What's your advice? -- SILENT TEEN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SILENT TEEN: If your grandmother has already spoken to your dad, there is nothing you can do to improve the situation. The ball is in your father's court.

The problem isn't you or anything you have or haven't done. Your father married a woman who appears to be possessive, insecure and unable to empathize with anyone she can't control. You are a reminder that your father had a wife and a life before she came into it, and she views that as a threat. Your father could straighten her out -- but it appears she holds the power in their relationship.

It's time you spoke to him about your feelings directly. Hearing it from you may have more impact than what your grandmother is able to convey. If that doesn't work, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Cassie," who is 23, moved out to live with her fiance. My house is now truly empty. I have two sons who have been on their own for a while. Cassie was the last to fly the coop.

I am so sad. I can't bear to even go into her room. It is so quiet. We didn't exactly have the closest relationship. I tried, but she wanted her independence. It hurt, but isn't that what a parent has to do with her kids?

Now that Cassie's gone, she won't answer calls or messages -- nothing. I saw her at her place of work the other day and she barely acknowledged me. She claims she is "happy now" and really doesn't miss me. She says hurtful things and makes fun of me because I am so sappy and emotional.

How do parents handle these situations? I don't work because I'm not able to. I know I should go out and do volunteer work. I do go to the gym, but I'm much younger than the crowd there. I don't have many close friends. What do empty-nester moms do? I know Cassie is insensitive, but talking it out with her won't help. She is who she is. -- HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURTING: OK, you say you don't have many close friends and can't work -- but you are well enough that you can go to a gym and volunteer. Now it's time for you to "fly the coop."

The way your daughter is treating you is beyond insensitive -- it's cruel. Instead of being afraid to go into her room you should paint it, redecorate it and rent it. Get out, volunteer, take dancing lessons, join whatever social groups there are in a 50-mile radius. The less time you spend at home the less time you will have to grieve.

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Jason," has decided to leave college with only two semesters left in order to pursue his love of river guiding and outdoor programs. While he was in school, his father and I paid for his cell phone, health and car insurance, and his rent because we wanted his focus to be on his studies. We also paid his tuition.

Jason has a part-time job. Now that he has decided to leave school, our view is that he should find another job and assume these expenses.

My husband and I disagree about who should pay for any future education Jason wants. If he goes back to school, his tuition will be paid for, says Dad. I think we would be enabling him if he thought we were always standing by to foot the bill.

We are heartsick that Jason has made this decision, but his mind is made up. Any advice from you would be appreciated. -- UNHAPPY MOM IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR UNHAPPY: I agree that Jason should shoulder the responsibility for his living expenses. However, do not make any hard and fast decisions about his tuition while you are still angry at him. This situation will play out. If and when Jason decides to complete his education, discuss the matter of tuition then.

DEAR ABBY: Do you know what a speech-generating device is? A lot of people don't. It's a specialized computer that speaks for people who are unable to communicate verbally.

We're a group of campers from Camp Courage who use speech-generating devices to talk. Sometimes people are uncomfortable with our unique way of communicating. We'd like to share some ideas to help them understand:

1. Please be patient. It takes us a little bit longer to get our messages out than it does you.

2. Feel free to ask questions. Don't pretend to understand us if you don't.

3. Do not think we are stupid. Have you ever tried to communicate using one of these things?

4. If it looks like we're having trouble, ask if we need help.

5. Treat us like adults -- just as you would want to be treated.

6. If you're curious, you can look at our devices. It's OK to ask. We're not all the same.

7. Be our friend. If you do, you'll find we have a lot of interesting things to say.

Abby, thanks for helping us communicate our message. We hope to speak to you again! -- CAMILLE, HEATHER, JOEL, JOHN, NAT AND NICOLE

DEAR CAMILLE, HEATHER, JOEL, JOHN, NAT AND NICOLE: I'm pleased to help spread the word. For people who are vocally challenged, you have written an eloquent letter.

Assistive technologies have come a long way in recent years to ensure that people with disabilities are more fully able to participate in business as well as society. These advances are constantly evolving -- and as they do there must also be an "evolution" on the part of the larger community toward acceptance of people who are perceived as different.